Print Story In Victor We Trust
By Captain Tenille (Mon Aug 15, 2011 at 02:43:12 AM EST) hard working flatfish (all tags)
The laws of physics clearly state that a faster than light drive is impossible. Physicists have still not come up with an explanation why the Flatfish Drive is a working faster than light drive.

No one has any idea why flatfish are able to defy the laws of physics and propel a spacecraft faster than light. How and why it works are complete mysteries, but how you do it is quite simple. If you've ever been to the touch tank at the aquarium, you could run a Flatfish Drive. Somehow, reaching into the tank and tickling the flatfish a certain way will activate the drive, while massaging it and thinking about where you want to go will take you there. Technique's important, though; less skilled operators will still get you there and back, but it will take longer. The fact that anyone can do it saved many an expedition from disaster. One thing that is certain, however, is that the size of the flatfish is not significant. At one point halibut based Flatfish Drives were being developed, but that was stopped when it became clear that common flounders worked just as well and were easier to transport.
Sometimes that extra time matters. Once, most of the members of an expedition to Epsilon Eridani became grievously ill, including all the trained Flatfish Drive operators. A young ensign named Victor stepped up to the occasion and saved the rest of the crew by piloting the ship to safety. His methods were unorthodox, but they worked; he formed a closer bond with the flatfish in that tank than anyone ever had before and got the ship back to Alpha Base in forty five minutes, almost a day sooner than the next best time from that far away. Unlike everyone else, instead of putting his hands in the flatfish's tank, he put his *feet* in to tickle and massage the flatfish.
Once they reached Alpha Base and the sickened crew had been evacuated to quarantine, everyone was very interested in how young Victor had done this amazing thing. Victor didn't think he had done anything special. All he would say about the matter was "I am the master of my feet. I am the captain of my sole."

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