Inside, a description of the damage and given that the ship is in drydock, I get the chance to talk properly about football for a change.

(This diary is mostly about footy, so if you're not interested, walk on by.)

<<Camera zooms into the bridge of a battered WW2, tricked out with a whole bunch of alarms, warning lights and controls that all seem to mysteriously date from 1966.>>

<<Shouting... off screen>>

What happened?

Damn Paraguayan shelling, we're taking water...

But Sir, we came through? They barely got a shot on target?

Aye lad... but...

<continued>

Over the flip:

Why you should be full of good cheer about the chances of Engerlandlandland in the Association Football fracas about to get underway im Deutschland.