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By yankeehack (Thu Jul 28, 2022 at 01:36:37 PM EST) (all tags)
for a bit.

I'm sitting in a hotel room not far from my parents house. My Mom is dying and started hospice care yesterday.

She had been fading for a while, but still somewhat active (listening to the radio, watching shows, making dinner) until she went into the hospital two weeks ago, just as LO and I landed in Europe for a long-needed vacation. Her legs swelled because she has congestive heart failure, emphysema, accelerating kidney failure, and other things going wrong.

My Mom has long wanted to avoid any heroic medical measures, so the purpose of the hospital visit was to get the swelling down and for a few days of monitoring to readjust her meds.

My sister is taking lead on Mom's care, because she was laid off the other week. My Aunt, also a former nurse, is staying at my parents house for a few days to help. My Brother pops in every once in a while. My Dad is letting my Sister lead and has been asking me questions on whether I think Mom will get better. He is also writing down things for his "bachelor book."

I saw my Mom for the first time in two-plus years yesterday. Her face was sunken. She is on oxygen. She is all but skin and bones at this point, and while she can walk with a walker, she needs assistance for everything. She can answer questions with one or two words, but she either sleeps or stares into space most of the time.

There is no going back, the only question is how long will the decline take.

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Back East | 7 comments (7 topical, 0 hidden)
I'm sorry by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #1 Fri Jul 29, 2022 at 02:27:58 PM EST
it's hard to see your parents age. My dad has a few years left I think, but I doubt he has any short term memory left.

My mom is more with it, other than occasionally answering the phone without her hearing aids.

My Uncle (married to my dad's sister) seems similar to your mom. I saw him in the beginning of May, he ate a little, talked less, and has the only residential LOX tank in Elk County. The grandkids are told if they want to see Grandpa, follow the green O2 tubes.

Lately he's back at the hospital, hanging on somewhat. I may be driving my parents back to Elk County soon.

I'm very sorry by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #2 Fri Jul 29, 2022 at 05:55:51 PM EST
The worst part about getting older is watching the prior generation.
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
sorry to hear by sasquatchan (2.00 / 0) #3 Sat Jul 30, 2022 at 01:38:22 PM EST
I hope it's not a painful ending for everyone. I know it's coming with my in-laws, and then my folks..

That unequivocally sucks by lm (2.00 / 0) #4 Sat Jul 30, 2022 at 04:21:17 PM EST
I can't really imagine. When my dad went it was "unexpected" inasmuch as he didn't let anyone know about his longstanding symptoms of heart failure so that when the big one came, it was surprised everyone.

I have no way to to cognize the slow decline of a parent, knowing that the end is coming. That has to be difficult in ways that I can't even imagine.

Thoughts and prayers and all that.

Kindness is an act of rebellion.
I'm sorry. by atreides (2.00 / 0) #5 Sat Jul 30, 2022 at 09:25:45 PM EST
I don't know what I could possibly say to make you feel better, but you can take some comfort in knowing that her pain will soon be over. And, of course, if there's anything we can do, say the word.

He sails from world to world in a flying tomb, serving gods who eat hope.

Sorry to hear by xth again (2.00 / 0) #6 Mon Aug 01, 2022 at 12:25:12 PM EST
I avoided on my side as my mother just switched off like a light while writing lottery tickets. She was a heavy smoker. Both my stepdad and father in law were relatively quick, only a few months. But mother in law is slooowly deteriorating... it's very painful to see. And she's aware of the process herself. It just sucks

My mom died in January by muchagecko (2.00 / 0) #7 Sat Aug 20, 2022 at 09:40:06 PM EST

She declined over maybe 2 years - from active and alert, to skin and bones and little coherent speech - much like your mom.

I got to spend a few days with her just a week before she died. Some of her last words will always stay with me.

Get whatever time with her you can. You won't regret it.

A purpose gives you a reason to wake up every morning.
So a purpose is like a box of powdered donut holes?
My Name is Earl

Back East | 7 comments (7 topical, 0 hidden)