Print Story Feel my heart beat
Diary
By lm (Wed Jun 10, 2020 at 12:42:41 PM EST) (all tags)
"Feel my heart beat" she said. I tried. I placed my palm between her breasts. I felt nothing.

[Warning: possibly triggering]



Like lightning an image popped into my head. The still, cold feel of a hand that had no blood coursing through it's veins. The memory of watching her chest to try and detect the slightest rise and fall. The gentle shaking to try to wake her up. Gently taking hold of her wrist to try and find a pulse.

I could no longer breathe.

I could no longer talk.

I couldn't tell her what was wrong. What was wrong with me?

Fear surged, fear that did not exist that one day almost a year ago now.

I've read about PTSD. I've never understood it. Emotions that have built up over the course of the past year are flooding out, attached to visions of a memory where those feelings were absent. Anger. Sadness. Grief. Fear.

The only way out is through. I sobbed. I called into work. I let the grief and angst wash over me.

That was yesterday. Today is a new day. This morning the sun rose.

< The End of the Tunnel?
Feel my heart beat | 5 comments (5 topical, 0 hidden)
Here by iGrrrl (4.00 / 1) #1 Wed Jun 10, 2020 at 02:18:01 PM EST
Seeing.

"Beautiful wine, talking of scattered everythings"
(and thanks to Scrymarch)

The past... by ana (4.00 / 1) #2 Wed Jun 10, 2020 at 02:54:22 PM EST
...is not past.

We're listening.

Or get rabies. Also don't do that. --scrymarch

I feel you by mmangino (4.00 / 2) #3 Wed Jun 10, 2020 at 03:36:47 PM EST
and hear you.  

Here to listen by ambrosen (4.00 / 1) #4 Wed Jun 10, 2020 at 03:54:19 PM EST
Thank you for sharing.

Condolences on your loss by Orion Blastar (4.00 / 1) #5 Thu Jun 11, 2020 at 01:53:25 AM EST
we are here for you.

"I drank what?" - <a href="http://uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Socrates">Socrates</a&gt after drinking the Conium
Feel my heart beat | 5 comments (5 topical, 0 hidden)