Print Story Hooo boy
By yankeehack (Thu Jun 05, 2014 at 06:03:18 PM EST) (all tags)
LO is starting in on that annoying part of being a teenager.

My problem...she is now "forgetting" to tell me of her plans, is coming home later than what she says, etc. doing this all with a boy, to boot.

So, Jersey Boy seems almost out of the picture. They broke up after he got jealous of her and her activities here. She's talked to him in the past week and I know she is struggling with the difference of him being jealous and him being someone she feels comfortable with.

In Jersey Boy's absence, LO has some other boys to hang out with, but her one has been someone who I will call Big Lug. The Big Lug is the older brother of one of her girlfriends. He's a tall, three sport kid, has some serious facial hair and a deeeep voice. He's also perpetually late.

Now I've known about Big Lug for a few weeks and was sort of encouraging it at first because I did not like how Jersey Boy was really trying to control her.

As of right now, Big Lug and LO are not boyfriend and girlfriend as LO doesn't want to commit to him. She does, however, hang out with him and he can drive. She has admitted to me that they have "made out."

The problem with Big Lug is that he lives in town and his folks are divorced, living literally a few blocks away from each other. I had Big Lug's little sister in the car with me and LO not too long ago and there was some good natured ribbing about the budding relationship. Big Lug's little sister then said something to the effect of "Oh God, I hope my parents don't get to know about this, they'll cause trouble." Little sis then proceeds to tell a story about how their Mom blows things out of proportion and causes drama. She is also styling herself as a Life Coach. To make this story even juicier, I had heard a similar story from Big Lug's uncle, who I had once gone out on a date with when we first moved up here. (Small world, huh?) Also, while I am not the most active of sport moms, I know pretty much all the moms in LO's rowing cohort, except for Big Lug's mom. She's like never ever there.

Basically, I can't hope that the Mom would act rationally if/when she is needed. Apparently the Mom knows of the relationship, is suspicious of LO and has given Big Lug a hard time, especially after one night he brought LO home late and was driving after curfew. (I was waiting for LO on the porch that night. As far as I am concerned, LO caused that.)

Now, the thing is, the kids hang out, as kids do. They've hung out at the park, they hang out at either the Mom's or the Dad's place...I don't know who is home, either. Like, as in, she went to get something to eat with her friends afters chool and then went over to the boy's Mom's house today. That's ok, as long as the Mom is home, but I am not sure.

I hate the thought of starting drama with these parents, I don't want to and I would rather the kids would tell me what is up rather than go hiding about where they are, which is what I fear the most. LO mostly tells me what she does, but not always...most notably with this kid. I hate having to feel like I have to track LO down, especially as she'll be getting her driver's license in mere months. I know LO wants the freedom, but...jeez.


< Husistock 2: The Reckoning | an update >
Hooo boy | 9 comments (9 topical, 0 hidden)
To be honest... by Metatone (4.00 / 3) #1 Thu Jun 05, 2014 at 06:20:26 PM EST
I'm not really sure that you should be doing anything.

Big Lug's parents are his problem.

Your problem is making sure LO stays within some acceptable bounds (whatever you define that to be) in her relationship with him. Ideally by agreement with her.

Beyond that... if you start trying to prevent LO from getting involved with drama by tracking etc. well, you'll just push her towards it... teenagers are a pain that way...

IAWTP by ammoniacal (4.00 / 5) #3 Thu Jun 05, 2014 at 10:03:31 PM EST
Too much pressuring earned me a grandson. Keep the comm lines open with her.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
Yeah by yankeehack (4.00 / 2) #8 Fri Jun 06, 2014 at 02:06:53 PM EST
my gut feel on this is to be around for LO and talk to her but not actively get involved like I have with her earlier.

It's my practice when she goes out for her to tell me where and with who. We also have the track my iPhone app which we both have (she tracks me when I go on a date, for example.) With Big Lug around, he's met her while she's out and she doesn't necessarily update me about that.

As for possible drinking and drugs, LO doesn't regularly go to parties and partake, etc. and we talk about her friends that do. I'm home almost all the time and the bathroom is in my room so she cannot avoid me if she came home intoxicated anyway.

If I pressure her too much, she'll start hiding. I can pretty well tell when she is lying, and she's fudged a few details with Big Lug and her friends narc'd to me right in front of her.

Summer is coming in a few weeks and Big Lug is going to camp for the whole friggin summer THANK GOD, so I know this is one reason why she is hanging around with him now.
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

[ Parent ]
Irrational dad comment goes here by clock (4.00 / 2) #2 Thu Jun 05, 2014 at 06:42:51 PM EST
Tell me how this ends and how you got there safe and sound. My instincts are probably bad and, well, HULK SMASH.

Hmm. But I'd be concerned about the situation too. Have you talked it out with her?

I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

Relax by Herring (4.00 / 4) #4 Fri Jun 06, 2014 at 07:42:38 AM EST
What's the worst that could happen?

Actually that's probably not a very helpful thing to say.

You can't inspire people with facts
- Small Gods

That teenage truth trickle by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #5 Fri Jun 06, 2014 at 09:55:42 AM EST
Nearly_eighteen_year_old went to her first real party, after prom last weekend. She didn't want to start college without attending at least one real party.

She didn't go to prom, she thought it would be a waste of money and she didn't like it last year. But she got a modcloth dress altered to fit, went for makeup and hair pictures beforehand, then I dropped her off at the party at midnight.

At first she said there was drinking and pot at the party, and she had four Jack and cokes, which she liked. She said they didn't affect her though.

Last night she added a shot of vodka to her tale.

As far as LO, you could always add tracking to her phone. My bil does that with his 27 year old married daughter and 26 year old son. I know, too helicopterish.

I just text and call, and ask again to keep us informed of her plans.

tracking 26+27 y.o.? by bobdole (4.00 / 2) #6 Fri Jun 06, 2014 at 11:48:26 AM EST
What the .... ?!
-- The revolution will not be televised.
[ Parent ]
He might have been joking by georgeha (4.00 / 3) #7 Fri Jun 06, 2014 at 11:53:05 AM EST
but then they've always been very involved with their kids.

[ Parent ]
It sounds like by littlestar (2.00 / 0) #9 Mon Jun 16, 2014 at 09:32:51 AM EST
 You're handling it really well. You can't control his parents that's for sure. You've given your girl good foundation, she sounds like a good responsible girl, and you're close to her which is awesome, so she talks to you. Sounds like a pretty good situation to me. :) you're gonna monitor to your ability, and make sure you keep your girl to her rules. That's all you can do. :)

Hooo boy | 9 comments (9 topical, 0 hidden)