RON PAUL /b/
So I had this huge, overly detailed diary half written that has been sitting on the hard drive for a few months, and I scrapped it. It was good, too.
Ok, maybe not. Actually it sucked.
Anyways, yeah. Been a while, yah? First off, I'm still alive, despite what TMZ says. I wish the pappo would leave me alone. For assorted reasons, I'm no longer living in my beloved Cleveland and am instead in the opposite corner of Failhio (where I grew up the first few times). Yes, I really do miss Cleveland. Seriously. Stop laughing.
Bunny's Too Tight To Mention
Remember that one time I drank alcohol? There was that second time too. And then all those times, and the other times, and then the memory gets a little fuzzy, and after that the memory gets non-existent. Basically between my last sighting here on Husi and 2009 was largely a big messy mess of messiness, much worse then when I vanished the last dozen times. Oh how the time flies when you're hiding in a bottle. I had written up a giant drunkalog diary, detailing some of my highlights in the past 8 or so years, but I decided not to bore everyone with my stupid, inebriated drama. tldr: I had a huge problem (which some of you were lucky to witness bits of), spent far too much time running from it, and experienced some pretty nasty consequences.
I haven't touched a drop of alcohol since October 17, 2009. It wasn't easy for a while after I stopped. I'm not talking about withdrawals or DT's, since I never really had those. I had to get my entire perception of the world realigned after screwing a number of things up royally, so I did what any depressed, desperate lush does: I stumbled into AA. Actually first did AA in 2008 after a particular event, and just when things were starting to look up, I lost the job I both loved and hated (due to the economy, not my drinking). One multi-month relapse and another round of hefty consequences later, I'm back in.
(Don't worry, I haven't turned into a righteous teetotaler, hellbent on obliterating the scourge of alcohol from humanity. Quite the contrary, if I see any of y'all again, have a drink on me. I'll just have coffee, thanks.)
So 2009-2011 I spent cleaning up wreckage (including some legal stuff *cough*), slowly getting out of the huge debt I racked up over the years, and getting my head slowly screwed on somewhat more straight. Looking back, I was a pretty gawd-awful mess for quite a while there. This time around, I was doing the AA thing "properly" by getting a sponsor, staying somewhat active, and at least pretending that "God as I understand Him" would lead me towards trudging the road of happy destiny. Needless to say that while I did help me a bit, there was something missing (like my willingness to buy into everything I told).
Brains: They're Amygdelicious!
Thanks to this "Google" website, I found something a little bit different in the realm of recovery. S.M.A.R.T. Recovery seemed quite interesting, and I attended my first meeting around a year ago here in the land of cinnamon-drenched chili. It clicked perfectly in my head and it's my new regular thing. I'm now a certified "facilitator" in their program as of June, which just basically means I know how to run a meeting. Just this past weekend I attended their annual conference in Chicago, which was a blast. I even took an extra day and drove a little bit farther north to visit a certain pair of Husi'ers whom I haven't seen in many years (that diner is awesome!).
The scientific view of addictive behavior clicks much better for me than the 12 Step view, which currently has me at a crossroads: What do I do with AA. I'm still doing 3 AA meetings a week, and do enjoy certain aspects of it. However other parts of that program can get tedious and occasionally outright annoying. Sorry, but there has been quite a bit of progress in the understanding of addictive behavior since AA's beginnings in 1935. AA has chosen not to evolve much but does provide a lot of support, so I'm torn as to whether to continue with it. Doing AA meetings for the past few years has slowly chipped away at my social anxiety issues (a huge reason why I drank) and I've met some fantastic people in that time as well.
Pens And Needles
Oh for joy! In March 2011, I was diagnosed with America's latest craze: Type II diabetes. Just another thing to throw onto the "reasons not to drink" pile. Long story fat: I'm currently on Lantus (35 units x1 day), Novolog (~25-40 units a day), Byetta (10 mcg x2 day), Metformin (500 mg x2 day), Januvia (100 mg x1 day), and Lisinopril (5 mg x1 day). "Diabesety" is a true thing: After some initial weight loss, once the insulin was started I slowly edged up 50 pounds and that only leveled off after nagging my doc to put me on Byetta. I've been doing the health club thing for a while now and that helps quite a bit. Physically I'm feeling pretty good, and if I can get some of this damn weight back off I'm hoping I'll feel even better. A good workout drops my sugars a bit, and the less insulin I inject the better.
My cats are doing fine, though with my current living situation there's a total of 4 in the house. My first cat is getting up there in age, and actually developed Type II diabetes recently, so I'm giving him Lantus twice a day. He was getting a bit lethargic and was getting very thin, but with his insulin he's back to his goofy self. Lantus! Lantus everywhere!
I've been back in contractor mode since 2009 with a local company, and am currently on bench time after finishing a 3 year gig at a Fortune 10. To be perfectly honest, it actually kind of sucks to be sitting here getting paid to just wait by the phone. I had one interview last week which went fairly well, though it may be a little while before they decide (and since my Java skillz aren't superl33t, I'm guessing I won't get that one). I'm with a local company and their reps are still digging around for a job for me. Since it's been a few weeks of almost nothing I think I'm going to start poking around other companies.
Here's where I detail the other aspects of my life, like marriage and kids and hordes of meatspace friends and having wonderful adventures traveling the world. Except there isn't any of that. It's only been the past 2 years that "life" is starting to present itself. No kids, no spouse, no SO, no prospects, just mostly work, cats and recovery so far. I have taken up photography, which I was always interested in but keep interrupting myself with other crap at the time. My current toy is a Nikon D5100, and I've been having fun with my new wide angle lens. I'm doing mostly outdoor stuff which is a great excuse to drive around the boonies on a Saturday. There's even 2 or 3 pics I've taken that don't suck. I occasionally drive up to Cleveland to visit "L" ('memba her?). We still hang out when possible.
Life the past few years hasn't been a giant pile of suck. It's been pretty nice, actually. Good thing it was always there even when I wasn't.
You just lost it.
So... uh, yeah. The diary thing. Been a while. Feels a little weird. Actually it feels very weird.
Umm, how are you?
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