I vaguely remember posting some years ago about my foray into That Which is Atkins and by that losing a good 15-20lb rather easily (because I know my spices and compounded flavours). But even managed, if you're doing Atkins there are two things you can't escape: death breath and Pitch-like Poo, the kind you need hazmat suits and 200+psi pressure washers to sort out.

I'm not doing Atkins but I do eat a very high fat diet in order to maintain my weight. Quoth my athletics-specialist primary doc: "Yeah, your cholesterol is bumping 300, but we can ignore that as long as you're holding on to your weight."

I eat a shocking amount of fat daily. It's a constant fight to keep my weight at 70kg ±2kg. Instant hospitalisation is at 63kg, do not pass GO, do not collect $200, pack your shit and kiss the kid. That fifteen pounds may be only a 10% change, but it's life-threatening at my size of 180cm. Even the fucking ED chicks on a nearby ward start worrying and giving me advice. You know you're in trouble when an anorexic is telling you to eat.

But I am plagued by this awful stench, something that I can partially brush my teeth and scrape my tongue and shower away, but only partially. I can live with it (thanks to cans of Febreeze and auto-sensation damping); my wife and daughter cannot. She is so used to it that my child is no longer reviled by the occasionally STRONG stench, but my wife sings a different song and I don't blame her. On days I recgnise it, I'm disgusted, too. And I wouldn't want to sleep with someone who smelt like that. Hell, I don't want to sleep with someone who smells like Patchouli and I like opiates.

SO, Husi-Wan-Kenobi, what the fuck can I eat that is low protein but sure to pack on pounds and ounces and gram[me]s? I'm counting on you to give me more than "I hope you love fried eggplant/aubergine".

P.S.: some of the smell comes directly from the primary drugs (Mestinon) but that bit's easy enough to get over. It's the ketoacidosis death-breath really hurting us.