Print Story Today's gender discussion
By georgeha (Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 09:51:43 AM EST) Lego, mini-dairy (all tags)
How okay is it for girls to get boys to do things for them, by asking nicely and sweetly?

Lego Robotics started up again, lat night was sorting night. There's about 200 separate elements, even without breaking down by color. We got everything sorted, and started building a thermometer and sink.

Ten year old was calling a classmate darling, which was cute.

When we got home, she said she could get boys to do things for her by asking them sweetly. Fifteen year old was befuddled by that (boys are a mystery to her), Mrs. Ha thought it was neat.

I was concerned for two reasons. One, it's nothing she should rely on, two, ask a boy to do things enough times, and he'll think she owes him.

Tomorrow's discussion will be The Help, yet another movie where earnest white liberals save minorities, or the feel good movie of the year?

< doing stuff, sometimes doing things | Nice and light, in a lady's handbag >
Today's gender discussion | 8 comments (8 topical, 0 hidden)
well, given my sister by sasquatchan (2.00 / 0) #1 Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 09:57:28 AM EST
had an uncanny ability to get boys to do all sorts of things .. But she's fundamentally lazy lazy lazy. She ain't stupid, just lazy. Moved back in with my parents at 37 (after 2 divorces) because someone else does the cooking/cleaning/laundry for her. Gah.

Eh by Gedvondur (4.00 / 1) #2 Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 10:25:47 AM EST
Boys like it.  What boy* doesn't like it when they think a girl "owes" them?

Men are stupid about women. Any little act, any little kindness shown in either direction gets blown WAY out of proportion by the boy, who is primarily driven his meat billiards.

I'm always reminded of a classic rock song lyric when it comes to how boys view the actions/appearance of women.

"See chameleon lying there in the sun, all things to everyone, run run away."

A guy can simply *look* at a woman and make 10 to 15 assumptions about her personality, habits, and willingness/eagerness to bone.  It's stupid and patently unfair to women, but there it is.

*Assuming that this is a heterosexual boy.

"So I will be hitting the snatch hard, I think, tonight." - gzt
No. by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #3 Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 12:18:18 PM EST

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

I agree it's cause for concern by tierrasimbolica (4.00 / 1) #4 Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 12:46:00 PM EST
Not cause for overreacting of course (not that I think you would), but cause for concern, yes.  From personal experience, I've been through a number of disasters which resulted from people helping me out and thinking I owed them something.  Enough to make me not want people to not do me any favors, even though I know that's not the right way to go either.  But I am cautious about it now, as a result.

If someone asks me for help, I will gladly help out if I can.  But if I can't, for example I'm not free that day, or they're asking me to do something that makes me feel uncomfortable, seriously I don't need them calling me an ingrate for not being at their beck and call after they've done me a favor.  And this is exactly what has happened to me, more than once.

In a dating situation it's even trickier, because there are guys who think if they buy a woman enough dinners they're entitled to all sorts of things, including assault and infidelity.  (One study found that half the males interviewed believed that raping a woman is okay if he had spent enough money on her.)  Anyway, not that you should dump all this info on your daughter, but I don't think there's anything wrong with letting her know that that kind of behavior has the potential to be problematic. 

woops, double negative by tierrasimbolica (2.00 / 0) #5 Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 12:48:32 PM EST
that should read, "enough to make me not want people to do me any favors"

[ Parent ]
People puzzle the shit out of me. by aphrael (2.00 / 0) #8 Wed Sep 21, 2011 at 12:46:19 PM EST
seriously I don't need them calling me an ingrate for not being at their beck and call after they've done me a favor

I don't get it.

I mean ... I help people because I like them, and I do favors for people because I like helping people.

It would never occur to me that this creates an obligation.

At worst, I'd feel like obviously you don't like me as much as I like you, and I'd be sad ... but calling you an ingrate?

I don't get it.

If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.

[ Parent ]
i do have friends who have helped me out by tierrasimbolica (2.00 / 0) #9 Wed Sep 21, 2011 at 02:19:43 PM EST
on various occasions who never asked for anything in return.  and i am grateful for those friends.  and i am glad to help them out when i can as well.  this behavior of expecting someone to be at your beck and call after doing them a favor strikes me as extremely manipulative, and i've seen it happen to other friends as well as to myself.   in fact, there was a random dude in venice who was insistent on helping me with my luggage (and got upset when i declined the offer), who made me wonder if that was his M.O. as well.

nowadays i have a much better handle on steering clear of people who are like that.  but yes, it does inspire a "WTF is wrong with people" type reaction in me as well.

[ Parent ]
As long as she's direct, by muchagecko (2.00 / 0) #7 Tue Sep 20, 2011 at 09:15:22 PM EST
I don't see anything wrong with it. She'd just better be clear about what she wants.

A purpose gives you a reason to wake up every morning.
So a purpose is like a box of powdered donut holes?
My Name is Earl

Today's gender discussion | 8 comments (8 topical, 0 hidden)