I don't know. I wish I could tell you that drinking a beer or two after work helps. It seemingly does not. I wish I could tell you that I still care about work and wake up at 5:30 to get a start on my day like I used to. I haven't in a while.
I wish I could tell you I enjoy getting texts from this boy, but wonder when they come or don't or what it means since he's contacting me - and it isn't enough. I wish I could tell you I could trust him - but I don't yet. He throws mixed signals and there is more than a little bit of him not being quite ready.
I wish I could tell you that I was heartsick about sending LO to sleepaway camp this summer for four weeks. I am not, yet heartsick - the need for her to get out of town and meet new people is overwhelming. LO has lots of friends boys and girls who are mostly good kids - and a subset of these of boys call her almost nightly and who each individually try convince her to go out with them. The only saving grace **knocks on wood** is that they are her age, so these boys are ok with the girlfriend designation - but aren't so much into the kissing and hugging...yet.
I have had fellow parents tell me that my daughter is preternatually beautiful for her age. She has that "it" whatever "it" is. I am cursed.
As for the coincidences. Like how I know of 5 babies newly born in the past month or so - including my newest niece this past weekend. My niece, I will let you all know, is beautiful and perfect, just like her big sister. I spent an hour or so with my niece on the day she was born, holding her, feeling her little baby sighs, watching her face as she dreamed.
I watched as my brother and sister in law were in the hospital room and talked about their new home, about their plans for the summer and about their lives.
I am turning 36 in a few months, early birthday biological anxiety this year. Tomorrow would have marked 14 years married.
I have this fork in the road coming up labeled (A)family (as is) or (B)family (expanded). I've got probably 2 more years until I can really give up the ghost on having a choice.
Lately I've been thinking that I should just assume I will move to San Francisco when LO graduates high school. Ironically, tomorrow also marks $gamechangingannouncement at work (I may have a hole diary about my small contribution to that).
I will be ok either way, just fuck... I hate getting turned around in circles....I also hate speeding tickets too (I don't even want to know what my insurance is going to be jacked up to).
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