We found one out in a wooded area well past the west side of town. It is out in the country, with well water and the whole works. It’s a big place, 3000sq feet on a little over two acres of wooded land. Built in the ‘80s it’s a damn nice home and well built to boot.

 

The real problem is I have severe anxiety when I deal with the bank. The house isn’t out of my price range; it’s not a stretch with our finances. But still I worry. 

 

When I bought the house I am in now 13 years ago the mortgage company put me through hell and fire. They delayed the close three times and finally I lost it. I went to the mortgage office, leaned over the man’s desk and shouted at him for a good five minutes. All I wanted was yes or no. I was so stressed in the days prior to that incident I actually went into the bathroom at work and quietly cried. I didn’t even care whether I got the house or not, I just wanted it over with. My mortgage lender was so angry with me (although he never expressed it directly to me) that he paid the title company to handle the final paperwork instead of being there himself. Not a good scene.

 

So now we have the big wait/suck/bank game. My parents are saints, but a little too enthusiastic, I actually have to hold them off it bit on fixing/packing up my current house. We don’t have the new one yet, we are only in the first stages. Bless them, they are 1000% go on it already. My folks are awesome.

 

The stress of it all plus a shitload of job-related work has put me in a weird, stressed, and not entirely good mood. My wife is worried I might be anemic again, so I am getting my blood tested. My body has gotten so used to the anemia that most of the indicators like tiredness are no longer there. But the anemia does tend to have a destabilizing effect on my emotions. I get emotionally volatile when I am anemic. I don’t know I am anemic right now, I don’t feel anemic. I *think* I’m just mega-stressed over everything going on. But I don’t know, so I’m going to get a test and find out. I know it sounds easy, but I have a fear of needles. Big strong man intimidated by such a small thing sounds stupid, but damn I get very shaky even for something as simple as a blood draw. Injections and IVs are even worse. Still, I am going to do it.

 

So for now we are doing a few things. First, clean the hell out of the current house, including tacking the basement with 13 years of accumulated detritus. Second, do all the repairs I would normally do over the summer on the house. And then if we do get the new house, then we do repairs on the old one in “get it done” mode rather than in the “do it the exact way I want it because I got to live here” mode. For instance, our kitchen counter has a big burn on it.  I want soapstone countertops in the kitchen. But in order to sell the house, it’s going to be Formica for cost reasons. We are leaving those kinds of repairs until we know we are getting the new one.

 

In the mean time, I just got to chill out and get some Zen about it all. It is scary and exciting. Just got to be like The Fonz, you know, cool.