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By technician (Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 04:43:36 PM EST) (all tags)
When used as an interjection (c'mon, it's a good one), most people just assume you're nuts. You might be. I'm positive that I am.


Instead of using "FUCK!" quite as much as I do, I've been trying to calm my language. Plus I am trying to lose some of the intensively, excruciatingly reckless and mind-numbingly boring hyperbole...er...the hyperbole that I am so very annoyed by in others.

"OUTRAGEOUS!" is OK. If you roll the R, people will assume you're putting them on. If you have a thin, curly moustache and a monocle, you can follow this up with some good Olde Englishe Exclamations like Balderdash, or Double Balderdash, or the mind-warping Triple Dog Balderdash. You can slip in some Dickensian nonsense. Heck, slip in a Dickensian sentence: "The felicitous idea occurred to me a morning or two later when I woke that the best step I could take towards making myself uncommon was to get out of Biddy everything she knew. That horrible cunt."

Zie Gezunt! is a reverse curse, a Yiddish nicety that, when said with the proper inflection (ie say it like a middle-American teenage headbanging pot smoker who has never known a single word of any language outside his own, someone who was just convinced that this phrase is satanically irreverent, then hit him with a hammer on the big toe) it can be quite satisfying.

Anything starting with Mother and a verb. Currently Mothergrabber and Mothertossing Fathermasker are two local favorites, but sometimes the complexity is too much for the moment (ie "Motherhumping slack jawed yam handed bucket makers!" is a mouthful when you've been cut off in traffic).

Foreigners have a whole set of fantastic exclamatory curses, both witch and non-witchcraftian. Be careful, though: in a given area or community there may be more Swahili or Tagalog speakers than you bargained for. Me, I like the curses used by Texans when things get ornery. For instance, someone with the proper accent telling you that you're as ugly as homemade sin, as dumb as paint, and as useful as a box of broken heels, it's just neat. My favorite Texas-ism is "all hat and no cattle."

Marmoset! The animal kingdom is more than just food and pets. It's a source of decent exclamations, too. Hippopotamus! Mothergrabbing hamster hopper! (see how I neatly combined two areas there?)

Made up words may work better than you anticipate; I now have most everyone at work using "gablahgablahgablah" to describe a very specific sort of stupid person.

How about you? What are you favorite non-cursing censor-friendly curse words?

< That Was The Week That Was | A nun rolling down a hill >
Alchemy! | 51 comments (51 topical, 0 hidden)
None, sadly by ucblockhead (4.00 / 2) #1 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 04:51:30 PM EST
And all my attempts to get my son to use "Great Caesar's Ghost!" have failed.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
You must not give up, by technician (4.00 / 1) #2 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 04:55:29 PM EST
as that would be the greatest thing. Just start using it all the time yourself. And make sure everyone else around the kid does too.

[ Parent ]
I say dang pretty often by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #3 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 04:57:37 PM EST
but the woman likes my grammatical style when I use "sons of bitches."

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

Do you say "dang" in an ironic way? by technician (2.00 / 0) #6 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 05:00:28 PM EST
With, like, a heavy southern accent? Gomer Pyle it: DAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNG.

It just occurred to me that I use shazbot so often, I forgot to mention it. But that one clues you in as a nerd unless you use the proper hipsterirony.

[ Parent ]
Well, she's from Kaintucky . . . by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #15 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 06:25:17 PM EST
so yeah.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
CHEESE AND CRACKERS! by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #4 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 04:58:04 PM EST
Dad used to work with some guy that cursed like a sailor. Constantly. After he had kids it all changed to "CHEESE AND CRACKERS!"

That's a pretty good one. by technician (2.00 / 0) #5 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 04:59:07 PM EST
One of the guys here who was a sailor and thus cursed like his peers startd using "titular!" and "consarn it!" quite a bit.

[ Parent ]
I knew a guy in the Army by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #17 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 06:32:43 PM EST
who used "cheese and rice" in lieu of Jesus Christ. He was the biggest smartass I knew at the time, so I think he was being East-Coast Ironic, in the manner those people typically are.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
I've long favored... by ana (4.00 / 1) #7 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 05:11:59 PM EST
Shalzbat! (from Mork and Mindy).

It's said, with considerable admiration from among those who met the man, that General Patton could cuss for half an hour without repeating himself. It's a worthy goal, but like the legendary marathon, not for the faint of heart.

Then there are the things my dad said, such as "For crying in a bucket."

"And this ... is a piece of Synergy." --Kellnerin

I mentioned by technician (2.00 / 0) #11 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 05:58:40 PM EST
up there in a comment that I use shalzbat (I mis-spelled it? or maybe you have!) so often that it didn't occur to me to mention it. One of my favorites.

I think I can curse for maybe three words before I start repeating myself. Just now, actually, I was putting a 120 pound UPS into a rack. The rack started to slide across the consarn floor while I was gingerly trying to line up two pieces of rack rail with this 120 pound sled...there's a mm or so to spare...and I started to curse, and the repetition was pretty high: "oh you fucking fuckball piece of goddamn motherwhoring sonofa bastard fuck."

Hrm. I do use "son of a" as a sort of single-word curse, like, "Let's just slide this into...aw sonofa...."

[ Parent ]
Urban dictionary has... by ana (4.00 / 1) #21 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 07:54:49 PM EST
"shazbot"

"And this ... is a piece of Synergy." --Kellnerin

[ Parent ]
``oh, for crying out loud'' is my favorite by lm (4.00 / 1) #8 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 05:35:55 PM EST
``Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.'' is also good but variations on WTF are beginning to be far too common for my tastes.

I'm beginning to think it's time to take ni's suggestion on IRC months ago to use `royal' as a curse word as in, ``that's just royal!''


Kindness is an act of rebellion.
Oh that reminds me. by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #9 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 05:42:32 PM EST
Coworker back in the grocery store days used to say, "That's just KING!"

Made all the more funny the day some guy came through that looked exactly like Kerry King, even had the same glasses he always wore at the time, and he nudges me and says, "that has to be King." I about cracked up.



[ Parent ]
We had a kid in school by technician (2.00 / 0) #12 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 06:02:22 PM EST
called Bicho. That's a colloquialism in Spanish for flea or small bug. Pronounced "beach-oh" sort of.
It was one of our favorite curses. "Son of a Bicho!" Got to where we all used it quite a bit. Years later I'm at a deli and the guy hands me my half sandwich and I get my cup to go get some ice tea, and drop my sandwich. "Son of a Bicho!" and the guy behind the counter starts laughing. "You went to Sierra, huh?" I had no idea who the guy was, but we'd both been to the same school about a year apart.

[ Parent ]
We use by technician (2.00 / 0) #10 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 05:55:27 PM EST
most of the military slang here. Things are AFU or Tango Uniform.  The local variety of WTF is "whisky tango foxtrot, over."

We also, oddly, have started using "stand by" said very firmly to tell someone to shut the fsck up.

[ Parent ]
Charlie Fox! by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #14 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 06:13:54 PM EST


Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
Mother raping father stabber! by wiredog (4.00 / 2) #13 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 06:12:22 PM EST
Father rapers...

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

If one person does it... by Vulch (4.00 / 3) #16 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 06:29:34 PM EST
...They might think he's crazy and won't take him.



[ Parent ]
At work I'm notorious by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #18 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 06:35:47 PM EST
for Jiminy Cricket.


That's a lot of by technician (2.00 / 0) #26 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 11:35:14 PM EST
syllables...i dunno if I could pull it off in time.

I'm becoming a fan of cockbiscuit myself.

[ Parent ]
I throw out Jiminy Christmas at work by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #37 Sat Feb 27, 2010 at 02:58:44 AM EST
every once in a while.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
son of a bisquick! by clock (4.00 / 1) #19 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 06:37:24 PM EST
i mostly go for unintelligible consonant-vowel combinations.  gul-darn is one that i use around the office.  and of course, "God bless America!" is popular.

around The Dude it's mostly "GAH!"

i'm going to follow this thread and pick up some new ones.


I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

I've definitely learned some new ones. by technician (2.00 / 0) #27 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 11:35:58 PM EST
but GAH is one of my favorites.

[ Parent ]
Smurf it! by LilFlightTest (4.00 / 2) #20 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 06:54:11 PM EST
also, during a move I hit my head on the liftgate of a minivan, and exclaimed "cockbiscuit!"...but I don't know if that's non-cursing...
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if de-virgination results in me being able to birth hammerhead sharks, SIGN ME UP!!! --misslake
(Comment Deleted) by technician (2.00 / 0) #28 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 11:36:35 PM EST

This comment has been deleted by technician



[ Parent ]
I meant to say by technician (2.00 / 0) #29 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 11:37:27 PM EST
COCKBISCUIT is now my favorite NSFW exclamation.

COCKBISCUIT!

[ Parent ]
I have already issued instructions by LilFlightTest (4.00 / 3) #34 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 11:41:54 PM EST
for any interesting profanities i utter during labor to be written down for later use.
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if de-virgination results in me being able to birth hammerhead sharks, SIGN ME UP!!! --misslake
[ Parent ]
strange by MillMan (4.00 / 2) #36 Sat Feb 27, 2010 at 01:38:09 AM EST
I say "farkbiscuits" (actually fark, not fuck) all the time. I don't know where I got it.

"Just as there are no atheists in foxholes, there are no libertarians in financial crises." -Krugman

[ Parent ]
Fark.com? by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #38 Sat Feb 27, 2010 at 03:01:38 AM EST
ISG, I love that place.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
not sure where mine is from either by LilFlightTest (2.00 / 0) #41 Sat Feb 27, 2010 at 11:12:07 AM EST
it's what popped into my head at a moment of pain.
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if de-virgination results in me being able to birth hammerhead sharks, SIGN ME UP!!! --misslake
[ Parent ]
Yup by me0w (4.00 / 1) #22 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 09:12:20 PM EST
I am fond of 'Cheese and Rice!' or 'Shit the front door'.



Shit the front door? by technician (4.00 / 1) #30 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 11:37:58 PM EST
What the?

Good one, though. Damn.

[ Parent ]
SHUT the front door by me0w (4.00 / 2) #39 Sat Feb 27, 2010 at 08:10:38 AM EST
Stupid fucking 'i' near the 'u'.



[ Parent ]
Holy Blap by jayhawk88 (4.00 / 1) #23 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 09:27:49 PM EST
Stolen from Bob the Angry Flower.

Oh man I love that guy by technician (2.00 / 0) #31 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 11:38:46 PM EST
and now I will spend the night reading the last 12 months that I missed.

[ Parent ]
"my goodness" by 256 (4.00 / 2) #24 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 10:34:12 PM EST
said with the sort of breathless exasperation an English maid of a certain age might muster.

I started saying it as a conscious and half-joking replacement for the "my God"s that crept into my speech a couple of years ago from out of nowhere. It stuck and gets me some strange looks sometimes giving my general demeanour.

Also, whenever I catch myself halfway through a "What the fuck/hell," I'll substitute in "deuce" instead. This can actually be a quite effective tonic, since it turns an expression of outrage into one of puzzlement, which in turn makes me smile.
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I don't think anyone's ever really died from smoking. --ni

The problem is by technician (4.00 / 1) #32 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 11:39:19 PM EST
when I say "what the deuce" I say it in Stewie's voice.

[ Parent ]
Gosh! by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #43 Sat Feb 27, 2010 at 02:25:38 PM EST
My son's school has taught him to say "My Gosh!", which I find completely hilarious.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
When I'm not declaring porcine fornication... by atreides (4.00 / 1) #25 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 11:18:19 PM EST
...I find "mothercrapper" works nicely. I'm trying to use "frak" instead of other words but am not above the occasional "frell" or "hezmana" as a nod to Farscape.

He sails from world to world in a flying tomb, serving gods who eat hope.

I like most anything by technician (2.00 / 0) #33 Fri Feb 26, 2010 at 11:40:10 PM EST
that is short and percussive, so frak works...but then I get these looks form the almost-geeks around me and I have to smack them.

[ Parent ]
not that I use this ... by BlueOregon (4.00 / 1) #35 Sat Feb 27, 2010 at 01:36:19 AM EST
... at least not often ...

... but This is What Happens When you Meet a Stranger in the Alps!

How about fugu? by lm (4.00 / 1) #40 Sat Feb 27, 2010 at 10:39:33 AM EST
it's not just for breakfast anymore

Kindness is an act of rebellion.
i can't believe i forgot my favorite! by clock (4.00 / 1) #42 Sat Feb 27, 2010 at 11:59:52 AM EST
MOTHER OF PEARL!

i say that ALL the time.  especially in meetings with veeps.  works well in team meetings too.


I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

mine by R343L (4.00 / 1) #44 Sat Feb 27, 2010 at 08:34:36 PM EST
"Fudgesticks", "fiddlesticks", "dai dai" (spoken kind of videogame / anime), "crapsticks" (noticing a pattern?), "holy X batman" (or just "holy X" where X isn't a swear word), "donkey balls". Probably more but those are the only ones I can think of right now. Need to drop some stuff and see what comes out ....

"There will be time, there will be time / To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet." -- Eliot
I use by technician (2.00 / 0) #45 Sat Feb 27, 2010 at 09:16:05 PM EST
"Holy $thing Batman" quite a bit. One of the guys at work uses it all the time.

FIDDLESTICKS

[ Parent ]
I think one of the biscuit ones by notafurry (2.00 / 0) #51 Mon Mar 01, 2010 at 10:55:32 PM EST
came out when that hatch dropped on my hand at the boat, but I could be wrong. I was distracted.

[ Parent ]
we have these elevators by Kellnerin (4.00 / 1) #46 Sat Feb 27, 2010 at 09:31:44 PM EST
at work with the "Captivate Network" on them. You know, the screens of news and trivia and nonsense? They have a "Word of the Day" feature that always induces a petit mal seizure in my editor brain. It's become a running theme between Fritz and me (he threatened to get a copy of their Word Lover's Delight book for our team's Yankee Swap just so he could see me go postal). I should start appropriatinng those words as expletives. "Leviathan!" "Plenipotentiary!"

As an insult, ex-co-worker Kate and I stole "go initialize yourself" from a colleague who meant it in a completely benign context.

One time in a meeting, this guy muttered at his laptop, "What the WTF?" We exchanged looks around the conference table. "Cool. Recursive."

--
"Plans aren't check lists, they are loose frameworks for what's going to go wrong." -- technician

AWWW PEAS! by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #47 Sun Feb 28, 2010 at 12:58:51 AM EST
I think I picked that up from Teen Girl Squad.

I also use "SHOOT!" a lot.  The Dude has picked up on it.

I was once told that I was, "as purdy as a newborn heiffer."

i dunno by LilFlightTest (4.00 / 1) #50 Sun Feb 28, 2010 at 12:32:38 PM EST
newborn heifers are kinda cute...when they stop being slimy.
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if de-virgination results in me being able to birth hammerhead sharks, SIGN ME UP!!! --misslake
[ Parent ]
diabolical! by fleece (4.00 / 1) #48 Sun Feb 28, 2010 at 06:18:44 AM EST


Kinda misses the point... by ana (4.00 / 2) #49 Sun Feb 28, 2010 at 08:14:49 AM EST
but I once saw, and immediately fell in love with, "Sweet puppies fucking."

"And this ... is a piece of Synergy." --Kellnerin

Alchemy! | 51 comments (51 topical, 0 hidden)