Print Story Snowpocalypse 2010
By Phil the Canuck (Thu Dec 02, 2010 at 02:15:17 PM EST) (all tags)
Buried in the avalanche.

I came home last night, ate dinner, and figured I'd help myself out by shoveling the driveway.  Moved about four or five inches off the thing and felt damn good about myself.  Channel 2 was confidently predicting that my area (lake effect is an strange beast, with small bands of snow fingering out over the area) would get 4-6 more inches by around midnight, at which point the lake effect band would be heading for ski country.  That wouldn't take more than an hour to shovel off in the morning so I set my alarm for 5:30 confident that I'd have plenty of time to get to work.  Given Channel 2's penchant for predicting SNOWY DOOM every time we are set for even a couple inches of snow, I figured they were erring on the side of ratings-grabbing stupidity as usual.

Bzzzzzt!  Wrong.

I popped out of bed into my sweats and skipped out to the garage.  Shortly after pressing the door open button I was presented with the Snowpocalypse.  A field of white over my knees, the only break in the pristine snow being the two red mirrors sticking out of the snow mound where I could have sworn I'd parked my car the night before.  Two feet if it was an inch.  What to do, what to do?  Start digging.

Still digging.  Motherfucking snow.  For those of you who have never moved early-season lake effect snow, it is pure hell.  It's barely cold enough to be snowing in the first place, but the cold air moves across the warm lake and picks up moisture at an alarming rate.  The resulting snow comes in great turds of white, or pellets that are like sandpaper when they get blown into exposed skin, and absolutely refuse to sit still on your shovel.  Both of them are crammed absolutely full of barely-frozen moisture.  Last night we apparently got a layer of each. 

Still digging, except it's started to snow again.  First some pellets, then some bigger flakes.  I'm out here alone.  City of Good Neighbors, my ass.

Still digging, snow shitting down around me.  I change my clothes because everything is soaked through.  Early-season lake snow behaves suspiciously like rain when it hits a warm body.  Pausing to change is a good idea, I think, because it's never a good time to get frostbite on your testicles.  I don't want any more kids, but I do enjoy the free supply of testosterone.  Call me an addict.

At around hour 3 I made it to the snow plow snow.  Huzzah!  Then the neighbor from across the street came over with his snow blower.  Huzzah!  I told you this was the City of Good Neighbors!

Back to digging.  It's ten minutes later and my neighbor can't get his blower to bite the snow.  It's packed too hard.  I thank him for trying.

Still digging.  It doesn't seem too bad, that snow blower must be one o' them cheap ferrin jobbies.  Here I go, one scoop after the next.  Easy-pea... OW OW OW, why is there concrete in the middle of my snowbank?  Oh, there isn't, I've just hit the real snow plow snow that the blower couldn't eat.  It's neck-high on a fat, six-foot Canadian.  By this time my wife is brushing off my car for me under the mistaken impression that I'm almost done.  It's OK, she had a ways to go.  With all the snow on the roof my Sonata looked like an Econoline van.  I head back to the garage to get the spade.  The pointy one.

Still digging.  Breaking everything apart with the spade, then cleaning up the mess with the snow shovel.  I'm a bit of a tank, but I have to back off when I notice the scoop bending under the weight.  By this time I'm involuntarily exhaling with each shovel-load, grunting like I'm going all Bruce Lee on this shit.  I get to the road.  Now I just have to do the other two-thirds of this crap.

Four hours and thirty minutes.  Clear to the road.  I head in and take a shower.  I get dressed, and find that my wife has made me three pieces of rye toast with a big glass of iced tea and some hot chocolate.  I down the iced tea and she gets me another glass.  It was thirsty work.  I plow through the rest of my breakfast and grab my work things.  For a moment my groin protests and decides it would like it better if I just lay down on the floor, but the moment passes and I move on.

I get to work and recant my tale.  "Why did you even come in", I'm asked.

"Bloody-minded determination", is my response.  "I told myself that I was going to shovel out the driveway and then go to work, and come hell or high water that's what I was going to do."

...and so I did.
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Snowpocalypse 2010 | 20 comments (20 topical, 0 hidden)
Weird, did you move south of the city? by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #1 Thu Dec 02, 2010 at 02:28:19 PM EST
None of my FB kin from WilliamsWanda are reporting this.

It's easier by garlic (2.00 / 0) #2 Thu Dec 02, 2010 at 02:50:06 PM EST
for me to give up early, living in a condo. if the condo snow service plows my vehicle into it's spot, there's nothing I can do until they come back and fix it.

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Cheektowaga by Phil the Canuck (2.00 / 0) #3 Thu Dec 02, 2010 at 02:52:06 PM EST
We were just inside the band, but we still got nailed. 

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Fron your description by yankeehack (4.00 / 1) #5 Thu Dec 02, 2010 at 03:39:01 PM EST
you got nailed like that busty cheerleader during homecoming, jesus.

We had snow like that last winter (although not lake effect). I may crack if it does indeed happen again this winter.
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

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I'm hopin! by dev trash (2.00 / 0) #11 Thu Dec 02, 2010 at 10:32:20 PM EST
then again I'm near the mountains.  I love big snow...on Friday nights, though.

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ya know... by clock (2.00 / 0) #4 Thu Dec 02, 2010 at 03:27:38 PM EST
aside from access to a seriously hot, extraordinarily buxom, vigorous lovin' woman the ONLY reason to live in TX is to avoid what you just went through.

I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

My wife by Phil the Canuck (2.00 / 0) #7 Thu Dec 02, 2010 at 04:50:35 PM EST
Announced that we're moving to Vegas. 

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I was lucky by iGrrrl (2.00 / 0) #6 Thu Dec 02, 2010 at 03:45:26 PM EST
My 7:04 flight this morning was delayed until after 8 because the first officer got stuck in traffic (truck accident, cars inching around got stuck in the ever-falling snow, so I'm told).

Yep, my Buffalo timing was just about perfect.
"I honestly pity the stupid motherfucker who tries to talk down to iGrrrl" - mrgoat

Was it I90? by Phil the Canuck (2.00 / 0) #8 Thu Dec 02, 2010 at 04:51:22 PM EST
There are many, many cars that have been stranded on the 90 for around 22 hours now.

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Yep, I90 by iGrrrl (2.00 / 0) #12 Thu Dec 02, 2010 at 10:38:36 PM EST
Those poor people.

And, I've had days pretty much exactly as you describe...
"I honestly pity the stupid motherfucker who tries to talk down to iGrrrl" - mrgoat

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Good work, man! by muchagecko (2.00 / 0) #10 Thu Dec 02, 2010 at 08:31:39 PM EST
Where were the kids while you were shoveling? You probably could have had a little help from them.

A purpose gives you a reason to wake up every morning.
So a purpose is like a box of powdered donut holes?
My Name is Earl

They aren't much help by Phil the Canuck (4.00 / 1) #14 Fri Dec 03, 2010 at 08:52:24 AM EST
Plus you tend to trip over them and end up spraining something.  We're working on training the boy to shovel this year, but this was too much and too heavy.

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That reminds me ... by lm (2.00 / 0) #13 Fri Dec 03, 2010 at 08:50:40 AM EST
... I need to buy a couple more serious shovels. If DCia gets another snowpocalypse, I'm going to make a mint by shoveling out cars parked in the street out at $75 a pop. Driveways and sidewalks will be extra.

High density urban living is good for somethings ...

Kindness is an act of rebellion.
What, taking advantage of the less fortunate? by notafurry (2.00 / 0) #17 Fri Dec 03, 2010 at 02:00:53 PM EST
Isn't there some book you subscribe to that frowns on such things? ;)

In high school I used to drive up and down rural I-35 in my old pickup truck. It wasn't much, but it was plenty sufficient to pull tourists out of the ditch. I actually made a lot more money if I didn't ask for any - people usually responded to the good 'ol boy "aw shucks, it wasn't any big deal" routine by opening their wallets.

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Less fortunate? by lm (2.00 / 0) #18 Fri Dec 03, 2010 at 06:16:12 PM EST
I have doubts that anyone that lives in my neighborhood qualifies as "less fortunate."

If I lived in a less afluent neightborhood, I might very well dig cars out for free.

Kindness is an act of rebellion.
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Of course they're less fortunate! by notafurry (2.00 / 0) #19 Fri Dec 03, 2010 at 07:35:38 PM EST
They don't have shovels. QED.

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Hey it's not my fault ... by lm (2.00 / 0) #20 Sat Dec 04, 2010 at 09:29:01 AM EST
... that they bought a flat screen tv larger than my couch but couldn't be arsed to buy a shovel.

And, to be fair, I'd be more than willing to charge the same rates for neighbords that do have shovels.

Kindness is an act of rebellion.
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If you lived in a less affluent neighborhood by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #21 Mon Dec 06, 2010 at 12:42:50 PM EST
All your neighbors would have snowblowers, or at least several shovels.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

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I thought everyone in Buffalo had a snowblower. by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #15 Fri Dec 03, 2010 at 11:28:41 AM EST

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

Racist by Phil the Canuck (2.00 / 0) #16 Fri Dec 03, 2010 at 11:36:56 AM EST
In most cases shoveling is the best exercise I get in the winter.  This was just too much though.

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Snowpocalypse 2010 | 20 comments (20 topical, 0 hidden)