The good news - even though my teeth ressemble an ancient megalithic tomb gracefully falling to earth, my bite is apparently medically absolutely fine and needs no correction. That therefore leaves...
The bad news - to make my teeth straight enough to clean easily will require 1.5 years in top & bottom train tracks, followed by a number of years (possibly lifelong) with a retainer. Oh and 15,000CHF.

So, if I thought my tits were too small, I would not pay for a boob job. If I thought my face was saggy, I would not pay for a facelift. If I thought I had wrinkles, I would not go for botox. I was raised to worry about the substantive, not the cosmetic and as an adult I have consciously kept to that. It suits me. Except now, it is a complete pain to brush the teeth, but not substantive to do anything about it. Bah.

With 15k, I could take a few months off, I could go around the world, I could learn to drive, get a car and have spare change. I could dine on truffles and truffles and blinis and caviar. Or I can get metal in my mouth.