Weetabix, (my wife) moved her blog off of the ancient DiaryLand site and onto a brand new host about six months ago. It was a nice new design, all using WordPress on a host known for hosting WordPress. Let’s call them DoucheHost. DoucheHost even listed number one on WordPress.org’s web site of recommended hosts. We figured there would be no problem. And for a while, there wasn’t.
But one of the problems with WordPress is that it’s some damn popular blogging software. That means that malicious hackers loooove WordPress. Sensitive to this, Weetabix has been pretty good about keeping her site’s copy of WordPress up to the current code level. After the last update it ran for a little while and then *bam* down. Second time in a week. This time, however, DoucheHost tells us that the site’s been hacked. They claim to have fixed it, but no go. Weetabix points out to them that it’s still down.
At this point DoucheHost tells us that it’s not up because the hacker destroyed the database and WordPress configs. Right, that sucks major balls, but no problem Douchehost offers “complimentary backups” right? Sure. It was part of what sold us on the service, the once a week back up of the blog. Douchehost now tells us that for some reason, they don’t have a backup. Not for last week, not for any week. Oh, and that “backup” they are doing? They only do it when they feel like it, and not on every WordPress install. They give us bullshit reasons like “her blog was too big” and point at their terms of service as a shield. Well fuck you, Mr. Complimentary Backup.
I even called Douchehost today to find out if we could PAY for a fucking regular backup. (Provided Weetabix still wants to go with these clowns) The answer I get is this: No. You can backup the WordPress data bases any time you want by exporting them and then FTPing them down to your own desktop. That’s it. That is DoucheHost’s data integrity plan for users. Fucking manual backups DON’T WORK because everybody forgets to do them. All of their claims of data integrity and backups seem to be predicated on the fact that they run RAID 5 or 10 on their storage array. Who knows if they even back their own systems up off-site. Assclowns. My wife is majorly upset, a condition I am not fond of seeing her in. Her blog needs to be online again.
Here’s where you guys come in. I’ve called a number of these WordPress hosts and the story is always the same. They give you this utter bullshit line about complimentary backups and then proceed to say they won’t take ANY responsibility for doing it. Not even for money.
I need a decent, fast WordPress host. One that can automatically back up the data. I can’t say “money isn’t an issue” but I will say this doesn’t have to be some bullshit little $5 bucks a month host either. We need the staff of this host to be somewhere above pond scum when it comes to being helpful and sympathetic.
Here’s what I can’t/won’t do. I can’t really host it at home, I don’t have static IP. On top of that I don’t want to learn Linux. I know that for some of you that seems crazy, but honestly I am not interested in self-hosting. Just like some guys don’t change their own oil, I don’t host my own websites.
Hopefully you guys will have some ideas. I’m not sure what to do.
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