Print Story Well, this couldn't possibly end poorly.
By gzt (Thu May 14, 2009 at 04:12:39 PM EST) gzt, apple blossom (all tags)
I have my final in econ tonight. That's going to be fun. It'll all work out in the end.

Last night, the train-wreck girl who lives across the street called, said she was through with classes and wondered if I wanted to grab a beer or something.

Inside: super fun happy marriage poll because I thought it might be interesting to know.

I said, no, I am studying for my final the next day. She suggested after the final. R had decided not to do dinner after my final and I didn't feel like saying to train-wreck neighbor, "No, we should never hang out ever." Perhaps I should've floated having R along even though I knew she wouldn't be able to come, that would've set the proper tone. Anyway. I said, sure, whatever, drop by some bar, have a drink, go home. I should arrange to have R or somebody call me, like, after about as long as it takes to have one drink. Because I need to get home, run, and talk with R before it gets too late. And I really don't enjoy spending much time with this person. The awkward part will be that we live across the street from each other, so there's no immediate parting of ways. Anyway. I'm sure it'll be fine.

Going to some theatre thing tomorrow.

Oh, mother#$%@%#er. I might have pull stuff from this... delightful... database.

There are a couple other things I might have to do this weekend, but they're surely pleasant.

Today, after having a drink and talking to R--- on the phone, I should, like, work out. It'll be too late for running and it might be too late to make going to the gym very feasible. I'll figure it out. Grumble grumble.

Seriously, dudes. Every time I've gone into the men's room this last week, there's been at least one person taking a shit. How does this work? Seriously? I guess there are people on the other half of the floor now, but not that many of them are men. Maybe they have to do it in shifts. I guess 19 total men on the floor, you always expect somebody during the two hours around lunch because we have a break room on this floor, but, that leaves like 7 hours of sampling time for 19 men. I've talked about this before. It does not cease to disturb me. Perhaps I am a little obsessive.

Hey, little apple blossom! What seems to be your problem?

< House of cards | CRUNCH >
Well, this couldn't possibly end poorly. | 29 comments (29 topical, 2 hidden)
I shit a lot. by ambrosen (4.00 / 1) #2 Thu May 14, 2009 at 07:21:47 PM EST
A heck of a lot.

I have to tell you that doctors think it is a problem.

Also, last time I was asked your poll question, the woman asking almost certainly had an ulterior motive. As the only other person there was already betrothed, how should I have answered? And for bonus points, how could I  make the issue come up again?

I *knew* you were full of shit. -nt by chuckles (4.00 / 1) #18 Thu May 14, 2009 at 11:34:04 PM EST

"The one absolutely certain way of bringing this nation to ruin [...] would be to permit it to become a tangle of squabbling nationalities"
[ Parent ]
0-6 mos, too long, shits are normal by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #3 Thu May 14, 2009 at 07:30:06 PM EST
I knew inside two weeks I was going to marry Lassie and I think she thought pretty much the same thing. As corny as it might sound, we both kinda just knew. If you're calling this one "train-wreck girl" (and you are) you already know more than any of us could possibly tell you. Fuck her if you must but don't get involved.

As for the poops, it's probably not as often as you think. You're much more likely to notice when they're in the can than when they aren't.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

ah, no no no by gzt (2.00 / 0) #8 Thu May 14, 2009 at 09:27:48 PM EST
Train-wreck girl is an already-train-wreck who called me up the other day and has been documented vigorously in past Husiaries in days of yore. The girl I'm seeing now is very much not a train wreck (very much) and is the reason I'm curious about these questions. However, she was busy tonight.

[ Parent ]
time line by johnny (2.00 / 0) #4 Thu May 14, 2009 at 08:04:52 PM EST
Met the woman who has become Dear Wife on November, 1978. We got married September 27, 1980. Not quite two years.

We had been living together for a year, almost exactly.

The marriage thing might have happened sooner or later, modulo (a) her being married to somebody else at the time (he was out of the country the whole time; I've never met him)(b) her becoming pregnant. Who knows what the scenario would have been without those complications.

I had been engaged when I was 21, to a woman I had known for 5 months or so. That was a case where we both instantly "knew".  Or so I thought. I went overseas in the Peace Corps, while I was gone she ditched me for Jane, her girlfriend. They were a couple for the next 17 years or so. Ended badly, alas.

What kind of fool thinks you can go away for 2 years and everything will stay the same between you? Well, me. At least, the younger me.

Oh well, things work out, I guess.  But that was quite a kick in the teeth at the time.

She has effectively checked out. She's an un-person of her own making. So it falls to me.--ad hoc (in the hole)

Don't beat yourself up too badly by SunlightGirl (4.00 / 1) #12 Thu May 14, 2009 at 10:41:53 PM EST
When my boyfriend in the Navy went to his training he wrote all the time telling me how he missed me and such. He went to this place called Korea and he wrote me how he got gonrea and hepatitis from eating shelfish. People alright already I was just 17. Anyway I thought poor dear got all sick eating shellfish. Mentioned it to friend at school who put me straight about how shellfish can not do that. Can we say I was a fool to think he ever valued anything between us. I got my ring back eventually. He sent me some pink satin robe with red flowers  all over it. I sent him a dear John letter.  He still has hepatitis and always will what a memento of his visit.

Better to love and be a fool in believing than to love and be a fool in how you treat the other person.  Glad you eventually found someone to be with.
Oh fuck the ponies - fuck it all...
[ Parent ]
Not beating myself up at all by johnny (2.00 / 0) #15 Thu May 14, 2009 at 11:18:07 PM EST
Thanks for your kind words.

Not that it matters, but I was not beating myself up at all.

That first fiancee was (and is) one of the great loves of my life. In 2002 I spent 4 days with her, having not seen her in 18 years.  It was as if no time had passed.

I remember a call I got from her brother Mac when I was about 31 -- ten years since I had met "A." At the time I had a very demanding job, an house in the middle of a renovation, and two small children, one of whom had chronic health issues.

Seems that A. had had a stroke (due to some medicine interaction). She had lost most of her ability to speak (ironic: she was a speech therapist), and much of the control of her body. Her cognitive skills were off: some things she could think through clearly, other (seemingly simple) shopping tasks were well beyond her.

Her brother told me that she had refused to see anybody, including her parents. He was afraid that she was suicidal. So he asked her if there was anybody at all that she wanted to see, and she croaked out, "John".   So I spent the next month visiting her in hospitals, including Boston's Spaulding Rehabilitational Hospital, which provided, two decades later, the setting for some scenes in my famous novel Acts of the Apostles.

The point being, we were destined to be dear life friends, not husband and wife.

She has effectively checked out. She's an un-person of her own making. So it falls to me.--ad hoc (in the hole)

[ Parent ]
Johnny by SunlightGirl (4.00 / 1) #16 Thu May 14, 2009 at 11:28:11 PM EST
Thanks for sharing the most touching story I have heard all month. Kindness and love these are the ripples that really last. I hope all the kindness comes back around for you when you need it the most or better yet I hope you never do! God Bless You - Thanks for sharing. (((((( Johnmy))))))
Oh fuck the ponies - fuck it all...
[ Parent ]
Date, what does that mean? by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #5 Thu May 14, 2009 at 08:18:33 PM EST
Do you mean the years we lived together before making it a legal union? That would be five.

Indeed by codemonkey uk (2.00 / 0) #22 Fri May 15, 2009 at 05:59:54 AM EST
Dating is such an old fashioned concept.

--- Thad ---
Almost as Smart As you.
[ Parent ]
What's a better word? by gzt (2.00 / 0) #26 Fri May 15, 2009 at 03:07:49 PM EST
I mean, I'm not all up on the modern slang.

[ Parent ]
trothplighted by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #27 Fri May 15, 2009 at 03:10:29 PM EST
since it was mentioned in the novelization of Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings movies.

[ Parent ]
okay, that's a great word by gzt (2.00 / 0) #28 Fri May 15, 2009 at 04:44:35 PM EST
But not really for this context.

[ Parent ]
we... by ana (2.00 / 0) #6 Thu May 14, 2009 at 08:48:00 PM EST
noticed each other online in Sept '03; exchanged 500 e-mails or more and then visits in Dec '03, and Feb, Mar, Apr, May '04. In June of '04 toxicfur moved to Boston, and we lived together ever since. The following May we were married. Four years ago, next week. Wow.

Dunno if we ever "dated" or not.

"And this ... is a piece of Synergy." --Kellnerin

do you have a better word? by gzt (2.00 / 0) #9 Thu May 14, 2009 at 09:29:37 PM EST
There's a character limit, you know. Time between actually being involved in whatever way you want to consider it and actual marriage. Consider boundary cases on what seems best.

[ Parent ]
wow by SunlightGirl (2.00 / 0) #13 Thu May 14, 2009 at 10:43:01 PM EST
That is kinda sweet.
Oh fuck the ponies - fuck it all...
[ Parent ]
I have 2 answers for your poll by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #7 Thu May 14, 2009 at 09:25:40 PM EST
1st marriage:  dated 4 years, lived together for 2, separated before our 1st anniversary.

2nd marriage:  dated 1 year, lived together 6 months, happiest i've ever been in my life.  would have gotten married sooner, but had to wait for divorce to finalize.

there is no tried and true method for when to get married.  love is great, but love doesn't mean you should marry somebody.  do you share similar attitudes on finances?  whether or not to ahve kids?  how to you deal with arguments?  is one person insanely sloppy and the other a neat freak?  the little things will make the marriage work, not necessarily "being in love." 

also, do you have ANY misgivings about marrying this person WHATSOEVER???/  ANY doubt?  because if you have any doubt, you need to listen to what your gut is telling you.  i had doubts in the months leading up to my first marriage.  i dropped some hints with people about what i was feeling and every single one of them told me i just needed to get married and everything would work out.  LIES!  you are 1 billion times better off trusting your gut and waiting if you're not 100% sure than you are getting a divorce.

with clock, i had zero doubts about marrying him.  it is the best decision i ever made.

well, this is all purely theoretical by gzt (2.00 / 0) #10 Thu May 14, 2009 at 09:34:26 PM EST
It was just brought up someplace. And I won't talk about the rest in a google-able area just yet, since she may read it.

[ Parent ]
re: the poll ... by lm (2.00 / 0) #11 Thu May 14, 2009 at 09:42:48 PM EST
I would have made it less granular so that the connection between the question was more apparent.

[] Less than year, too short
[] Less than a year, just right
[] Less than a year, too long

And so on and so forth.

Kindness is an act of rebellion.
Yeah, but there are space restrictions. by gzt (2.00 / 0) #24 Fri May 15, 2009 at 12:07:37 PM EST
Ideally, I'd have the raw data so I could look at it on my own. But, well, whatevs.

[ Parent ]
Right, like I said ... by lm (2.00 / 0) #25 Fri May 15, 2009 at 12:36:11 PM EST
... you would have had to make the time spans less granular. But you could have still fit at least five spans of time in the proposed manner.

Kindness is an act of rebellion.
[ Parent ]
hmm by LilFlightTest (2.00 / 0) #14 Thu May 14, 2009 at 10:48:04 PM EST
it depends on your math. i guess if by dated you're asking how long we were together before we got married, a bit under 5. dated for not quite two years before we lived together, lived together for 3, and we've now been married 2 years. all told, 7 years officially simultaneously feels like a long time, and like it was just yesterday that we became an official couple (we were friends for a couple years before that). I "just knew" way before he did, I think.
if de-virgination results in me being able to birth hammerhead sharks, SIGN ME UP!!! --misslake
I would answer . . . by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #17 Thu May 14, 2009 at 11:31:40 PM EST
but that much data might break Scoop.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

In other words by SunlightGirl (1.00 / 4) #19 Thu May 14, 2009 at 11:34:09 PM EST
You might be a slut? LOL 
Oh fuck the ponies - fuck it all...
[ Parent ]
Oh, we've already made acquaintance? by ammoniacal (3.00 / 1) #20 Fri May 15, 2009 at 12:29:58 AM EST
Charmed, I'm sure.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
ob. anecdote by Merekat (2.00 / 0) #21 Fri May 15, 2009 at 03:41:11 AM EST
Among my circle of friends, I note that people who got together in uni generally lived together for at least 5 years before marrying. People who hooked up after were quicker, often marrying within a year. Of the married, there has only been one separation so far,  they were from the marry in haste group and split in under 5 years. However I don't think, knowing them, that this signifies.

We was crazy. by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #23 Fri May 15, 2009 at 09:09:02 AM EST
Worked in the same building for two years with nothing more than sideways glances and smiles, occasionally I'd have to do something to her computer and we'd pretend not to flirt with each other while I did.

She called me out of the blue in November and asked me out. We went out the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. We were living together, for all intents and purposes, within about two weeks. I actually moved my shit in within less than two months. We were serious about marriage within that amount of time. I knew by the end of our second date. If she's to be believed (and I believe her) she knew at the end of our first by the way I said goodnight to her. I was a dumbass and told her I wanted to wait until I had more of my personal debt taken care of.

We married in May.

Still deliriously, stupidly happy.

Well, this couldn't possibly end poorly. | 29 comments (29 topical, 2 hidden)