I was just thinking of the recurring theme, well, not so much a theme as an image or reference, of watchmen in the Old Testament prophetic works. Perhaps I was pricked by the title of that movie, or perhaps I've just been flipping through apocalyptic works and keep bumping into the word. I'm really looking for injunctions to repent, change your ways, do justice, abandon your usurious ways, etc, but I take note of other things, too.
I wonder whether I can be productive today. I should start peppering vacation days over the next few weeks just so I can get a handle on myself. And fill my time.
I'm wearing a suit. Because I am getting sushi in the evening.
I fear I have made an enemy, or at least driven off a friend. The one across the street. Something had to change or we would have killed each other, but this is far too close to the killing end of the spectrum. I haven't enjoyed her company for quite some time, I hardly enjoyed it at all when I did, so I won't miss that. I don't like what I did to drive her off, I don't like having driven somebody off, and I don't like unreconciled enmity. I gave it a week and then sent a note and tried to call with apologies, earnest attempts at reconciliation, but I think she has my phone blocked and deletes any e-mails unread. I'll send a letter by post and then consider that I've done everything in my power to make amends. And then I'm through. I doubt I'll run into her. What could I say if I ran into her at the grocer's? Before you leap to my defense, pointing out that the details of various treatments in the past as related here indicate this can't be totally my fault, I would say that any reasonable person on her end of the stick would be fully justified in making me their enemy. That I am but one of a long string of people (friends, lovers, family) she has left bitter and resentful in her wake is immaterial.
I don't know how I feel about eating lunch today. I may just pick up a new shirt. I can sometimes get by with wearing a shirt for a couple days, but I noticed the collar on this isn't terribly clean and I won't have time to go home to grab a clean one before dinner at Tsunami. I do need more shirts, too. Blue shirts. I have plenty of white.
I can't really focus. I'm thinking about Don Quixote. The impending destruction of Jerusalem and the Last Judgment. Cortez. Dulcinea. Thrasymachus. Antigone. Pantagruel. Hamlet, prince of Denmark. Death. Life. Claudius. I've got to get out of this place. Words, words, words. They're all I have these days. And hope. And change.
Given that I can't focus, maybe I should just take off the afternoon. I don't anticipate getting any work done. I'll make up some excuse, a forgotten dentist appointment or something. I don't have any meetings or pressing obligations.
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