WPKAW's parents are making things difficult right now. Without meaning to. But the reasons that WPKAW wasn't talking to them for the last six months before she died are not resolved as I had hoped they would be. I realise that people's characters, having been set over 70 years, will not totally change. But I'd expect the circumstances of their daughter's death might at least make them stop and think. If she were alive today, she would probably have stopped talking to them all over again.

But they're bereaved. So I can't go charging across country and tearing into them and asking wtf they're playing at. I have to take a deep breath, have a whine online to vent my angst and patiently try and draw in the reins a little tighter on them without causing offence or upset.

If I don't then SoWPKAW will not get her accommodation sorted. Once again, in death as in life, what WPKAW would have most wanted will have come second and selfishness will have prevailed.

WPKAW's death will have been for nought. Ultimately, she is neglected again. So I cry.

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Meanwhile the company managing WPKAW's parent's debts are not returning my calls for over a week, even though I have £6500 sitting here waiting for them. I can only presume they're not willing to talk to me about it rather than WPKAW's parents. They're due home today so hopefully they can talk to the debt company and get them to talk to me.

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Is it any wonder I'm straining for a little joy in my life? Some escapism. Just something for a change. But I made myself a promise that I would never, ever uses WPKAW's name or death to excuse myself from behaving honourably. I won't trample on others to relieve my stress. My sense of right and wrong is off the scale and it's pretty paralysing.

Stay posted for updates on the whole AXA/ESoDX turmoil. Either would be cool, to date for a while. I can see ESoDX being cool for more than a while actually. Except for that whole leaving her in her PJs thing and her now being a little distant. So I'm out with AXA tomorrow night instead. Which is cool too. She's fun. There will be drink and opera and drink and self control ebbing.

It will all end in tears no doubt. Mine, most likely.

All I can do is try and be honest without being brutal.

I'll end up going home. Home, where WPKAW is still. Home, where I'll sit on the edge of the bed talking to WPKAW. Except she doesn't talk to me. All my questions are just met with silence.

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And when I come home, (when I come home, )
Yeah I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who comes back home with you
I'm gonna be the man who's coming home with you

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles
To fall down at your door