Print Story I should be packing.
Love
By Lady Jane (Sat Jan 24, 2009 at 08:11:31 PM EST) (all tags)
Instead, I’m sitting in the massage chair at my hotel, listening to Chantilly Lace on the in-house sound system, trying to recover from a painful choice in movies.  I’m not sure why The Reader didn’t go straight to DVD.  Even Kate Winslet’s multiple naked scenes and luscious yet freakishly red nipples couldn’t salvage this one.

Caution – wedding planning purge inside.  I wrote it, it felt good to get it out, so I might as well post it.  It is not my best work.


I’ve spent yet another week in the southwest – a couple more months flying back and forth and I’m done… that sounds familiar – I think I may have said that before.  But this time it’s true.  I’ll be done by early summer.  No.  REALLY.  At which point I will begin commuting to greater Bostonia most days, and that will see me through the summer.

Last time I was home my betrothed and I spent the weekend traipsing through the local area, refusing to be put off by the mass chaos caused by the blizzard around us, looking for locations suitable to declare our undying love for each other for the record.  The wedding planning has begun! 
 
I didn’t think it was going to be this hard – mostly though I just don’t know where to start and we’re having difficulty determining exactly what we want in a wedding.  And no, we’re not eloping!  I fully comprehend that I’m going to drop enough money on this wedding to pay for a down payment on a small house, and I don’t think I can be talked out of it.  Aside from the “I’ve dreamt of this moment since…” argument, we both agree that we hate the idea of leaving anyone out, both from having the experience of being left out of the weddings of friends, and from listening to friends explain to others why they were left out.  So it will be on the large side of small, somewhere between 80-120 people.  Late summer or early fall.  And we’ve found what we believe to be the most magnificent of venues and once we get all the details and find out if it works logistically, I’ll share, but I don’t want to jinx anything just yet.
 
I also never expected the emotions involved in a wedding.  Everyone has an opinion, and seems to take it personally if you disagree.  I’m getting the hang of politely nodding.  I was first burned when my sister was offended that I don’t want her best friend as our photographer.  It was a sweet suggestion, and would be a money saver, but she sent sample pictures, and I really want my photographer to know a thing or two about lighting…  My other concern is that I have two dear friends that I know are/were hoping to be in the wedding, but I really want to keep the wedding party small, and family takes first priority.  I’ve asked my sister to be my matron of honor and plan to ask my other sister and future sister-in-law to be bridesmaids.  I’m hoping I can find some way to include my friends in the event because they are important to me, but I know at least one of them will be really hurt.
 
My mother and MOH sister are throwing us an engagement party next month – how many people does one invite to an engagement party?  Out guest list, including immediate family is at 51.  Only 32 if you don’t our sisters and their families!  My sister is a bit upset about the guest list, reminding me that it is customary to only invite the closest of friends and family… etc.  Rizzo and I think of it more as a reason to celebrate, in a ‘the more the merrier’ fashion.  As it turns out however, I don’t think there will be a large crowd – a large number of the invites went out blank!!  I’m not sure how to tell her this – my mother was the driving force behind the party and my sister is feeling like the majority of the work and expense (despite my offer to chip in) is being dumped on her, and her life is already bit stressful right now.  Fortunately, knowing I don’t want to upset my sister, mom has offered to call everyone on the guest list this weekend and make sure they got the word!

The one thing I do have figured out is the dress.  The second dress I tried on made me cry.  It is THE ONE!  Simple, white, and well, I’d say more, but I’m a traditional girl at heart, and certain people need to be surprised.  Next week I’m going to go pick it up.  My mom and MOH sister were with me when I tried it on.  After seeing me tear up, my sister disappeared and returned with a veil, which she affixed to my hair and arranged about my shoulders.  For the first time, it all felt real, and I felt like a bride.
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I should be packing. | 14 comments (14 topical, 0 hidden)
As someone who recently got married .... by me0w (2.00 / 0) #1 Sun Jan 25, 2009 at 04:32:56 AM EST
And spent lots of money and time planning .. my advice ... Have a destination wedding. You will save money, months of planning hell and will be much happier in the end.



I know you're right, but by Lady Jane (4.00 / 1) #2 Sun Jan 25, 2009 at 05:28:17 AM EST
There are too many people I want to be there that wouldn't be able to afford the trip. Like my parents and my best friend.

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"Buttons aren't toys" -- Trillian
[ Parent ]
Another way to save costs by Dr H0ffm4n (2.00 / 0) #9 Mon Jan 26, 2009 at 02:38:22 AM EST
Marry the least popular person you know!

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Pick a fiancee with family issues by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #10 Mon Jan 26, 2009 at 05:04:08 AM EST
We didn't invite my father_in_law, or aunts and uncles, to avoid awkward family brawls.


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Or you could invite them ... by me0w (2.00 / 0) #11 Tue Jan 27, 2009 at 04:07:45 AM EST
And then they just don't show up anyway (my father-in-law and brother-in-law didn't come).



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2 things by kwsNI (4.00 / 1) #3 Sun Jan 25, 2009 at 06:32:38 AM EST
A) agree with me0w, go somewhere, then have a reception for the extended family and friends when you get back.  But I know how hard that really is to do 

B) As far as not including friends, see if they can be greeters, collect gifts, help guests find their seats, etc.  And never forget it's your wedding, so do whatever the hell you want and don't let anyone bully you. 

2 years ago here by LilFlightTest (4.00 / 1) #4 Sun Jan 25, 2009 at 07:31:41 AM EST
but i still remember what a pain it was. your friends can help dress you, do readings at the ceremony, etc. whatever you do, appoint someone as your water bitch. you MUST have one because often, everyone forgets the bride (and groom) has those needs. i've ended up stepping into that role at family weddings because the entire wedding party wandered off during pictures, without looking at the couple to make sure they had everything they needed.

my whole wedding cost under 10k, and i had over 200 guests. of course, that kind of thing is more possible in some areas than in others. We didn't do anything fancy, but it all turned out to be very elegant without being over the top. very romantic without venturing into cheesy. dinner was delicious but nothing specacular.

Things i always remember about other peoples' (extended family) weddings: if there was something unusual i'll remember, otherwise all I remember is whether dinner was good or not, and sometimes where it was.

i know you're probably sick to death about other peoples' bride stories, but if you want to know how I cut cost without cutting quality, let me know.

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if de-virgination results in me being able to birth hammerhead sharks, SIGN ME UP!!! --misslake
I would love more ideas! by Lady Jane (4.00 / 1) #13 Fri Feb 06, 2009 at 08:49:21 AM EST

Beginning with how you fed 200 people for less than 10K!  Everywhere I call wants between $65 - 80  per person, plus tax, gratuity, etc!

 



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"Buttons aren't toys" -- Trillian
[ Parent ]
check your PMs by LilFlightTest (2.00 / 0) #14 Sat Feb 07, 2009 at 12:25:26 PM EST
and/or email me. contact info in my profile.

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if de-virgination results in me being able to birth hammerhead sharks, SIGN ME UP!!! --misslake
[ Parent ]
One of my closest friends... by toxicfur (4.00 / 1) #5 Sun Jan 25, 2009 at 07:38:27 AM EST
had her oldest/best friend as maid of honor, and her 4(!!) sisters as bridesmaids. She included other close friends (like me) by asking us to read something. I read a poem that I've since forgotten, but it made me feel good to be included (not that I needed a validation of our friendship), and because of her large family, I *completely* understood why I wasn't a bridesmaid.

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To Rollins lesbians are like cuddly pandas: cute, exotic, forest-dwelling, dangerous when riled and unable to produce offspring without assistance.-CRwM
Oh, and.. by toxicfur (4.00 / 1) #6 Sun Jan 25, 2009 at 07:40:25 AM EST
good luck! I was *so* fortunately that 1) we're members of a beautiful church; and 2) that ana was did 95% of the wedding planning. I honestly had very few strong feelings about what was going to happen in the wedding, so I was very, very happy to turn the details over to others.

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To Rollins lesbians are like cuddly pandas: cute, exotic, forest-dwelling, dangerous when riled and unable to produce offspring without assistance.-CRwM
[ Parent ]
My 0.02 by iGrrrl (4.00 / 2) #7 Sun Jan 25, 2009 at 04:45:21 PM EST
 I'm going to "third" the suggestion to have the close friends do readings in the ceremony. (It's actually higher profile and less work than being a bridesmaid.) Also, truuuuuust me on this: The simpler the wedding (invitation design, etc.) the more elegant, <i>and</i> the less expensive. You do not need to be announced at the reception. You do not need cascading flowers on your invitation. You do not need complicated centerpieces. (And I know I don't need to say it, but you do not need a champagne fountain in the middle of your cake. Or side cakes with stairs leading to them. If you have more guests than a traditional wedding cake will serve, they can make a nice sheet cake of the same stuff and serve that along with the "real" cake.)

Do remember that while it is your wedding, choosing to have a public statement and celebration is part of the long human tradition. You are announcing in front of everyone what you intend to do (live together, come what may, even the hard stuff). You are also entering into a new stage of your life in this culture. Of course people are going to have opinions and tell you how to do it. Grin, bear it, compromise where you gracefully can, and stand firm on what matters. Just make sure you absolutely know what <i>really</i> matters to you. Details about flowers should not get you worked up. 


"Beautiful wine, talking of scattered everythings"
(and thanks to Scrymarch)

Mine was blank... by Sapphire (2.00 / 0) #8 Sun Jan 25, 2009 at 04:54:56 PM EST
It is hard to keep things small and imtimate. 

uuuh, not if the invitations by rizzo (2.00 / 0) #12 Wed Jan 28, 2009 at 05:04:24 AM EST
go out blank... 

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I should be packing. | 14 comments (14 topical, 0 hidden)