Print Story A Day in the Life
Cow-Orkers XVII: Dr. Seuss

People often ask me, "REC? Why do you drink so much? Are you trying to become an alcoholic?"

Become? Hah! Walk a mile in my moccasins, muthafuckers. Or just sit in this room and listen.

I aten't dead yet!
Drinking poll included
x-posted to da brog.

Joe, my neighbour at work for those who've forgotten, just asked about the expression his toddler has been taught by an "English teacher" who claims to have lived in England.

"Vat iss means Pring out ze rroof tiles?"
I can't bring myself to relive any more of this than I have to so I'll skip the dialog. I finally figured out what he was trying to ask me, the meaning of "bring out the roof tiles". This is an expression his toddler has been taught and now actively uses. The teacher insists this phrase signifies the need to take a dump. This guy once lived in London, most likely the way I lived in Stockholm: an overnight hotel stay.

I screamed to Jules to have a listen; everyone else stopped what they were doing as well. I then loudly repeated the idiom I'd heard and its supposed meaning. Jules was laughing so hard that it was hard to hear anything else. Tears were streaming out of his eyes. The rest of the Krauts were laughing. Only Joe didn't get it.

And that should've been the end of it. But it wasn't. It never is. I had to ask.

"I'm going to hate myself for this, but what does he call peeing?"
"Ach!," said Joe with a triumphant smile, "Zet iss calt Make a pruller"! He beamed proudly. The office once again erupted into laughter. My noggin rushed for the safety and comfort of the my-head-shaped-dent in front of my keyboard.

When everything died down, I told him to tell the teacher that I, REC, said he's an incompetent fuckwit and if he wants to take it up with me he knows where to find me.

But no, that's not the whole story. Because not five minutes later he mentioned finally understanding the word which was pronounced somewhere between "hoass" and "hawz".

"A hose?"
"Ja, a hwawzs! I am finally learn ziss meaning"
Deer in the headlamps time...
"A 'hoawz' like what?"
Joe hesitated and then said, "Like, you know..." and whinnied.
"A horse?!"
"Ja! I am not knowing for sure?"
"That's a 'hORse', not 'hose'."
"Zet iss vat I am said!" he replied as he kept mispronouncing both words.
"Ja, a 'hoawz' iss a Pferd and not a Gartenschlauch vhich iss a 'hoawz'."

I want to beat him with a rubber pony. Instead I packed up and left.

"Bring out ze rroof tiles" has, of course, now become the latest in office slang around here. Fortunately "make a pruller" doesn't seem to have passed muster.

This along with being newly single isn't giving me much motivation to put down the bottle.

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A Day in the Life | 4 comments (4 topical, 0 hidden)
Alcohol is good, when you can't get weed by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #1 Wed Jun 25, 2008 at 04:31:24 AM EST

you should have Joe by sasquatchan (4.00 / 2) #2 Wed Jun 25, 2008 at 04:49:22 AM EST
teach his kid the other useful phrases such as "it places the lotion on its skin".

Well, if he's Austrian.

beat him with a rubber pony by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #3 Wed Jun 25, 2008 at 04:55:55 AM EST
Sounds like a euphemism for something really kinky.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

Now is a great time by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #4 Wed Jun 25, 2008 at 02:04:26 PM EST
to make a decision. Do you want a woman who wants to hang with a heavy drinker, or do you want a "better" class of woman on your arm?

Time to upgrade, man.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

A Day in the Life | 4 comments (4 topical, 0 hidden)