The weird balance in my life that's come around the past year or so is kind of an odd thing to me. Finding ways to make use of all my different hobbies without allowing any of them to permanently distract from any other. Finding ways to balance time with the family with time needed for my projects. Finding myself in position to accomplish all those someday goals that have always sat out there, unfulfilled, but still knowing I should be capable of them.
And then that strange part of my brain that flipped the switch over this past weekend that said, "no, that's enough."
OK, the weekend is too precise for when it happened. It's been shifting for a couple of weeks now. My ongoing quest to gain weight has been going on without any real desire to pursue it on my part for several years now. Sometime a couple weeks back that began to change. Portions just didn't get as large as they used to. My Mongolian bowl wasn't mostly meat and noodles, but instead mostly vegies and little sauce. Then the big moment this past weekend where I turned to Mrs. NFB and said, "I think I'm done with pop."
"What?" The look of disgust on her face was like the look someone gives to a person who casually says, "I'm gonna go rape the neighbor's dog."
"Pop," I urp my way through the sentence, "I think I'm done with it."
"But why?" I could hear the desperation in her voice.
"Because it just makes me feel crappy anymore."
"Well," she says hesitantly, "I guess that'd probably be good for you."
And so, I gave up pop.
For a guy who typically takes three twenties and a twelve oz in any average day, that was quite a change.
I had my biggest test yesterday. The caffeine-fiend headache hit me hard. I fought it most of the afternoon, then around three-thirty I walked out, looked at the pop machine with my money in hand, then turned to the crapateria and picked up a small iced tea.
The headache didn't completely go away, but it lessened enough I could finish the day.
In the past couple weeks I've also switched from eating around a half-cup of M&M's every day to having none. I've been skipping my greasy bag-o-chips at lunch and been sticking to a lunchmeat sammich and cottage cheese. At night I've transfered my big desserts for a couple crackers with Nutella or, last night, a few carrots for their vaguely sweet taste.
And then last night I had my worst moment. The hunger pangs struck me after supper. This is usually the point where my attempts to drop weight have failed in the past. I end up thinking, god, I'm starving and shoving food down my gullet like a wild animal turned loose in an ocean of their favorite foods. Last night, feeling that feeling, I instead grabbed a single piece of bread, put some pieces of ham on it from our big ham cookup over the weekend, put a touch of mustard on it, and ate that slowly. Strangely, I found that that small amount of food, when eaten that slowly, was enough to knock that hunger right out.
Now, I'm not exactly sure why things feel so different this time around. I just know they do.
I've found myself being more peppy and energetic in the evenings which finds me doing more things. I'm guessing this is because my belly isn't so full I feel like I can't move. Last night I found myself out in the workshop actually doing things I've wanted to do for a long, long time. Cleaning things up, and getting on with it. I NEVER work in the shop during the week. Ever.
I feel like I've lost a lot of water weight over the past week or so. Stopping the salt and sugar intake, or at least minimizing them, has caused most of my clothes to fit just a touch looser already. And I know without any doubt that my calorie intake has dropped like a rock over the past week or a little more. Getting rid of pop is a huge part of that. Losing my candy affliction is another.
I feel all Yoda and shit about it right now. "Do, or do not; there is no try." It's weird, but it's working.
One other minor thing that may be of interest: Work has begun on "Josey Be Good," the "Johnny B. Goode" parody song Mrs. NFB requested I do for Pup1 for her birthday. I've learned the first guitar bit, and am working on figuring the bass guitar right at the moment. Got most of the lyrics figured out. The goal is now to get enough video footage of Pup1 running around like a fool to make a full-song video out of it. And to record the puppy laugh I get when I say, "you're such a bad girl Josey" to her in a jokey way to put into the song ending.
Mrs. NFB still sort of believes I'm not going to do it because of the way I initially reacted to her suggestion. All part of the plan.
Outz for another day.
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