Print Story I don't wanna.
By blixco (Fri Apr 18, 2008 at 06:28:56 AM EST) (all tags)
I don't think so.

Trips down memory lane are best accomplished as a sort of long-divorced shared experience.  The things she remembers about me and the things I remember about her are colored by 20 years of intervention, twenty years of All New Life, and boy is it fun.  We're riffing sometimes, making some neat threads in email that wind from harrowing horror to huge fun all in one sentence.

And her writing is supremely intoxicating.  She's writer.  I mean, that's her vocation.  So the words are beautifully placed, frantic and so well crafted.  She writes these dialogs between her and her kids, no shit, check this out:

The chasm between age ten and thirteen. (S is my daughter)

Me: It's a show about little blue people/creatures/guys. It's animated.

S: huh?

Me: A Show about little blue characters. How they live, play, etc.

S: Why would someone make a show about blue things?

Me: Cause.

S: What do Murfs do?

Me: Smurfs.

S: What do Smurfs do? Elle's sister, Danni, made up a song that goes, "da dad ada do, I'm a Goof-Ball."

Me: They do Smurf things, like us. It's just a show about little blue people who do the same things we do.

S: Is there a bad guy?

Me: Yes. Gargamel.

S: Does he smell? They should have named him Gargasmell.

Me: uh huh.

S: What are the Murfs names?

Me: Smurfs. They have Smurf names like Smurfette is the girl and the others are Brainy Smurf, Handy Smurf, Papa Smurf.

S: Where's Mama Smurf?

Me: There isn't one.

S: Why not?

Me: I dunno.

S: There's only one girl and a dad?

Me: uh huh.

S: Did they do it to get the other Smurfs?

Me: No.

S: gross


S: Does Brainy Smurf get good grades?

Me: I guess.

S: Why don't you know? Why would they call him Brainy Smurf if he didn't get good grades? Elle got a B in Math.

Me: I assume he got good grades...I never saw a school.

S: I've heard you should never assume.

Me: ?

S: Are any of the Smurfs going out?

Me: I dunno...they all like Smurfette.

S: But she's their sister...?!

Me: I guess...

S: If Papa Murf is the DAD!!!!

Me: Smurf. Well, yeah, I dunno.

S: What do you call that again?

Me: Smurfs

S: No, the other thing with the sister?

Me: Incest.

Now she is 13. And our exchanges go like this...

S: fuck

Me: (silent cause I'M BUSY)

S: ah, fuck

Me: (still busy)

S: fuck it. fuck it all. fucking fuckers. All of em. Fuck.

Me: Who's a fucker?

S: fuckin' ALL of them. Fuckers. I fucking hate them. Fuck.

Me: (Still busy yet obliged) who?

S: THOSE fuckers!

Me: Which fuckers doth you speak?

S: The fucking fuckers who are ruining my fucking life.

Me: Your life is too young to be ruined.

S: Still, fuck em. Y'know.

Me: Clearly, nope.

S: I mean, like, they're totally fuckin' with me. They're all a bunch of fucks.

Me: (still busy but I CHOSE to get pregnant) Who are we talking about?

S: Y'know, like, in school and shit, we're like, y'know doing the genocide thing, and like, those fuckers, y'know they're all alike. Fuck em.

Me: You mean Nazis?

S: Like, YEAH, Nazis are fucks just like the rest of those fuckers. I mean, like, they're TRUE fucks. Y'know?

Me: Yeah, as opposed to those false fucks. For sure.

S: LIKE, you're not listening to me. FUCK! You don't care what I like have to go through like with all of those fucks!

Me: (Still willing) Babe, you're my Schmoopie and shit but I don't know what you're talking about when you reference "those fucks". Can you give me a little more?

S: ugh. You should know...

Me: (looking for Xanax) Should know whom, Sweet Pea.

S: You suck. I hate you. Don't call me those fucking sugary baby freaky names. Hold me.

Me: (anchored now and unable to hunt for pharmaceuticals and STILL HELLA BUSY but trapped) Are you mad Babe? Do you need to talk?

S: I just fucking hate them. They're the cause for everything wrong in this fucking world. Fucks.

Me: que?

S: you're stupid.


S: boys, Man.

Me: Ah, yes. Let me get Andrea Dworkin on speed dial here and she can give us directions to the new dys-utopic island where there are no males. Doesn't that sound like heaven...can you imagine S., no war, virtually no violence, equality, good pay, no exploitation, no objectification, no free subscription to Cosmo with each Brazilian bikini wax, did I mention no violence? Pack your bags. Saddle up. I'll teach you how to really blame the patriarchy. Let me just tell your father and brother goodbye and good luck, and we are off to our Brave New World...maybe we'll run into the Onion Girl or a Handmaiden!

S: You fucking read too much.

I mean, goddamn. 

Which has lead me to think that maybe I missed something by not having kids, which probably sounds stupid to those of you who have kids, but you have to understand, as an avowed non-breeder, kids just don't appeal to any aspect of my existence.  Maybe they will at some point, but we're already hitting the "too late" period.

Who knows how we'll end up, but I suspect we'll eventually adopt an 18 year old just to have the "we kicked them out of the house" experience.

The strangest part of this whole dialog between my friend and I is, it's firmly put my head into the past.  I am normally prone to fits of nostalgia, as you well know, but this is different.  She knows things about how and where people ended up that I'd not known about, and the realities are interesting to say the least, heartbreaking at the very worst.

But it is all refreshing, hearing from her and reconnecting with that section of life and time. 

I'll have to drag some of those stories out, and write them down.  For now, I have to fret and fume at a meeting with people who don't understand networking, but require it at a level that we're incapable of supporting.

< Due to unforeseen technical difficulties | SWFC #0 - Time to Vote! >
I don't wanna. | 7 comments (7 topical, 0 hidden)
I feel that by muchagecko (3.33 / 3) #1 Fri Apr 18, 2008 at 07:03:46 AM EST
I know it. Your friend seems to have very neatly encapsulated the differences between age 10 and 13.

I should probably show this to my 14 year old.


"It means more if you have to earn it, even if it's by doing something as simple as eating a meal." Kellnerin

Who doesn't know Smurfs? by ammoniacal (4.00 / 2) #2 Fri Apr 18, 2008 at 07:50:02 AM EST
I think you were trolled, successfully.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

At ten years old by blixco (2.00 / 0) #3 Fri Apr 18, 2008 at 07:54:32 AM EST
in modern-day america, I don't think you'd know the Murfs.
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]
Doesn't know where they came from ? by sasquatchan (4.00 / 1) #4 Fri Apr 18, 2008 at 08:45:00 AM EST
Geeze, I even remember where smuffette came from -- gargamel created an ugly smurf-look alike to ensnare the smurfs1. The ugly look alike was sorta self aware, and felt bad about getting them trapped, gets everyone home, and by magic pappa smurf turns the ugly into smufrette. Thus, no sex. I believe it was even a 2 parter..

That and the 13 yr old needs her mouth cleaned out. Sounds like a retarded Q. No better, and probably worse than, the "like like, you know, like" twits out there. If you can't express yourself meaningfully.. (and if there's one of many things I hope to beat into my kid ... )

[1] Gargamel's plans always involved capturing smurfs to turn them into gold.

Are you calling my friend's daughter by blixco (2.00 / 0) #6 Fri Apr 18, 2008 at 12:47:26 PM EST
retarded?  I am so, like, beating your ass the next time I see you.
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin
[ Parent ]
I can't wait for The Dude to start talking! by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #5 Fri Apr 18, 2008 at 11:15:28 AM EST
I can have conversations like that, except I'll be the slack-jawed yokel, and he'll be the eloquent one!

Kicking them outta the house experience... by Audrey II (4.00 / 1) #7 Fri Apr 18, 2008 at 06:19:56 PM EST
Yeah...either adopt an 18yr old or mmmm, have your nephew come and live with you as a 'stepping stone' to getting on his feet.
It's quite the challenge.  Learning experience and all that. 

I love the lil bro but oi, teaching him to be a decent roommate is something more than I anticipated.  :)
Oh, he got a car on Tues...I think he's spent one night here since then.  heh.  Still waiting on the actual working thing to happen.

Pics from the party turned out so-so, btw.  They should be posted in a bloggy space sometime soon.


I don't wanna. | 7 comments (7 topical, 0 hidden)