Print Story WFC Eye Ex - The Return of the It Narrative - It's Votin' Time!
By Christopher Robin was Murdered (Tue Apr 01, 2008 at 02:11:46 AM EST) (all tags)
In which democracy acts like a force for natural selection and we, the upright citizens of HuSi, crown a new literary champeen! Inside, Cyrus, the One and Only, from The Warriors announces the end of the contest and opens voting.

Can you read, suckers?

I say the contest is yours, if you can read.

Look what we have here: The story "For Now We See" right next to "Existence." "Dian Bling" right next to "Objectively Speaking." Seven hardcore entries in all. That is a miracle. And miracles is the way things ought to be.

Writers always talk about their stories. The single entry that they put up on the site. That's crap, brothers. There are thousands of potential contest voters on this site. Now there ain't but seven authors in this whole contest.

Now here's the sum total. One story has got to win this contest. One story! And you will decide this winner because we've got poll, suckers!

This week – starting today and ending April 8th – the stories belong to the voters! Brothers, all we have to do is read the stories. Then cast a vote for your favorite in the poll provided in this here story. We decide the future of these stories, my brothers.

Can you dig it?

Can you dig it?

Can you dig it!

< I Am Lead... | As mechanics and plumbers and technicians >
WFC Eye Ex - The Return of the It Narrative - It's Votin' Time! | 17 comments (17 topical, 0 hidden)
WIPOs by codemonkey uk (2.00 / 0) #1 Tue Apr 01, 2008 at 08:56:37 AM EST

--- Thad ---
Almost as Smart As you.
Story Reformatting Fun Challenge by Kellnerin (4.00 / 4) #2 Tue Apr 01, 2008 at 04:55:43 PM EST
OK, well, it wasn't tremendous amounts of fun or really that challenging, but in the interests of accessibility and making the entries easier to read in a browser, I give you: The files on the official upload site remain, of course, the canonical versions, and although everysome effort has been made to ensure the integrity of the original works, the management makes no guarantees that something hasn't been lost in the translation. My apologies to the authors if I have mangled their work in any way.

Also, although I've been known to submit more than one entry to a WFC, I lay no claim to either of these stories.

"Late to the party" is the new "ahead of the curve" -- CRwM

(Comment Deleted) by yicky yacky (4.00 / 2) #16 Thu Apr 10, 2008 at 04:27:24 AM EST

This comment has been deleted by yicky yacky

[ Parent ]
So, by Kellnerin (4.00 / 1) #17 Thu Apr 10, 2008 at 04:08:53 PM EST
When are you going to kick off the Existence Fun Challenge?

Seriously: damn. I think you may just have identified the best title I've had so far for something that's been in my head for years.

"Late to the party" is the new "ahead of the curve" -- CRwM

[ Parent ]
My fellow HuSians by Christopher Robin was Murdered (4.00 / 2) #3 Wed Apr 02, 2008 at 08:37:08 AM EST
Though, as the contest organizer, I try to stay above the tumult of the voting fray, I believe it is essential for every right-minded person on the Internet to cast their vote for the excellent "The 411."

For me, the contest came down to "George [Insert Serial Number Here]" and "The 411." It came down to the wire, but I had to throw my support to the ol' four eleven. I like the dewy-eyed lovers tone, the somewhat cryptic ending, the machine's neediness, and the comedic contrast between the machine's access to information networks and its general ignorance of the world around it. It's William Gibson's "Gentlemen Prefer I-Phones."

Good show everybody. But there can be only One! 411, that is.

I'd like to tell everyone by blixco (4.00 / 2) #4 Thu Apr 03, 2008 at 03:37:07 AM EST
that Dian Bling might be the best goddamn story you'll read about an appliance in your lifetime, and it would be a dis-service to ignore. That the structure / sequence / voice / effect are all right on. That The 411 is good, but Dian Bling is just...right.

But I can't just say that, not without the appearance of endorsement, so maybe if I do it as a reply to a previous endorsement and treat it as a point of contention, folks would be more comfy with it, or at least excuse the blatant favoritism.

So: fuck you, CRwM. Dian Bling is where it's at.
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin

[ Parent ]
On the recent controversy. by Christopher Robin was Murdered (4.00 / 5) #5 Thu Apr 03, 2008 at 04:31:36 AM EST
As the host of contest, I feel it is important not to get dragged into the petty he said/blixco said mudslinging that sadly accompanies WFCs. But recent events have forced me to break my silence.

My fellow Americans, and my neighbors in the UK and the unincorporated Northern Territories, we stand at the crossroads of history. We come from all over the English-speaking world – and a few places that aren't: like Australia. Together we've forged a great traditional of rapidly written, poorly edited, on-spec fiction. Only on HuSi would our story be possible.

Scientific research shows a strong correlation between voting for Dian Bling and incidence of cervical cancer. That's a fact, because it's science. And we must always remember, only on HuSi is the story of this research possible.

Furthermore, people who vote for Dian Bling a horse-thieving, barn-burning, human traffickers who get their thrill kicking puppies – extra cute puppies that love their owners and want nothing more to bring joy to the world. Our democratic, free, and puppy loving institutions recoil at such practices. And we must remember, as long as we live, that only on HuSi is the story of these institutions even possible.

Why do they do it, these cruel and heartless Dian Bling voters? Some say it has to do with their worship of eldritch deities who demand child sacrifices and require their devotees deface the private property of other. Personally, I just think their bad apples.

Is that the kind of person you want to be?

Vote for experience and change. Let's maintain the status quo while boldly forging new directions for the WFC. Vote "The 411."

[ Parent ]
No offense, but talentless whores by blixco (4.00 / 4) #6 Thu Apr 03, 2008 at 04:55:35 AM EST
often disagree with what I say.

That being said, the very best outcome from voting for The 411 is blindness to the sorts of elitist propaganda that you often see bandied about by multi-syllabic Ivy league bullshit merchants on our beautiful website.

Not that there's anything wrong with The 411.  On the contrary, it is a perfectly fine story, unfortunately endorsed by and caught in the web of lies of the local hipster glitterati and their ilk.  It is sad when a perfectly OK story about a thing becomes embroiled in intellectualized catfights by Vice Magazine subscribing skinny jeans wearing Eco nerds. It's sad when an extravagantly vibrant, beautifully toned, wonderfully dry and perfectly balanced story like Dian Bling  which just happens to be about a blue collar appliance in a modern world, is mercilessly skewered by high-minded intellectuals who spend all of their time pretending to know important literature while working on their own never-ending novels about hipster trash in New York.

No, there are no conclusions one should draw from The 411 being endorsed by snooty, ill tempered litnazis.  Christopher Robin McSweeny's endorsement of The 411 should not at all impinge on the ernest effort put forth by the author. I'm sure the author is, at this moment, lawyering up and preparing to fight this "endorsement" in court to represent the best interests of literature.

While that drama plays out, might I recommend that you vote for Dian Bling, a simple, wonderful story about a hard working appliance and a serial killer?
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin

[ Parent ]
Little know ye who be voting! by Christopher Robin was Murdered (4.00 / 3) #7 Thu Apr 03, 2008 at 05:45:18 AM EST
Once again the armchair pseudo-liberals of the digital world shake off the haze of their booze-fueled self-regard to tell the workingman what really represents them! The closest thing these people get to a blue collar is their baby blue Polo shirts, which they like to wear to the golf course, where, after taking in few holes with the heads of various big pharmaceutical firms and representatives of the Military Industrial Complex™, they retire to the club house to snort lines of high grade coke off the naked bellies of their captive under-aged illegal-immigrant concubines!

Is their culture what represents you! Will you be pandered to any longer?

A vote for 411 is a clear signal to these fat literary insiders and tastemakers that they better get their thumbs out of their asses, 'cause you plan to shove their story where the sun does not shine!

HuSians, I don't want this noble contest do disintegrate into personal attacks. That blixco drinks the blood of Christian babies and sleeps with pigs is no reason you shouldn't take him recommendation seriously. Instead, you should look at the thing objectively and ask: If Dian Bling is so great, where was it on 9/11? When our boys were dying in Iraq, where was Dian Bling? When the housing bubble collapsed and thousands of Americans lost everything they had, where was Dian Bling?

I'll tell you where! Sitting with blixco on a private beach on a secluded Caribbean island downing mai tais and feeling up five-diamond whores from the Emperors Club! Is that working class?

It's time that the working man chased these degenerate reprobates out of this WFC!

"The 411" or Blood!

[ Parent ]
In a perfect world, by blixco (4.00 / 2) #8 Thu Apr 03, 2008 at 06:07:10 AM EST
there would be no contention. We would be at perfect peace with ourselves, and would not endeavor to flog our closeted psychosis in a public forum. We would know the inner light of true righteousness, and we would be one with the universe.

The antithesis of that utopian vision is best encapsulated by the frothing madness of noted The 411 endorser and critic of all rational thought, Christopher Robin was Murdered (if that is, indeed, his name). While playing on the fears and encouraging the hatred that has engulfed our post 9/11 world, CRwM has managed to drag down what could be a fine piece of storytelling, The 411.

You can pick your enemies, and you can pick your friends.  The 411 gladly returns CRwM's fetid embrace by not speaking out against his libelous, hate-filled warmongering.  We must take it upoon ourselves as rational, right-thinking beings to promote only those elements in our society that encourage and further our desires for freedom, science, and hope. It is obvious what path The 411 has taken.

We didn't land on CRwM.  CRwM landed on us, enslaving us with his hypnotic us-versus-them hatred, his complex Nazi-esque tactics, his paranoia and persecution complex, his hatred of Muslims, and his complete lack of regard for the future of this challenge, this site, indeed this country.

The WFC and those of us truly interested in the welfare of it must embrace our peace and freedom, must breathe deep the fresh clean air of change, must fight the encroaching blood lust of known hater CRwM and his minions.

And while we engage the hateful parody of a user that he is, I encourage you to vote Dian Bling as the ONLY reasonable choice among free thinking, rational men.
"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin

[ Parent ]
Notes by Scrymarch (4.00 / 2) #9 Fri Apr 04, 2008 at 02:31:59 PM EST
For Now We See. You look right through me. I kind of like the way this mirrors the whole anthropogenic approach; we invest human emotions in inanimate objects in order to reflect on human behaviour from another angle. You could also have a whole run of window protagonists, like stories told from a ringside seat at the Prague Defenestrations.

Existence. This seems like the classic form of It narrative to me, pathos and sympathy for the tool of man in the tale of their life from beginning to end. This goes for the fate of the balloon in the end, which is one of the few happy endings ...

Dian Bling. A bit gimmicky, but has a few moments.

Objectively Speaking. Because of the genre, I spent the first half of the story paying very close attention, trying to work out what the protagonist was. When it finally became unambiguous personal, my perspective shifted slightly. I liked this trick but it only works because one author did it. Also seems to have some ana tells.

The 411. I found myself constantly distracted from the actual story, though it's readable enough.

People Have Their Uses. Montana Jim the talking bone screw. I never watched such films as a child but I feel I know them well through the Simpsons alone.

George F26082238B. How good does it have to be to be twenty-cents good? Don't know about the ending here, or rather it feels like an intro to CSI: Banknote. Which could be fun, admittedly.

The Political Science Department of the University of Woolloomooloo

It reviews by Kellnerin (4.00 / 1) #10 Sat Apr 05, 2008 at 04:15:35 AM EST
This WFC marks the beginning of my resolution not to try to say something about every story, but the discussion has been so entertaining so far I think it hardly matters. So here goes:

"Late to the party" is the new "ahead of the curve" -- CRwM
I am going to comment on every story by 2 plus 3 equals 5 (4.00 / 1) #11 Sun Apr 06, 2008 at 05:12:31 AM EST
I didn't like any of them.

-- Do the math.
touché by Kellnerin (2.00 / 0) #12 Sun Apr 06, 2008 at 06:12:41 AM EST

"Late to the party" is the new "ahead of the curve" -- CRwM
[ Parent ]
Vote anyway, you slacker. by Christopher Robin was Murdered (2.00 / 0) #13 Sun Apr 06, 2008 at 11:38:47 AM EST
It's anything with you to get out of a little work. It's high time you started pulling your weight.

[ Parent ]
My vote by 2 plus 3 equals 5 (4.00 / 2) #14 Sun Apr 06, 2008 at 12:08:57 PM EST
My vote would go to the CRWM/blixco comment thread?

-- Do the math.
[ Parent ]
Just under the wire by spacejack (4.00 / 1) #15 Tue Apr 08, 2008 at 03:06:11 PM EST
Lazy reader that I am. Anyway...

First the votes:

I checked off For Now We See and The 411. Both seemed the most polished and successful at what they set out to do. They stood out from the pack to me, so I didn't choose a 3rd.

And now the notes:

For now we see
Most interestingly, it seemed like a hybrid of first & second person narration. Good stuff, though depressing. Very well written. If the stories were submitted for a creative writing class assignment, I would expect this one to get the top mark.

Dian Bling
It's a cute story, and is consistent with its blog format by being reverse-chronological order. A little tedious to get to the punchline. Was sad to find the links go nowhere. Seems like it could be a starting point for a more developed story/hyperlink concept.

George F26082238B
Would have reminded me of the movie 20 bucks, had I ever actually seen the movie. Some stylistic choices in the writing that I wasn't too crazy about. A bit meandering, but it had some good moments and an odd sense of authenticity.

Objectively Speaking
Maybe I'm stupid, but I didn't get how the storyteller could be an inanimate object. I'll confess to reading it too quickly.

The 411
Okay, on the surface, I got this one, but I think some clues slipped me by. Not sure if it's a terrorist's cellphone or what. But overall, the most fun to read.  If the stories all published, I would expect this to be the bestseller.

Not badly written. A little too straightforward, but a completed entry that wasn't a cop-out. Though I feel I must point out the line: "A lab, black as night." Are you serious?

People Have their Uses
This would be my favourite "failure" of the bunch. It's too long with way too many details about stuff I didn't care about, and tosses too many things into the mix for a short story. But I thought the main concept (shifting consciousness) was the most interesting of the entries. Too bad it didn't stay focused on that.

I hope this doesn't come off as too harsh or brisk, since I haven't bothered to enter a WFC yet myself. Props to everyone who wrote one.

WFC Eye Ex - The Return of the It Narrative - It's Votin' Time! | 17 comments (17 topical, 0 hidden)