Print Story A Day in the Life
Working life
By ReallyEvilCanine (Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 04:47:09 AM EST) A Day in the Life, WTF, IRC, integration, pie (all tags)
IRCing Wat Ur Doing

After four hours of conf calls with people so stupid the only reason that they don't check the level of gasoline in their cars with a lighter is that flicking a Bic without a 14-page PowerPoint explanation is beyond their feeble mentalities, I finally got home. In trying to relax I hopped on #husi at slashnet and got into a chat with others facing the same sorts of hell that I do. Thanks to aph for sparring with me and making me laugh in a moment when all I wanted to do was deepen the my-head-shaped-dent in front of the keyboards.

x-posted to da brog.

The sad thing is that it's nearly impossible to tell this "conversation" apart from real internal communications. Only the lack of useless managerial buzzwords -- "synergy" and "paradigm"come to mind -- prove this wasn't cut and pasted from internal mails.
[00:06 aphrael] dear developers: the problem QA is reporting is critical and must by its description be something low-level. the minor fixes you are throwing at them with "this ought to fix it" without actually bothering to investigate the problem are ... useless.
[00:06 aphrael] please stop wasting their time and mine. thank you, integration.
[00:07 REC] Dear QA, please to be writing accurate reports of EXACTLY what the problem is. Please to be providing images of the test beds and the logs, monitors and dumps we need to fix it. Love, Eng.
[00:08 aphrael] engineering: the problem is that the software does not print. at all. this should be trivial to reproduce. love, integration.
[00:09 REC] Dear Sales, please to stop fucking telling customers about all the great print features which Eng hasn't worked out and QA can't certify before you sell the product, leaving US to come up with a fucking solution. Love, Support
[00:09 aphrael] Dear Support: our product is a printer. Love, Management.
[00:10 REC] Dear Management, please to be providing some fucking ink already. Love, Support.
[00:11 aphrael] Dear Support, Sales, QA and Management, Ink? I think we've found the problem. Love, Eng.
[00:11 REC] Dear Integration, Please to write specs for ink. Love, Eng.
[00:12 aphrael] Dear Eng, Project Management provided this spec for ink three years ago. Why haven't you implemented it yet? Love, Integration.
[00:14 REC] Dear Integration, PM inserted said spec in an Excel sheet which was copied over as a WMF file into Word. This Metafile was dropped into a PowerPoint presentation. Our department uses HP-UX. Please to be sending text files. Love, Eng.
[00:15 aphrael] eng: aah! i see the problem. you deviated from the spec in this fashion, while the other engineering department deviated in this other fashion, and the two outcomes don't work together. please resolve.
[00:16 REC] Dear Integration, Please note that each Engineering department works independently. If integration between the two is necessary, I think we know which department needs to pick up some slack.
Love, Eng (Division 1A)
[00:17 aphrael] see, this is the joy of integration. all responsibility with no authority!
I was never much of a Dilbert fan and now I live that fucking cartoon. Somebody kill me please.
< on the end of the week | "Iikagen-ni-shiro!" >
A Day in the Life | 12 comments (12 topical, 0 hidden)
Dear Support: our product is a printer. by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #1 Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 04:55:56 AM EST
Someone owes me a quarter for the coffee I just spat upon the desk. Thank FSM it missed the monitor.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

yup by joh3n (4.00 / 1) #2 Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 05:19:41 AM EST
that line got me too.  Where the fuck are my napkins.

I just ate about 7 pounds of meat

[ Parent ]
Blame aph by ReallyEvilCanine (4.00 / 3) #3 Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 05:28:39 AM EST
I choked on a mouthful of vodka hat I'd swigged at just as he wrote that.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
mouthful of vodka hat by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #8 Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 07:04:47 AM EST
Trying to visualize a "vodka hat" here. plspstpixkthx.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
/me taps you on the shoulder by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #9 Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 07:47:14 AM EST
HIREZPRF. That site's fucked again in IE6 and I can't figure out why.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
Dear QA by Greener (2.00 / 0) #10 Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 11:55:48 AM EST
Please to be writing accurate reports of EXACTLY what the problem is. Please to be providing screenshots of the affected pages as well as browser versions and platforms and the expected behavour. Love, Eng.

[ Parent ]
REC, My love, we are so getting pissed sometime. by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #4 Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 05:37:37 AM EST
I'm currently working on out final round of testing code in our production test environment which is supposed to look exactly like production, but with a smaller volume of data so test queries finish in hours instead of days. We're forcing Production Support to fix the environment -- which they are supposed to be keeping in step to be exactly like production -- one piece at a time. Someday, we might get to do some actual testing. Maybe even before we get deployed. My favorite environmental problem? The coded lookup values for days, weeks, and months were not loaded for 2008. Now I have to ask: What month is it already? Of what year?

I don't think you can keep up by sasquatchan (4.00 / 1) #5 Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 06:24:20 AM EST
with REC's liver.

[ Parent ]
i could tell you... by gzt (4.00 / 1) #6 Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 06:36:33 AM EST
...but i can't seem to look it up. my best guess is november of 1987.

[ Parent ]
If only I knew then what I know now. by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #7 Fri Mar 21, 2008 at 06:46:36 AM EST

[ Parent ]
hah! by aphrael (4.00 / 1) #11 Sat Mar 22, 2008 at 08:38:18 AM EST
i remember that conversation.

i was pissed. the conversation cheered me up considerably. :)

mostly i like my job, but some days ...
If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.

Cheered me the fuck up too. by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #12 Sat Mar 22, 2008 at 03:35:58 PM EST
I told you I wanted to use it as a brog entry and got your agreement to do so. It was just a matter of timing. I'm only slightly annoyed that you got the funniest line in.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
A Day in the Life | 12 comments (12 topical, 0 hidden)