Print Story A Day in the Life
By ReallyEvilCanine (Wed Nov 26, 2008 at 03:40:45 AM EST) A Day in the Life, WTF, heart, cow-orkers, fuckwits, pie (all tags)
Cow-Orkers XVIII: Shrek

There are few actually cool people working for us. Back in the days of $BigCorp I constantly thought, "What a group of social fuck-ups," but then I realised I was also one of the group and was most likely similarly odd. Despite certain historically cool factor things about me, I was one of the dysfunctional. I hung out with a few other miscreants until they, one by one, left. Only a couple of tolerable people remained.

Then $MegaCorp bought us and I found out how truly fucked up software programmers, engineers and support people could be. Ripa seemed tame by comparison. No wonder I'd spent so many years avoiding corporate life. Small wonder I'm trying to figure out how the hell to get out of it again.

Poll: Cherry Poppin' Daddies
x-posted to da brog.

I shouldn't call this cow-orker "Shrek" really. With a "c" before the "k" the name becomes the German word for "scary". He's also not green although he certainly isn't anorexic. But Shrek he'll be for the purposes of my stories. Shrek is one of those guys you just have to like. He can do no wrong. He's fun to be around.

He can talk about the details of some stripper's tits in mixed company and no one bats an eyelash. Not even the woman who took great offense a minute later when, as she made some reference to her own tits being unable to produce creamer for the coffee, I responded with, "That's easy enough to fix." I didn't mean me, honey.

Shrek's wife lets him run off with the boys on Saturday night to various Czech strip clubs while she stays home with their young daughters. Wifey gets to go out, too, and Shrek'll stay home with the girls. It's a bit of a lopsided deal. I ran into her on one such outing at a local live music bar with a drop-dead gorgeous friend in tow. This friend really liked Americans but, of course, was already married to one.

He goes to strip clubs, she goes to a local watering hole with passable live music. He ogles tits, she sucks down piña coladas. He gets lap dances, she tries to scream above the music to her hot friend. It's a nice job if you can get it.

And goddamn Shrek is good at what he does which is what got him his department transfer. It's political however, and he's still with us physically despite being one of many who are tired of Joey's yelling on the phone (Shrek plays along in Bingo). He's almost always in a good mood and is always willing to help us out on problems, reading through 100MB dumps, pinpointing the problem inside an hour, and saving us days of testing and ping-pong.

He's got a loving wife, two great daughters, freedom to run around with the boys, a nice house, talent out the wazoo, a sense of humour that doesn't scare people, and a way about him that you just can't get enough of. And I wouldn't trade places with him for the world. There's something else Shrek has: heart trouble. Serious heart trouble. Drunk off her ass at that live music bar, his wife confided in me her fears that she could soon be a widow. He's OK now having put everyone through a scare a couple of months ago, but I fear we'll lose him way too early. And I'll be left with Ripa and Tony. And fuckwit customers.

< Economics, finance, crunch, etc. | One of my coworkers >
A Day in the Life | 4 comments (4 topical, 0 hidden)
c before h by TurboThy (2.00 / 0) #1 Wed Nov 26, 2008 at 05:52:19 AM EST
Not k.

Sommerhus til salg, første række til Kattegat.
you sure? by cam (2.00 / 0) #3 Wed Nov 26, 2008 at 03:37:09 PM EST
that sounds like a brand of razor.


Freedom, liberty, equity and an Australian Republic
[ Parent ]
Duh by TurboThy (4.00 / 1) #4 Wed Nov 26, 2008 at 11:29:19 PM EST
Actually, there's c before both h and k :)

Sommerhus til salg, første række til Kattegat.
[ Parent ]
Heh by Dr Thrustgood (2.00 / 0) #2 Wed Nov 26, 2008 at 10:21:45 AM EST
Srsly: can you not tell the womanly difference between his conversation and yours?

A Day in the Life | 4 comments (4 topical, 0 hidden)