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By ReallyEvilCanine (Fri Sep 28, 2007 at 04:45:33 AM EST) A Day in the Life, arrogance, ignorance, fuckwit, pie (all tags)

I want to rant. I won't because if I start to actually think about this current hell I call my job my head will explode just like in Scanners. I've got a massive load of tickets right now and every single one of them was submitted by the kind of person Compaq had to write FAQ 2859 for. These are people so fucking clueless my techno-tard girlfriend can actually say, "Wow! Even I know how to do that." I know this because when I told her about Mook-man's latest fucknuttery, that is exactly the phrase she spoke.

Poll: arrogance vs. ignorance
x-posted to da brog, sans poll.

When I tell you four times that there are no trees with deep azure coloured leaves, asking me about this magical tree a fifth time isn't going to get you a different fucking answer. The tree is dead. The blue you see is the sky. Note how very un-leaf-like the sky, in fact, looks. One could say that, if there was a Great Designer, it was probably his intention from the very beginning to ensure that the sky would never look like anything remotely resembling a leaf.

As a result of my refusal to entertain stupidity and give incorrect answers, I'm labeled "arrogant". I can only think of one of my most favouritist bash quotes when I hear this. It's not "arrogance" when I give you a correct answer and refuse to consider your outlandish theories on what might be possible on Planet 10 in the 8th dimension if crickets had long tails. If you ask me a question, do not argue with me when I give you the answer. By asking me you have demonstrated that 1) you do not know the information and 2) you expect that I do. Even if you feel you may have been incorrect in your assumption in number 2, do not forget number 1! You do not know.

I notice it's almost always the ignorant who scream about another's arrogance, whether it be here in third-line software support, first-line help desk, cooking college or fucking arguments over religion on Teh Intarwebs. Being right is not being arrogant. Lording my correctness over you might be arrogance but the simple fact that I am correct is not. Repeatedly telling you that I am right when you question this is also not "arrogance". It is "responding to your question." Unless I rant at you the way I'm doing here which I don't do for the simple reason that, as it says in the disclaimer at the bottom of my blog, I have no desire to make the sky my ceiling nor a bus shelter my walls.

Case in point: Mook-Man's latest:

Mook: We can't install $ReportingStuff! "I am wondering if you may have suggestions to overcome this issue."
REC: Send logs.
Mook: Why send logs? You need to make it install! There are no logs since it didn't install.
REC: Please send me "install.txt" from the $ReportingStuff directory which is created when the installer starts before you even see the first screen. Send me our logs, too.
Mook: There are no logs on my machine. Make $ReportingStuff install!
Mook: 15 minutes later Hello? Are you there? I need an answer!
REC: The logs won't be on your machine. They'll be on the server.
Mook: I don't see install.txt.
REC: Send me our logs and all the Event Viewer stuff.
REC: Please send me the logs I asked for.
Mook: Here are the logs. We want a conference!!
I'd rather pose for the next goatse picture.
A look through the info reveals MSTSC and DameWare. I think I know what's going on here...
REC: Mook-man, did you try and install this over Terminal Server? That's a big no-no.
Mook: No. We use Remote Desktop Connection. CONFERENCE!
REC: Remote Desktop Connection is Terminal Services. Won't work.
Mook: But we always used it before.
REC: It was never supported. It isn't supported now. The fact that you did it anyway explains the problems which have led to you opening more than a dozen other tickets. You must install locally.
Mook: "We have done the install this way in the past, but now we are unable to do so. Maybe you would get a better idea if we do a web conference, please let us know what time works for you."
I see someone went to some sort of Dale Carnegie training sessions.
REC: No conference. It won't work. Read document FOO, Chapter BAR, Page BAZ. It's repeated in Document BAR, Chapter BAZ, Page QUUX.
Mook: We find this answer unacceptable. We have installed with Remote Desktop Connection, not Terminal Server and it always worked before.
REC: No, it didn't work before, as evidenced by tickets (list of ticket numbers). It isn't supported as documented. It doesn't work at all now which you have already demonstrated.
Mook: But there must be a solution. Please set up a conference so that we can demonstrate.
I'd rather blow Tony Blair.
REC: The only solution is to install $ReportingStuff locally. That's it.
Mook: There must be another work-around. "Please let us know when you can set up the conference for us to show you."
REC: No. No conference. No support. No kidding. Ticket closed. Root Cause: 06-Customer (unsupported execution).

And in came the complaint to management the same day. I was not helpful. I didn't listen to his problem. I didn't provide a workable solution. I didn't provide a work-around. I am "arrogant". Luckily Vera has finally seen the light and understands that Mook-Man has enough sand in his vagina to double the Florida coastline. His complaints are as meaningless as the weight of a whisper and the colour of time.

I'm currently dealing with 43 other fuckwits just as dim as he.

< Canadian Medicine | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
A Day in the Life | 6 comments (6 topical, 0 hidden)
FAQ 2859 by clover kicker (2.00 / 0) #1 Fri Sep 28, 2007 at 07:52:14 AM EST
Lookie, the Compaq support site still exists!

Fucking classic.

Dare I ask what percentage of your tickets are caused by Citrix?

Percentage by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #3 Fri Sep 28, 2007 at 10:35:54 AM EST
Not enough. The more Shitrix tickets that come in, the less other crap I have to take. Now it's just a matter of waiting until I finally get the week-long training which I should've had a few weeks ago.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
unsupported execution by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #2 Fri Sep 28, 2007 at 07:53:59 AM EST
I you need a supported execution talk to me, Blixco or, if you can find him, Armaphine.  We have all sorts of supported execution methods.  Some messy, some not.  Some may even involve goats, or the bee guy at K5.

Goddam, there actually is a FAQ 2859.  Classic.

So this penguin (Tux, perhaps) is driving cross country during a hot summer, when his car breaks down. Fortunately, he rolls to a stop right next to a gas station. The attendant says he'll check it out, and suggests that the penguin waddle across the street to a convenience store, where it's cool.

So he does. Inside he gets a bowl of vanilla ice cream, eating it rather clumsily, seeing as how he doesn't have hands. When he is done, he waddles over to the service station. The mechanic looks up from his car and says, "It looks like you've blown a seal."

The penguin says, "Nah, it's just vanilla ice cream."

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

The FAQ by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #4 Fri Sep 28, 2007 at 10:39:16 AM EST
It was gone for a while but I'm guessing popular demand (and a better sense of humour at HP) got it put back up. Among a group of us in NYC, "Twenty-eight fifty-nine" was our code for what most HuSians now understand to be a "Seventeen". We could say it right in front of the fuckwits and they'd never know.

Penguin, eskimo, the joke's always good.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
I love you by debacle (2.00 / 0) #5 Fri Sep 28, 2007 at 11:31:21 AM EST
<------------------this much---------------->


WIPO by Herring (4.00 / 1) #6 Fri Sep 28, 2007 at 01:48:07 PM EST
Arrogance + ignorance is surely the worst. See most managers, most politicians and most religious leaders for examples.

You can't inspire people with facts
- Small Gods

A Day in the Life | 6 comments (6 topical, 0 hidden)