The truth is that I am emotional and soft. Those that know me well know that I possess a core of emotion that often times I have trouble containing. Yet, they say nothing as it would ruin my exquisite performance.
I received an email today from my mother, an unusual event in itself. It was in regard to her little white Shih Tzu, named MiMi. The contents are as follows:
“Gedvondur & Weetabix,
MiMi has been ill for several days. It was not curable. I lost my little shadow today.
Upon reading this I proved my manliness by bursting into tears.
MiMi was over 10 years old and had a pretty trouble free life. MiMi was devoted to my mother and followed her everywhere she went. I think that’s what I am having trouble dealing with.
While I will miss MiMi, I wasn’t particularly close to her. She was a good little dog, but really only had time and affection for my Mother. What is tearing at me is the phrase “I lost my little shadow today.” The sadness I felt from that phrase undid me. Events such as these are part of life, but the pain it caused my mother and the ache contained in those six words left me unmanned.
Pets come and go, but the joys they bring are worth the pain of their passing. I wrote my mother back and called her several hours later. She’s still shaky and cried on the phone. I was strong for her, it is the least I could do. I cried again when I hung up. I know my mother will be alright, she’s an incredibly strong woman. Yet I would do anything to end her sadness. I know there is nothing, yet that is no solace in that.
I have no doubt my mother will get another dog, perhaps even two. Things will be alright again. And in this……..this ability to admit my own weakness, that’s okay too. To not acknowledge my own feeling would be worse than just letting them out. I think it would kill me inside if I didn’t let it out. Even John Wayne cried.
Some may scoff that I am too soft or a wimp for admitting my own feelings. Even a part of me accuses me of being a wimp.
I care too much to keep it inside, and it wouldn’t be healthy anyway. I know who I am. I’m the guy that gets maudlin when a little white dog dies. You know what? I’m okay with that.
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