saturday was all manual labor.  i tore out the sod in the front yard while stacky fixed something that crapped out at work.  it left my back aching and me a little out of sorts.  then she went a little nuts cutting up some trees in the back yard while i wasn't looking and we wound up with the mother of all brush piles and no place to dump it.  so we loaded it in the truck and let it sit in the driveway over night.

sunday we decided to go dump the refuse in a neighborhood "dumping area."  sadly, there was a dude getting a blowjob in his suv back there, so we were polite and backed away slowly.  after all, it was sunday morning so i would hate to disturb someone's worship.  we found a suitable dump site and returned the sod cutter.  while at lowe's we bought a 5 cu. foot freezer to house our 1/4 cow that we'll be getting soonish and stacky picked out a new kitchen faucet.  upon arriving home she announced that she was going to install said faucet.  so i put my broke-back ass under the sink and got it installed.  it's nice.  much higher than the last one.  tack on to that a failed attempt at shopping for a swimsuit for my ever growing beloved and you have a relaxing weekend indeed!

or not.

anyway, sunday night i did up my mfc entry and then collapsed.  it was a long couple of days.

manual labor gives me too much time to think.  i thought about the impending arrival of our child.  my mind ran over some off-handed comments and compliments i've gotten of late.  all of them could be summarized by saying: "wow, clock isn't a lazy, worthless asshole ("...like the last one..." always appended in parentheses)!"  i take the sentiment as being well-meant, but...

then there's the whole "older fathers are just so much more involved in their children!"  what the fuck does that mean?  first off, i'm not "old."  charlie chaplin had a kid in his seventies.  i'm only 34.  and why are "younger" fathers given a pass?  what excuse is there for not being involved?  short of having jobs as a coal miner, railroad brakeman and farmer that involved working 18 hours a day, seven days a week like my grandfather did, there's no excuse.  so fuck off with that.  (aside to stacky: i'm not aiming this at anyone...and i'm not upset by it directly...i'm just annoyed in general.)

can you tell i've been reading the pregnancy books again?  i kinda stalled out with them because they are so fucking insulting to men who are excited about having a child.  i'm a first time dad to be.  i already feel like i'm running behind because i'm about 8 years off where i wanted to be.  so let's not emphasize that, kay?  and i actually want to be involved but everything out there seems to be written for people who want to give a book to a man who is being drug kicking and screaming into fatherhood.  fuck that noise.  the little asides that read like "oh look!  daddy can be involved too!" are just as insulting.  so reading these books before bed (my traditional reading time) doesn't make for restful sleep.  i'll keep at it.  i remember talking with my mom about how women are taught to read as men.  maybe this is an education for me?  i'll spin this into something positive yet!

i've also decided (as someone who isn't living it directly) that pregnancy sucks.  it looks like a miserable experience that i wouldn't wish on anyone.  i'm pretty ready to be done with the pregnant part and get on with the sleepless nights, feedings, puking, diapers, etc.  at least there'll be stuffed animals and rubber duckies around.