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It Ain't Where Ya From, It's Where Ya At

By MohammedNiyalSayeed (Sun Mar 18, 2007 at 07:58:41 PM EST) (all tags)

Actually, it isn't that, either; it's whether or not you're mns. Good news: I'm mns! Oh, wait, I dropped the pithy abstract summary of my anecdote before dropping the actual anecdote. Crap, I feel so embarrassed. Here, let's order a pizza, my treat. That's right, baby, sit back, kick your feet up while I order a pizza, oh what's that? You want black olives on the pizza? Oh, no, they don't have those, baby. Or I'm allergic to them. Tell you what, since I'm buying the pizza, why don't you shut the fuck up and eat what I buy, or get your own, OK? Awesome. All Meat Marvel, it is.

What I'm trying to say is I'm moving to downtown San Jose. It's the new hotness. Everybody knows it. SOUTH BAY REPRESENT. Plus, I'll get this ultra-modern glass-and-steel sculpture of an apartment, at have the cost I'm paying now, and an obsessive-compulsive neat freak of an Eastern European coworker-girl/weekly drinks organizer as a roommate. What's not to like? And no, we're not going to be an item. Not each other's style. Not that way, anyway. The OCD thing, though; peas in a pod. That should work out well for keeping the place tip-top.

Last night, I went to a party at a warehouse in SOMA of some exclusivity. Other than the people I knew already, I talked to no one. I drank three beers, then I caught a cab back to E's place and popped a couple of sleeping pills before hitting the hay. Truly, my debauchery knows no bounds.

A friend from Donut Wheel is in the hospital as the result of a pretty nasty motorcycle accident on Highway 9 last weekend. As of Saturday, though, he's out of ICU and into a normal room, and best of all, he actually gets to probably remain bipedal. That's a serious improvement from the first few days. It's pretty weird to see inside someone's leg when they leave it open to drain. I think I'd be fucking paranoid about an open wound in a building full of the sick and diseased, but hey, I'm no doctor.

This just in: 9:54pm is "run the vacuum time" upstairs from this apartment. I hope it's done by 9:59.

They are! Ciao, bella, Callyshow is on.

< rabbit roommate | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >

It Ain't Where Ya From, It's Where Ya At | 24 comments (24 topical, 0 hidden)

does she have another bedroom? by MillMan

(4.00 / 2) #1 Sun Mar 18, 2007 at 09:07:49 PM EST

Oh, you said San Jose. Nevermind.

When I'm imprisoned as an enemy combatant, will you blog about it?

Separate rooms, opposite sides of the apartment by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #2 Sun Mar 18, 2007 at 09:22:12 PM EST

The Hos are all a couple of blocks away, though, which, you'll have to admit, is convenient.

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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.

[ Parent ]

Lemme warn you 'bout them Eastern Eurowimminz... by ammoniacal (4.00 / 4) #3 Sun Mar 18, 2007 at 10:04:37 PM EST

Their genitalia are inverted. You'll have to use a mirror to make sense of it all.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]

I have a hand-held bomb-checking mirror by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #11 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 05:46:01 AM EST

But, again, she ain't my style, so maybe I'll just rent it to the dudes she dates.

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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.

[ Parent ]

: Sir, I applaud your capitalistic tendencies. by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #18 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 07:34:39 AM EST

Rock on with your bad self.
"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger
[ Parent ]

yeah, and you know those azn by sasquatchan (4.00 / 2) #16 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 06:32:54 AM EST

ladies, their's is sideways.. or so I've heard

[ Parent ]

: I've never bedded an Oriental girl by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #17 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 07:33:18 AM EST

so, having never experienced AZN POWAH, I cannot confirm your theory.
"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger
[ Parent ]

Did your friend have the bootlaces? by creo (4.00 / 1) #4 Sun Mar 18, 2007 at 10:04:51 PM EST

When the bones of my forearm popped out to see what the world looked like, the wound on the inside arm where they went in to repair and plate them was so swollen that they could not close the wound.

As a result I had a parallel row of staples (think eyelets of a boot), that run on either side of the wound. Attached to these was a canvas strip tha looked exactly like a bootlace, and served the same purpose. Every few hours they would unlace it, and then clean out the wound.

BTW - The inside of your arm looks just like chicken. Mmmm, human, the other white meat.

"I shall do what I believe to be right and honourable" - Guderian

mmmm, long pig by yankeehack (4.00 / 1) #5 Sun Mar 18, 2007 at 11:25:54 PM EST

well, that's what the cannibals of the south pacific seas call human meat...
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

[ Parent ]

Do you have any idea how hard it is by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #14 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 05:48:30 AM EST

not to make the obvious joke here? SUPER-HARD! That's how hard!

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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.

[ Parent ]

Ya RLY HARD by yankeehack (4.00 / 1) #20 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 02:22:29 PM EST

jesus, you tell a man you're not eating meat anymore and look at what he's reduced to...

:-P I am meatless, sans meat, giving up, choking the celery now.
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

[ Parent ]

: MONK LIFE, LIL' MAMA by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #22 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 04:04:43 PM EST

MONK LIFE!

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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

He had an erector-set-looking thing by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #23 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 05:10:25 PM EST

Like the kind dentists use to hold a dental dam open around a tooth. But without the dental dam. The bootlaces sound pretty nifty though, except for the non-stop cleaning and relacing aspect.

The inside of your leg looks pretty much the same, though with much larger cuts of meat.

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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.

[ Parent ]

I see, San Jose by yankeehack (4.00 / 2) #6 Sun Mar 18, 2007 at 11:26:50 PM EST

make sure to get a top floor, so you can keep an eye on insurgents.
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

: That's on the list by MohammedNiyalSayeed (2.00 / 0) #13 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 05:47:42 AM EST

A boy needs to snipe, after all. It's what makes a boy a boy!

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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

I'll wave to y'alluns from shore as by greyrat (4.00 / 1) #7 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 03:01:31 AM EST

that part of Calli-born-I-a falls into teh ocean. BTW, can you and your new roomie stop by my place of a week and clean it? No smoking withing one hundred feet of the building though. Smokes : Me :: Black olives : you.

While in san Jose by joh3n (4.00 / 2) #8 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 04:33:43 AM EST

HOO-RAH

I suggest dining in 'little portugal' which is rife with vietnamese dentists.

it just makes sense.

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I am a crime against humanity
-theantix

: HOO-RAH by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #12 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 05:46:53 AM EST

Noted. And man, do I love Vietnamese dentists, particularly when they're just a scoche undercooked.

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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.
[ Parent ]

MEAT IS MURDER!!!!!!!!1111 by ucblockhead (4.00 / 2) #9 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 05:19:27 AM EST

I plan on making a pizza tonight. It shall be topped with leftovers from the vegetables we roasted on the grill last night. But no meat. Because MEAT IS MURDER!!!!!!1111

And olives. Lots of olives. Because the FoML would kill me if there were no olives.

It's sad how we have fallen in modern times. It used to be, to share an apartment with a woman, you'd have to pretend to be gay, and hijinx would ensue.
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman

If FoYL were here, by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #10 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 05:45:04 AM EST

I would have ordered "half olives" for him. Who can resist little dudes' desires for stuff on pizzas? NOT ME!

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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.

[ Parent ]

: You are a giant among men, sir! by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #15 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 06:30:56 AM EST

(nt)
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[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]

Do you know the way to etc etc by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #19 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 07:38:26 AM EST

sorry

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It's political correctness gone mad!

No apologies necessary by MohammedNiyalSayeed (4.00 / 1) #21 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 04:03:42 PM EST

I do, indeed, know the way to San Jose: it's I-280!

It's kind of weird, really, how seldom that song is referenced in this area. My only clue as to why that is would be that the demographics of this area are dominated by young transient people, who wouldn't remember the song from earlier days. The flaw in this theory, of course, is that the song pre-dates me, and I still manage to know it. And I even knew it before the FGTH cover of it, though, truth be told, I prefer that version to the Dionne Warwick interpretation. Still, it's a fucking Bacharach/David song, how does anyone with a pulse who's been near popular culture once or twice in the last 30 years not know it? WTF?

Also, I totally digress.

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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.

[ Parent ]

: It's the FGTH version I know by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #24 Tue Mar 20, 2007 at 03:56:10 AM EST

Sat as a kid in my bedroom dreaming about sunny California, staring at the record sleeve and its (somewhat confusing to my young mind) bonkers depiction of a forest animal orgy.
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It's political correctness gone mad!
[ Parent ]

It Ain't Where Ya From, It's Where Ya At | 24 comments (24 topical, 0 hidden)

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