Print Story A Day in the Life
Working life
By ReallyEvilCanine (Mon Jul 17, 2006 at 04:08:34 AM EST) A Day in the Life, stop calling me, pie (all tags)
Can't see nuthin'

IBM Model P96 19" monitor which has served me well over the past six years: R.I.P.

IT department who I warned last week and still haven't brought up my replacement from storage: hurry up you fuckers!

People who don't read ticket updates I write and instead keep trying to get me to take their stupid calls: Leave me alone to fix real problems you fuckwits.

x-posted to blogspot

Satish keeps calling. I answered his stupid questions about Microsoft updates two weeks ago. Yes, you can install the updates, here's what to do to make sure your system works.

"Are you sure they're OK?"
"We're not sure you've confirmed this sufficiently. We plan to install the MS06-013 Cumulative Security Update (a.k.a. 912812) and MS06-021 cumulative security update (916281). Are these completely supported?
"Yes," you thick-as-a-10-storey-high-slab-of-concrete fucking chimpanzee.

Then he called in to "discuss" the answer. I took the call while waiting for an installation in the background and quickly wished I hadn't. Satish speaks excellent English but doesn't understand a fucking word of it.


We interrupt this whinge-fest to bring you the latest update: A CRT has been delivered. I now have a ViewSonic E95 sitting on the Desk of Hate. It's only 18", can only go as high as 1600x1200 and the screen is noticeably bubble-round in stark contrast to my almost flat IBM monitor. Not only is this much harder to read, it reflects a load of sunlight from the window so that I have to turn it away from me 20° to the right. Bollox!

I've also been told that I may not bring my own monitor to work. Fuckers.


I went over the whole business with the patches and compatibility patches with Satish again. I made him repeat it back to me like a kindergarten-aged child to make sure he understood.

Came a mail Friday, once again asking for confirmation. The fuckwit decided he now needs me to discuss and confirm every single component of each of the roll-ups. MS06-022, MS06-023, MS06-024, MS06-025, and so on. Answered in tabular form.

He's called three times already today wanting to talk to me again. Fuckwit.

Why am I so loathe to talk to him again? Because the last conversation went more or less like this, the italicised side of it having a rather noticeable mid-subcontinental accent:
Fuckwit: OK, so now I would like to be asking you about support for MS MS06-021
REC: It's supported. Period. Full stop.
Fuckwit: OK, you are telling me that it is supported but I have not told you why we are planning to install it.
REC: It doesn't matter why you're installing it. We don't care. It's supported, end of story. There's nothing more to discuss.
Fuckwit: Excuse me please but I need to discuss this. It is a Cumulative Security Update for Internet Explorer and as such appears only to be all versions of Internet Explorer that $YourBigApp runs upon.
REC: It's for all IE and it's supported.
Fuckwit: Are you sure that it is supported in conjunction with working with $YourBigApp when many of the fixes remove remote code execution ability. We are worried that this could prevent the execution of $YourBigApp
REC: Satish, it does not affect the functionality of $OurBigApp.
Fuckwit: And you are sure of this? Is that $MegaCorp's official position?
REC: Yes, and yes.
Fuckwit: Are you certain? If you look in the list you see mshtml.dll and wininet.dll are affected. Are you positive that this will not have an impact on $YourBigApp considering that $YourBigApp is affected by these DLLs which I have found through the use of system tools.

And so on. With his method of questioning I'd expect him to have a German accent just like my cow-orker Berti.

He's been answered. His ticket's been closed. He's a 17 but I can only give him a 6.5: Doesn't understand, and I can't even boldface it.

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A Day in the Life | 17 comments (17 topical, 0 hidden)
Misunderstanding of "supported"? by squigs (4.00 / 2) #1 Mon Jul 17, 2006 at 04:25:48 AM EST
Maybe he's asking if it's been tested fully with all the updates.  Except he's using the wrong word.  Try getting him to rrephrase the question without using the word supported to find out what he actually wants from you.

Been there, done that. by ReallyEvilCanine (4.00 / 1) #3 Mon Jul 17, 2006 at 04:43:43 AM EST
"It will work."
"Yes, we've tested it."
"Nothing is affected by $patch."
"You only need to install $fix."
"Yes, we support it."
"No, it's not a problem."
"No, it doesn't affect $OurBigApp in any way."
"We don't care what else is running."
"It's running in that configuration on one of my test servers which I'm accessing as we speak."

Can you think of any other answers which might get the point across?

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
Nah, that's got to be a 17 by Cloaked User (2.00 / 0) #2 Mon Jul 17, 2006 at 04:27:41 AM EST
I can accept a "doesn't understand" if it's a subtle technological point, or just something entirely foreign to the person, but not understanding "yes" when repeated a dozen times goes a little deeper than that...

This is not a psychotic episode. It is a cleansing moment of clarity.
ticket updates by Merekat (2.00 / 0) #4 Mon Jul 17, 2006 at 04:55:25 AM EST
I've been that person on the phone, trying to get through to the guy who sent out an update to a ticket that clearly demonstrated he'd completely misunderstood the problem but who can't be arsed to stay on the phone long enough to take a clear description of the problem, which makes it my problem as there'd be a huge real problem if he didn't.

(Comment Deleted) by yicky yacky (4.00 / 1) #5 Mon Jul 17, 2006 at 05:21:29 AM EST

This comment has been deleted by yicky yacky

Needs something else by jump the ladder (4.00 / 1) #6 Mon Jul 17, 2006 at 05:36:40 AM EST
To whine about :)

[ Parent ]
Status by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #7 Mon Jul 17, 2006 at 05:47:29 AM EST
Give the guy a break; he has to reading the same script as all the other call centre drones, so he need some way to pretend that he's not just a number.

Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]
(Comment Deleted) by yicky yacky (4.00 / 1) #9 Mon Jul 17, 2006 at 05:53:44 AM EST

This comment has been deleted by yicky yacky

[ Parent ]
Bloody Nora! by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #10 Mon Jul 17, 2006 at 06:04:52 AM EST
I hope that's your home monitor.

Mind you, there was a time last year when I was expected to do work on a G3 iMac.

[ Parent ]
(Comment Deleted) by yicky yacky (2.00 / 0) #11 Mon Jul 17, 2006 at 06:19:43 AM EST

This comment has been deleted by yicky yacky

[ Parent ]
I'm partial to a lot of workspace. by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #12 Mon Jul 17, 2006 at 06:24:20 AM EST
I like to think it makes my concentration last longer. It's the looking things up and whatnot that it helps me with. I'm an LCD fan, too. I've had too many blurry CRTs in my life.

And come to think of it, the £24.99 one (the one I had had lost its focus) you linked is the one I was given (to go with a dual processor Xeon) at my last job at a software company. When I mentioned it, my boss said "I wondered how you managed with that", and pulled another one out of a closet somewhere. Generous.

[ Parent ]
nyeh by Merekat (2.00 / 0) #13 Mon Jul 17, 2006 at 06:27:02 AM EST
As long as you can crank the refresh rate up so there's no visible flicker, there's no OH&S reason not to use 'em.

[ Parent ]
Bzzt. by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #14 Mon Jul 17, 2006 at 06:38:33 AM EST
You seem to have mistaken me for a coder. I'm not looking at a few text windows. I'm looking at lots of windows and browsers and applications, all of which are browser-based. I need four or five things open on one monitor alone to do some simple tests. The base testing environments themselves are run through another machine which uses the LCD monitor and that's fine. I can open a virtual session from my good machine/monitor when I need to test the graphics within $OurBigApp.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
(Comment Deleted) by yicky yacky (2.00 / 0) #15 Mon Jul 17, 2006 at 06:40:20 AM EST

This comment has been deleted by yicky yacky

[ Parent ]
Have you tried pragmatism? by Rogerborg (4.00 / 3) #8 Mon Jul 17, 2006 at 05:50:52 AM EST
Tell Satish that the more times that he calls you, the less believable his painfully obviously telegraphed plan to blame you for his inevitable pooching of the update is going to be.  At some point he's going to have to stop talking to you just so that he can plausibly claim that there's something that you forgot to tell him.

Speaking of pragmatism, aren't CRTs vulnerable to high temperatures?  I'm sure I read that somewhere.  Maybe Wikipedia.  I mean, is anything likely to... go wrong... with your new monitor soon?

Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.

Monitor solution by anonimouse (2.00 / 0) #16 Tue Jul 18, 2006 at 01:00:15 AM EST
Adopt the policy of your neighbour, complain about the RF noise from your new crappy monitor and put in a requisition for one of the models I recommended (or summit else)

Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
Like I wrote in other comments: by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #17 Tue Jul 18, 2006 at 09:43:04 AM EST
Even if I got a super-cool LCD monitor, the interpolation at certain resolutions sucks ass and makes it difficult to do some of the work that I'm actually charged with. The picture on my home CRT (Multisync EF950) is crisp at 640x480, 800x600, 1024x768, 1280x1024, and 1600x1200.

I'd really like a higher-end monitor due to the photography shit but this is sufficient for home and work. I can afford it but it's not high enough on my list of priorities to warrant taking the time to search and compare. I'd love a 21" viewable monitor that can do 2048 x 1536 (and they cost less than $500) but 16x12 is enough to do my work as well as play.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
A Day in the Life | 17 comments (17 topical, 0 hidden)