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By theboz (Fri Jun 16, 2006 at 08:30:54 PM EST) (all tags)
Yesterday, my wife and I went to our regularly scheduled ob/gyn appointment for the pregnancy, and found out that the baby was dead.


Basically, we went in for our checkup with the doctor, expecting everything to be fine and we were upbeat and positive.  The nurse examined my wife and put the thing on her stomach to hear the heartbeat.  We heard nothing.  She said that it wasn't that unusual, but already the doubts started to creep in.  We were sent to get an ultrasound, and the doctor did that and I got more apprehensive when I noticed him taking snapshots of blank area without the baby.  When he did find the baby, it was not big like we expected, and there was no movement where we saw a heartbeat before.  It was difficult for him to focus on the baby, so my wife tried to make a joke saying something like, "he must be hiding", which nobody laughed at.  It was then that the doctor told us that it was a miscarriage waiting to happen.

That afternoon, we left the doctor's office, after scheduling to have a D&C done today (basically an abortion.)  However, we had to sleep that night, the three of us for the last time, while the baby was not alive anymore.

Fortunately for us, after spreading the word to our families, my wife's sister in Phoenix secretly decided to come be with us.  We knew about it right about the time she was calling my wife while standing outside of the gate of the apartment complex.

Anyway, after a sad night where we couldn't sleep, we went to the doctor's office to get ready to go to the hospital, but unfortunately the doctor's office fucked up and didn't really schedule our 1:00pm surgery with the hospital, so they were going to try to fit us in at 3:00, which became 4:30, which became 5:30 in reality.  So my wife had no food or liquid from right before midnight of last night to nearly 9:00pm tonight.

The surgery went well, we got home, my wife has her prescriptions, and everything should be relatively normal by Monday.

In the future, we plan to try again.  We didn't ask for this pregnancy, but we suffered through it and accepted it, eventually looking forward to having the baby.  It was stolen from us, a life that was far too little to even be a "child" yet, but the potential and the imagined memories have all been destroyed.  I wish there was a person responsible for this, so I could "deal" with them appropriately.  The bad thing is that there is no individual to focus my rage on, it's just one of those things.

That's it.

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It's over | 42 comments (42 topical, 0 hidden)
Sorry. by ni (4.00 / 3) #1 Fri Jun 16, 2006 at 09:03:07 PM EST
Friends of mine are going through this now as well. I can't imagine what you feel like right now.

It would be idiotic if I thought anything I could say could help. I'm very sorry for your loss.

my experience is that people will do amazingly stupid things in conjunction with their crotches -- persimmon

that's terrible news. by aphrael (4.00 / 1) #2 Fri Jun 16, 2006 at 09:11:01 PM EST

If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.
very sorry to hear this... by wndl (4.00 / 2) #3 Fri Jun 16, 2006 at 09:16:14 PM EST
and I know exactly what it feels like to go through this. buggy miscarried at 10.5 weeks (6 mos before becoming pregnant with the DLZ). hugs from olytown.

"...there you have it: an actual anecdote, second hand, from the Internet."--DesiredUsername
"what fun is gettin naked on a webcam if ya have to provide tech support"--dev trash

I'm sorry by hulver (4.00 / 3) #4 Fri Jun 16, 2006 at 09:55:57 PM EST
Not a lot else to say really.
Cheese is not a hat. - clock
:( by codemonkey uk (4.00 / 2) #5 Fri Jun 16, 2006 at 11:49:07 PM EST
i'm at a loss for what to say, thats a terrible thing to happen to anyone, give your wife lots of hugs, you both will need them ... if your wife needs someone to talk to i know ppl who've been though the same, can swap emal addresses for more substansial words of comfort than I can manage...

--- Thad ---
Almost as Smart As you.
So sorry to hear that by TheophileEscargot (4.00 / 2) #6 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 12:08:48 AM EST
Best of luck to you and your wife.
It is unlikely that the good of a snail should reside in its shell: so is it likely that the good of a man should?
really sorry for you both! by TPD (4.00 / 1) #7 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 12:17:12 AM EST

why sit, when you can sit and swivel with The Ab-SwivellerTM
damn by komet (4.00 / 2) #8 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 12:32:51 AM EST
not much more to say

... by Kellnerin (4.00 / 3) #9 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 02:26:36 AM EST
(that's my pausing for a moment of silence)

"later" meant either "when you walk around the corner" or "oatmeal."
peace by joh3n (4.00 / 1) #10 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 02:57:53 AM EST

I am a crime against humanity

Oh my. by ana (4.00 / 2) #11 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 02:58:30 AM EST
So sorry to hear it. I'll light a candle.

Can you introspect out loud? --CRwM

Condolences by johnny (4.00 / 2) #12 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 03:19:42 AM EST
We went down that road twice.  It sucks; there is basically nothing good about it.  But you'll get through it. 

All good wishes from us here.

She has effectively checked out. She's an un-person of her own making. So it falls to me.--ad hoc (in the hole)

boz mate by cam (4.00 / 2) #13 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 03:24:12 AM EST
Sorry to hear it :(

Freedom, liberty, equity and an Australian Republic

Oh my God. I'm so sorry. by greyrat (4.00 / 2) #14 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 04:25:07 AM EST
I don't know what to say. I just so sorry my friend. Of all things, we sing in a wedding today. I'll be thinking of you and your wife. And I'll light three candles for you.

That's a sad thing by lm (4.00 / 2) #15 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 04:46:03 AM EST
I feel for you and your wife. That road is not an easy one to walk down.

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
shitty by alprazolam (4.00 / 2) #16 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 04:51:03 AM EST
sorry to hear that man.

Wow, that sucks, I feel for you all by georgeha (4.00 / 2) #17 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 05:05:43 AM EST
We've been through that, we had the D&C a few hours after the terrible ultrasound, I can't imagine how painful it would have been to spend the night like that.

I'm sorry by jimgon (4.00 / 2) #18 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 05:09:58 AM EST
Many years ago we experienced this.  The pain as a day to day thing fades, but it never goes away.  

Technician - "We can't even get decent physical health care. Mental health is like witchcraft here."
*silence* by toxicfur (4.00 / 2) #19 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 05:53:04 AM EST
Take care of yourselves.
Continue to lean until you feel gravity threatening to discipline you for being stupid. - CRwM
I need to go and give Farmgirl a hug now by Rogerborg (4.00 / 3) #20 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 05:58:09 AM EST
I just have to get this grit or whatever out of my eye first.

Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
... by 256 (4.00 / 2) #21 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 06:15:03 AM EST
I don't think anyone's ever really died from smoking. --ni
That happened to us too a few years ago. by Captain Tenille (4.00 / 2) #22 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 06:41:53 AM EST
Both of us know what you're going through, and offer our condolences. All I can say is that it hurts less after a while.


/* You are not expected to understand this. */

if you need it by LilFlightTest (4.00 / 2) #23 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 07:25:48 AM EST
a coworker went through the same thing, except at 7 months. she's always willing to talk to people who need it. shoot me an email, or say the word and i'll email you.

you both have my love.
Dance On, Gir!

... by motty (4.00 / 2) #24 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 07:35:32 AM EST

I amd itn ecaptiaghle of drinking sthis d dar - Dr T
Condolences. by Canthros (4.00 / 2) #25 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 11:29:01 AM EST

I'm not here, man.

Sorry to hear it. by blixco (4.00 / 2) #26 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 12:08:32 PM EST
Y'all with get through it.  Hug you wife, breathe deep.
Taken out of context I must seem so strange - Ani DiFranco
...><... by Breaker (4.00 / 2) #27 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 02:41:29 PM EST

...[nt] by vorheesleatherface (4.00 / 1) #28 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 09:38:47 PM EST

Empathy, info by Weapon of Pack Destruction (4.00 / 1) #29 Sat Jun 17, 2006 at 11:35:52 PM EST
We lost our first at about 10 weeks.  More accurately, it stopped growing at 5 or 6 weeks.  For us, it just left us numb.  Then, six months later, along comes a wonderful little boy who never would have existed otherwise.

About 20% of pregnancies don't make it through the first three months.  Actually, I've heard estimates much higher than that, considering the number of pregnancies that manifest themselves as just a missed period.

If it's any consolation, your baby wasn't killed by anything.  Its fate was likely sealed when sperm met egg, and something vitally important was missing in the resultant DNA brew.

... by Driusan (4.00 / 1) #30 Sun Jun 18, 2006 at 06:31:29 AM EST
I know there's nothing non-trite for me to say, so I won't.

There are some flags hanging on my wall. I'm going to go do my best to lower them to half mast/wall.

Vive le Montréal libre.

I am so sorry by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #31 Sun Jun 18, 2006 at 07:21:04 AM EST

i bid you peace. by clock (4.00 / 1) #32 Sun Jun 18, 2006 at 07:22:33 AM EST
there's nothing else to say.  take care.  shout if you need anything.  seiously.

I agree with clock entirely --Kellnerin

Sorry boz by Phil the Canuck (4.00 / 1) #33 Sun Jun 18, 2006 at 01:36:35 PM EST
Just sorry. Chin up and all that, and love the next baby enough for two.

Condolences by fencepost (4.00 / 1) #34 Sun Jun 18, 2006 at 09:19:49 PM EST
Sorry to hear about it, hope you're doing OK.

Fuck:( by Merekat (4.00 / 1) #35 Mon Jun 19, 2006 at 12:34:18 AM EST
Dunno what else to say:(

Truly sorry for your loss. by Alice Pulley (4.00 / 1) #36 Mon Jun 19, 2006 at 02:57:15 AM EST
G'luck to you and your wife in such a tough time.


'But they're adults and perfectly capable of working it out themselves. And if not, well, fuck em.' - Nebbish '06.

sorry, guys by sasquatchan (4.00 / 1) #37 Mon Jun 19, 2006 at 04:39:45 AM EST
hope you and the Mrs will both be OK.

Oh. by iGrrrl (4.00 / 1) #38 Mon Jun 19, 2006 at 08:50:26 AM EST
Oh, I am so sorry. 

"Beautiful wine, talking of scattered everythings"
(and thanks to Scrymarch)

I am truly truly sorry... by haplopeart (4.00 / 1) #39 Mon Jun 19, 2006 at 09:54:13 AM EST
...I have been through this three times now myslef...and IT all an all...out and out sucks...

You have my sympathy...

I'm sorry by Gedvondur (4.00 / 1) #40 Mon Jun 19, 2006 at 09:56:36 AM EST
I wish you and your wife well.
"I love my brain. It's the only organ I can afford to lose." --frijolito
Our thoughts are with you and your wife by MacBrave (4.00 / 1) #41 Tue Jun 20, 2006 at 03:56:29 AM EST
10 years ago my wife lost a baby at 17 weeks.  The cord had wrapped around his neck.  Not good times.......

Sorry. by atreides (4.00 / 1) #42 Tue Jun 20, 2006 at 04:13:30 AM EST
What more can one say, I guess... :(

Have you seen The Passion yet? Here's a spoiler for you: Jesus dies.
"...compassion is more than a 16 point word in scrabble." - MostlyHarmless

It's over | 42 comments (42 topical, 0 hidden)