Print Story A Day in the Life
Cow-orkers III: Language School

I'm sitting at my new desk in the Panopticon, perched high atop Munich on the first floor, just another $MegaCorp monkey. And now, apparently, an English teacher. My new neighbour Joe interrupted me and asked, "What is ze difference between mouse and mouse?"


Important poll inside, not available with the Bog Spot version.

The seating plan was completed a few weeks ago and most of us $BigCorp people were seated en bloc throughout $MegaCorp's offices based on teams. Our Admin group has too many people and someone had to be separated. The first monkey who got the spot took it as an affront. Steve then agreed to take the spot but didn't really want it. I saw from the floor plan that this position ought to give me some extra wall and storage space and I volunteered to take it. It would also give me a better chance to integrate and if my neighbours were really bad, I could probably take a desk somewhere else as a floater.

Joe turned out to be almost perfect. He's originally from East Germany and since exGF is from there, I already knew about the mindset. We hit it off well, and our skillsets are such that they complement each other, so we'll both be teaching each other technically.

Joe has a two-year-old learning English. Unfortunately Joe is doing ze teachink. While he doesn't have the horrid, heavy Sächsischhhh accent the East is famous for, neither does he have the English pronunciation down.

Joe lifted his mouse and said, "Zis, ze mouse, yeah?" Riiiight. And then he started pointing to his mouth and said "But zis is a mouse".

I lost it. I was howling with laughter. We'd already been over the "th" sound and I'm pretty sure Joe knows how to spell both words correctly. Joe also insists that at the ends of his feet are "toos" or maybe "twos". I essplained what he was doing wrong and gave him a few pronunciation exercises I've designed to torture Tuetons:

Torturing Germans:

I think that these things can throw the balls through the roof.
A mouse has one mouth and more than two toes.
Father Victor wants very wet, fresh vegetables.

My other two new neighbours joined in on the pronunciation questions and that led to other questions which required me explaining, among other things, what a moose is. I also agreed with them that whoever decided the plural of "mouth" was probably trying to fuck with foreigners.

My neighbours learn quickly and are now certain that the plural of "house" is "hice".

< Oh Lord, won't you buy me | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >
A Day in the Life | 10 comments (10 topical, 0 hidden)
Should have mentioned goose -> geese by lm (2.00 / 0) #1 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 04:32:02 AM EST
What a lovely, wackified language we speak.

Kindness is an act of rebellion.
I have empathy for them by cam (2.00 / 0) #2 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 04:49:30 AM EST
I got confused by flieger and fliegen on saturday night.

Freedom, liberty, equity and an Australian Republic

You shouldn't do that by ad hoc (2.00 / 0) #3 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 04:54:04 AM EST
you can end up in the hoosegow.
Close friendships and a private room can offer most of the things love does.
English lesson for pooches by Vulch (2.00 / 0) #4 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 05:16:21 AM EST

Compliment: "You're looking nice today"

Complement: "You do this bit as you're good at it, and I'll do this bit as I'm good at it."

Dammit! by ReallyEvilCanine (2.00 / 0) #5 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 05:22:35 AM EST
I swear I know the difference and I'd swear that I originally wrote it correctly. Spell-checker? Typo? Bogspot cack? Fuck knows.

Fixed now, thanks.

the internet: amplifier of stupidity -- discordia

[ Parent ]
systematic german torture by BlueOregon (2.00 / 0) #6 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 06:03:32 AM EST

I believe you are looking for this ... sure, reading it is fun, but look for an audio file ... then it becomes hilarious (in a it's-cruel-to-laugh-at-people sort of way).

Shut yer gob. by Rogerborg (4.00 / 2) #7 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 06:47:44 AM EST
There's a moose loose aboot this hoose.

Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
the th->s confusion by aphrael (2.00 / 0) #8 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 10:41:16 AM EST
is one of the sound differences most likely to cause american children to need speech therapy (IIRC it's second only to sh->s).
If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.
something i've NEVER understood by aphrael (2.00 / 0) #9 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 10:42:35 AM EST
about the stereotypical german accent (think dr. strangelove, for a moment) is how the american 'v' sound gets prounced as an english 'w' sound by certain germans.

I mean, WTF? The english 'w' sound doesn't exist in hochdeutesch --- and that letter uses the english 'v' sound.
If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.

Dude, by BadDoggie (2.00 / 0) #10 Tue Jun 13, 2006 at 02:24:58 PM EST
The day I figure this one out will be better than winning the MegaMillions and Powerball lotteries combined. I have no idea how or why they come up with this, but every fucking Kraut does this, bar none.

Fahzzer Wikter vants wery wet, wedge-eh-taubbles.a

Ask ti_ammoniacal if you don't believe me. <p As far as th/s, my brother used to mix up his Effs and Esses and Ess-Aitches. I had so much fun getting him to say "I want to sit down to suck this lollypop." He was no dummy, though; the fucker learned to charge me $0.25 to do it.


OMG WE'RE FUCKED! -- duxup ?

[ Parent ]
A Day in the Life | 10 comments (10 topical, 0 hidden)