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Consider this your warning

Family

By theboz (Fri May 26, 2006 at 06:33:05 PM EST) pregnancy, misery, pain, suffering (all tags)

Do NOT have kids.

I have a lot to say, but I'm way too tired but I will say that having a pregnant wife is probably about the 2nd worst life experience that a person can have. The first worst is probably being the pregnant life. Seriously, it is horrible, in a "Please...kill...me..." sort of way, although I don't really want to be killed. I just am miserable.

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Consider this your warning | 52 comments (52 topical, 0 hidden)

Hm... by Metatone (4.00 / 5) #1 Fri May 26, 2006 at 09:42:23 PM EST

So many cliches, so little time:

Congrats/Hang on in there/It'll be worth it in time/Take care/Good Luck

: You forgot one by Cloaked User (4.00 / 2) #51 Mon May 29, 2006 at 11:12:17 PM EST

Only another 18 or so years and your life can get back to normal!

--
This is not a psychotic episode. It is a cleansing moment of clarity.
[ Parent ]

Don't forget the pickles and ice cream! by DesiredUsername (4.00 / 2) #2 Sat May 27, 2006 at 02:49:50 AM EST

---
Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline

The Trimester Reports Were All A Lie. by CheeseburgerBrown (4.00 / 3) #3 Sat May 27, 2006 at 03:37:53 AM EST

It's true: pregnancy and childism are wall-to-wall* tortures suitable for using against supervillains or even souless Islams.

________________
* Actually, that's not altogether true, as I did get a decent bit of sleep last night between 1:30 and 4:20.

I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da. We are a simple, grease-loving people who enjoy le weekend de ski.

Every woman and every pregnancy is different by lm (4.00 / 7) #4 Sat May 27, 2006 at 04:04:47 AM EST

But, hey, let's go with Nietzsche: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Buck up, theboz, this will build your character. Someday you will be a better man for having gone through all of this.

Or not. Now, that would really suck, if you went through all this misery for nothing.

Good luck.

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic

It gets better by joh3n (4.00 / 3) #6 Sat May 27, 2006 at 04:22:31 AM EST

Every day you'll get other people telling you things like 'at least the puking stops in the second trimester' and various other lies.

----
I am a crime against humanity
-theantix

Heh by theboz (4.00 / 1) #12 Sat May 27, 2006 at 05:45:41 AM EST

I hope that's not a lie, although I'm sure if it stops other miseries will replace it.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n

[ Parent ]

It does by ucblockhead (4.00 / 2) #15 Sat May 27, 2006 at 07:28:52 AM EST

The third trimester is easier in those respects.

From what I recall, the third trimester is when she starts wanting to paint everything.

Then the little one pops out and the sleep deprivation wipes it all out of your memory.
---
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman

[ Parent ]

not....ish by joh3n (4.00 / 3) #19 Sat May 27, 2006 at 08:13:31 AM EST

ROFLWIFE waitied until about 3-4 weeks into second trimester to stop puking. Second trimester was a breeze after that. Now it's the mode of 'I AM TOO BIG. I WANT THIS DONE!'

But hey, on the plus side, you are now officially drinking for three

----
I am a crime against humanity
-theantix

[ Parent ]

but j3wife is having a girl by yankeehack (4.00 / 1) #24 Sat May 27, 2006 at 09:49:58 AM EST

From what I have been told, and when I was pregnant with LO, the extra estrogen in the body with mom and baby girl is what causes the additional morning sickness.
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

[ Parent ]

Maybe by ucblockhead (4.00 / 2) #27 Sat May 27, 2006 at 12:16:53 PM EST

My wife had a boy, and hers was relatively mild. (Morning sickness, that is.)
---
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman

[ Parent ]

Oestrogen: Not produced* until puberty. by ammoniacal (4.00 / 3) #40 Sun May 28, 2006 at 02:27:14 AM EST

* Only in quite small amounts, by fat tissue.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]

: leave it to a man by garlic (4.00 / 2) #43 Sun May 28, 2006 at 08:26:17 AM EST

i won't verify your info because it agrees with my preconcieved notions.

[ Parent ]

Just wait... by Vertical Frankenstein (4.00 / 4) #7 Sat May 27, 2006 at 04:24:31 AM EST

...it gets better^*.

* I'm getting a lot of mileage out of that link this week.

still funny too. by garlic (4.00 / 3) #8 Sat May 27, 2006 at 05:10:25 AM EST

[ Parent ]

Fuck that by theboz (4.00 / 4) #13 Sat May 27, 2006 at 05:46:52 AM EST

That guy should beat the hell out of that kid.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n

[ Parent ]

: Your hormones are raging too by Rogerborg (4.00 / 3) #39 Sat May 27, 2006 at 09:44:51 PM EST

You sound almost Canadian.

-
Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

But on the other hand by Rogerborg (4.00 / 5) #9 Sat May 27, 2006 at 05:28:19 AM EST

You're squeezing a pregnancy boob.

-
Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.

Well, it can be rough by georgeha (4.00 / 3) #10 Sat May 27, 2006 at 05:37:29 AM EST

but I've lived and seen worse things.

Ok then by theboz (4.00 / 2) #11 Sat May 27, 2006 at 05:45:11 AM EST

Come down here and let me get you pregnant and see if you don't complain.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n

: "Is it in yet?" might not be a complaint by ammoniacal (4.00 / 3) #30 Sat May 27, 2006 at 02:50:04 PM EST

I want you two to fight to the death. FIGHT!
"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger
[ Parent ]

I dont have kids by cam (4.00 / 3) #14 Sat May 27, 2006 at 06:13:28 AM EST

so I endorse this diary.

cam
Freedom, liberty, equity and an Australian Republic

As a proud father, just let me say... by ObviousTroll (4.00 / 2) #16 Sat May 27, 2006 at 07:31:29 AM EST

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

*cough*

HAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAa

*wheeze*

*hack*

*heh*

If she's having problems with morning sickness, SWHTL found that if she ate some crackers before she even got out of bed she didn't get nauseous. I don't know why that helped, but it did. She kept a box of saltines next to the bed through both pregnancies.

--
You're no good to me dead. Even half-alive would be socially awkward. - Hugh MacLeod

Let me be the first to say by joh3n (4.00 / 1) #20 Sat May 27, 2006 at 08:14:32 AM EST

with confidence: YMMV

----
I am a crime against humanity
-theantix

[ Parent ]

Hey! by ObviousTroll (4.00 / 2) #26 Sat May 27, 2006 at 11:27:41 AM EST

Don't go crushing the false hopes I'm trying to raise.

After all, if you can't count on the placebo effect, what can you count on?

--
You're no good to me dead. Even half-alive would be socially awkward. - Hugh MacLeod

[ Parent ]

: death. taxes. and by joh3n (4.00 / 2) #34 Sat May 27, 2006 at 05:55:18 PM EST

pregnancies never being the same twice.
----
I am a crime against humanity
-theantix
[ Parent ]
: joh3n is right by theboz (2.00 / 0) #45 Sun May 28, 2006 at 04:55:14 PM EST

The mere mention of saltines or any crackers results in my wife opening her mouth, pointing her index finger towards it, making her eyes narrow and yelling, "UGH!" in what I believe to be an impression of a nausea suffering valley girl.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n
[ Parent ]

What's wrong? by yankeehack (4.00 / 2) #17 Sat May 27, 2006 at 07:37:32 AM EST

Someone hasn't gotten laid in a while?
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

That's it by vorheesleatherface (4.00 / 2) #18 Sat May 27, 2006 at 08:06:10 AM EST

Kick him while he's down.

[ Parent ]

She's talking about theboz? by georgeha (4.00 / 4) #21 Sat May 27, 2006 at 08:18:42 AM EST

I figured it was me.

[ Parent ]

Ya, I had to think about it too [nt] by vorheesleatherface (4.00 / 3) #22 Sat May 27, 2006 at 08:21:06 AM EST

[ Parent ]

: Buh. Ung. Durr. Ummmm. by greyrat (4.00 / 3) #32 Sat May 27, 2006 at 05:42:16 PM EST

[ Parent ]

Why should that stop for pregnancy? by creo (4.00 / 4) #38 Sat May 27, 2006 at 09:10:42 PM EST

Mrs C and I had some great sex was while she was pregnant...it does make for some interesting positioning though.

I guess she was pretty lucky in that she never got the morning sickness or anything like that - well that I knew about.

"I shall do what I believe to be right and honourable" - Guderian

[ Parent ]

: Often by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #44 Sun May 28, 2006 at 03:33:04 PM EST

It's better.
---
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]

I get laid a lot by theboz (4.00 / 1) #46 Sun May 28, 2006 at 04:57:10 PM EST

It's probably TMI but that's part of the problem. She's feeling weak and sick, as well as horny. So she gets horny, we have sex, then she's even more tired than before, she falls asleep and doesn't eat on schedule, then gets sick and the rest of the day is spent by me trying to cater to her.

If I wasn't getting laid, this would be much, much worse.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n

[ Parent ]

First trimester? by webwench

(4.00 / 3) #49 Mon May 29, 2006 at 07:21:28 AM EST

The hellish fatigue should go away in the second trimester,along with all the puking, at which time she will have excess energy, if she's like me. Then comes the nesting, neverending shopping trips and home-improvement urges... ha ha. Suckerrrrr.

^{Getting more attention than you since 1998.}

[ Parent ]

: Thanks by theboz (4.00 / 2) #50 Mon May 29, 2006 at 07:31:45 AM EST

That's what "they" say also, so hopefully this is gone by the second trimester. As far as shopping and home improvement is concerned, that's fine. We live in an apartment so there's not much home improvement that can occur, but hopefully we can divert that to looking at houses instead.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n
[ Parent ]

Pregnancy really isn't that bad. by calla (4.00 / 3) #23 Sat May 27, 2006 at 08:35:46 AM EST

You throw up a lot. You bleed a little.

Just pray she doesn't die while giving birth. That would suck.

"Are Linux chicks worth it?" fencepost

You, madam are one mean $%Y@#$W -- NO CARRIER by greyrat (4.00 / 1) #31 Sat May 27, 2006 at 05:41:15 PM EST

[ Parent ]

I'm not talking about something by calla (4.00 / 2) #36 Sat May 27, 2006 at 07:42:49 PM EST

that isn't a common concern.

F**k - I came close to bleeding to death after my son was born. I blacked out as the midwife was screaming for help. It's a good thing that I was in the hospital and not doing that stupid hippy home birth crap.

Good news for the boz - his wife might be carrying a boy if she's having so much difficulty with nausea.

"Are Linux chicks worth it?" fencepost

[ Parent ]

OK. You, madam are one obvious Y@#$W -- NO CARRIER by greyrat (4.00 / 1) #41 Sun May 28, 2006 at 03:21:44 AM EST

[ Parent ]

to make this conversation even happier by yankeehack (4.00 / 1) #47 Sun May 28, 2006 at 06:07:01 PM EST

I hemorraged during childbirth.
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

[ Parent ]

: That must have been a mess. by calla (2.00 / 0) #48 Sun May 28, 2006 at 07:45:11 PM EST

How the hell did that happen? Is there room for blood to flow out at the same time the baby is moving through?
What did they do?
"Are Linux chicks worth it?" fencepost
[ Parent ]

(Comment Deleted) by yicky yacky (4.00 / 3) #25 Sat May 27, 2006 at 10:30:15 AM EST

This comment has been deleted by yicky yacky

Patience is everything. by greyrat (4.00 / 2) #29 Sat May 27, 2006 at 01:47:01 PM EST

You just have to wait about twenty-six years and everything will be back to normal -- almost.

You go girl! by greyrat (4.00 / 1) #33 Sat May 27, 2006 at 05:45:10 PM EST

Yeah, go down and let him get you pregnant too.

Reason number 8003430 not to have children by MisterQueue (4.00 / 3) #35 Sat May 27, 2006 at 06:48:26 PM EST

I mean, that's pretty low on the list. Not to deride your obvious joy, mind. I'm just sayin' is all.

------------
I did invent the wheel in a previous generation.

Congratulations! by Canthros (4.00 / 3) #37 Sat May 27, 2006 at 09:00:11 PM EST

Of a sort!

--
I'm ~~not~~ here, man.

i didn't know that. by garlic (4.00 / 1) #42 Sun May 28, 2006 at 08:24:53 AM EST

Pregnancy by jimgon (2.00 / 0) #52 Tue May 30, 2006 at 02:50:18 AM EST

Bah. That's just to prepare you for the true pain of an actual child. These are the death pangs of your life. After this it is Parenthood.

---------------
Technician - "We can't even get decent physical health care. Mental health is like witchcraft here."

I don't see why that would be by theboz (2.00 / 0) #53 Tue May 30, 2006 at 06:31:34 AM EST

We've gone to clubs and seen people who have kids, in fact two of the biggest club ho's that I ever met both had kids. There's also lots of MILFs I see pushing around strollers so it's also obvious that the idea of women not being able to get a good figure after giving birth is a lie too (we have a gym membership and my wife's cousin is a plastic surgeon if necessary.) When the baby is born, there's always babysitters and once we purchase a house we're going to look into the idea of a live-in maid/nanny to help around.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n

[ Parent ]

: You'll see (n/t) by jimgon (2.00 / 0) #54 Tue May 30, 2006 at 06:44:57 AM EST

---------------
Technician - "We can't even get decent physical health care. Mental health is like witchcraft here."
[ Parent ]

Consider this your warning | 52 comments (52 topical, 0 hidden)