Mostly for my own amusement | 8 comments (8 topical, 0 hidden)
Critique in a Comment by cam (4.00 / 3) #1 Tue May 16, 2006 at 10:53:11 AM EST

Part I

Haha someone wrote Ed's Dead, that is morose, I will do an Ed Lives one.

zombies and vampyres are cool. Every story should be about them.

Bugger he is up and around now, ECKY THUMP! The Goodies rock string string string string everybody loves string.

I think hulver is from the midlands, or somewhere near there, like England. hmm never been to the midlands, or England for that matter, what does someone from the midlands sound like? In my esteemed opinion they are a cross between Monty Python, Frank Spencer and Geoffrey Boycott.

Bugger had to be about midgets.


Part II

Bugger no-one is voting for it. Ahhh that is why, it is craptastic - not unexpected - better shill for votes so it doesn't get stuck on 0%.

Woohoo goal achieved and I didn't even vote for it myself.

Henry Rollins sucks, worst concert I have been to evar.

Freedom, liberty, equity and an Australian Republic

Heh. I guess I should reply here on by greyrat (4.00 / 3) #2 Tue May 16, 2006 at 11:03:01 AM EST
Doubled Duplicity.

First, the title sucks, but I only had about ten seconds to make one up while I was uploading.

The whole story line was fixed in my head before I'd finished that execrable first sentence. God, I'd love to rewrite that as at least two sentences so y'all could breathe in there, but it ain't happening right now. Writing and "proofing" (and I use that term very loosely, was completed in less than five hours in four sit-downs. I would really rather rewrite the whole thing, just keeping the story line as a skeleton. This WFC was meant to be a bridge from the original story to some later sequel. I mean, what else can you do with only 2000 words?

For all the "Huh?" responses: Didn't you read the original base story? I mean, yeah, my story is pretty surreal, but hey, get with the program. Hulver is being pursued by the little people to be possessed for some particularly nefarious purpose. Perhaps he's a major pivot in their plan for world domination. The time warp might be a way to conceal him -- or just a by-product of the pursuit by the little people. It's interesting that he doesn't even know that he's time warped, but Mimi and Claire do. I personally was kind of freaked out the Claire appeared in my story before I found her in the original. She was misplaced/replaced as the friend and confidant of the lover instead as the lover herself. That pushed her and Mimi into a coven-like relationship (are they good and protecting Hulver, or evil and exploiting him?) that I'd love to expand on more in the next installment, which will never exist -- unless someone wants to fund me. The other characters are meant to be HuSi camp and shouldn't be too hard to figure out.

Execrable first sentence. That would be this: by greyrat (4.00 / 2) #3 Tue May 16, 2006 at 11:10:41 AM EST
"It had been more than half an hour since the gang had pulled him out of the surf and across the beach to the driftwood fire burning fitfully in the gusting wind at the base of the chalk cliff."

[ Parent ]
At what point by joh3n (4.00 / 1) #4 Tue May 16, 2006 at 02:49:40 PM EST
should we start writing critiques of critiques?

i wish they'd make hitler toilet paper

I give this comment a 3.5 by Driusan (4.00 / 2) #5 Tue May 16, 2006 at 06:54:51 PM EST
It was pretty good. It didn't really waste any time getting to the punchline, but at the same time, it didn't spend enough time with the set up. That, and I'm not too sure it's meta enough for me.

Does it deserve being rounded up to a 4? I'm not sure, and I avoid other ratings, so I'll have to spend a little more time thinking before I decide if the comment I'm gonna vote for this comment.

Vive le Montréal libre.

[ Parent ]
Gah. by Driusan (2.00 / 0) #6 Tue May 16, 2006 at 06:59:25 PM EST
Why do I never notice leftover fragments of sentences that I rephrased until after I hit post? Ignore that extraneous "the comment".

Vive le Montréal libre.
[ Parent ]
actually by Kellnerin (2.00 / 0) #7 Wed May 17, 2006 at 10:01:36 AM EST
I'll do one. Looking at the list above it seems like my diary title stands out as one of the ones that makes the least sense. And while one may say, "None of Kellnerin's diary titles make sense, what of it?" this one actually makes un-sense in a very specific way.

At my nephew's birthday party about a month ago, he was bombarded with the usual questions a young child has to address at such milestones: What's today? How old are you? When's your birthday? The answer he gave my father to this last one was: April (April what?) April Oak.

How this relates to the contents of the diary is left as an exercise in linkage of concepts so tenuously related, I did not notice the link myself until two days later.

I'll try not to get any more meta than this.

"later" meant either "when you walk around the corner" or "oatmeal."

[ Parent ]
The PDF file... by ana (2.00 / 0) #8 Fri May 19, 2006 at 06:25:09 AM EST
I've posted EdHulver.pdf and, since I haven't figured out how to include the PNG file, separately download ED_goes_PNG.png.

Kellnerin was talking about prettying this up and making an actual book out of it (including the covers).

The author list is in the "notes" section at the front.

Can you introspect out loud? --CRwM

Mostly for my own amusement | 8 comments (8 topical, 0 hidden)