Print Story Won't slow down just for me
Time insists on moving forward in steady second-length increments. Cursing.

So the news is around and I'm not dropping any bombshells. The house is in shock and unable to do anything but look in all directions at once, avoid any directions at all and still manage to hold Family Night with the incredible neck pain resulting from emotional whiplash.

I'm finding myself conflicted, frustrated and exhausted more often these days than I generally prefer. But to be positive and knock the stresses off as they come:

I do have a bigger room which is far more suitable for ncmt and I to share without waking up in the night with a knife to the other's throat and finding a blade digging in the ribs. The Shawshack Shuffle resulted in the inevitable evaluation of how many books I have and how little shelving space I have to contain them, particularly with my little quirks and flashes of OCD. It has been managed. On my large white shelf, all the genre fiction and modern "literature;" the large black shelf holds all non-fiction, textbooks, pseudo-science and religious texts; the small white shelf has the distinctive honour of protecting all books published before my parents were born (some before my great-grandfather's birth), classical literature, poetry, plays, James Bond novels and science fiction magazines from the 50's-70's. We're really just hoping for the best when the rest of ncmt's possessions have to fit at the end of the month.

I will be finished working full time at the end of this month. Money has been saved to maintain my inanimate body during hibernation. Until then, I am holding my breath and barely containing my anticipation.

I have a surprising number of freelance jobs set up for the winter. I'm hoping to make enough to send me back to evening classes for the editing certificate. One of these jobs is for barter with a well established author and therapist who runs writing workshops that I now sit in on for free. Most of what has been covered so far are things that I know, but rarely think of during the process. It's surprising how quickly this group is pulling me out of my "I can't write shit" funk. Also: I am too young, by an average of twenty years, to properly relate to many of my fellow members. Makes for interesting discussions on dialogue.

I am sick of being sick. I will no longer be sick. The darkness settling over the city at 5pm will no longer send me into hiding beneath the sheets while I still have work to do, clothes to sort, friends to cuddle. Depression is not permitted. That goes for anxiety too, you sneaky bastard.

I will ease the fuck off ncmt. The current emotional tides being what they are can make it easy to be snappy and argue about inconsequential bullshit. I will release some of my insecurity and fear. It is helping no one and is straining patience all around.

I have some serious letter writing to do.

And now, I must go to work. I have to be there at 7:30, so I really have to run to work. I'm starting to pull my shit together, so I suppose I'll be around more often.

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Won't slow down just for me | 25 comments (25 topical, 0 hidden)
Disagree by Phage (4.00 / 1) #1 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 02:53:20 AM EST
I am too young, by an average of twenty years, to properly relate to many of my fellow members

Why is it different in RL ? I'm probably not the only one here with a birthday in the <cough>60's</cough>, and you seem to have no problem with that. Give 'em hell, I say.

Yeah, I agree . . . by slozo (4.00 / 1) #2 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 03:51:26 AM EST
. . . maybe too young for some of the group to relate to - but certainly not too young.

[ Parent ]
I had a perfectly reasoned response by MissTrish (4.00 / 1) #3 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 03:55:35 AM EST
all lined up. Then I was distracted by the ray gun and lasers.

In real-life, it may astonish many to know that I am polite to my elders, agree with their ridiculously outdated ideas, and rarely make mock of their impending death. Biting my tongue that often makes it difficult to speak around the swelling.

Seriously though, it's just weird to sit in a room of 8 strangers who are all looking at me like the "young 'un" who could be friends with their children (grand-children.) I had to redirect a slightly patronizing "that's nice, dear" critique from a "professional" business-woman in the group, although the rest of them are very relaxed with me and don't seem to care quite as much.

The hardest part was not giving in and pulling the unworldly and uneducated white trash from the suburbs routine just to fuck with her.

ypu're a chair
[ Parent ]
Heh, by Phage (4.00 / 1) #4 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 04:28:32 AM EST
The best response is to respond with like criticism. There's nothing they hate more than being patronised.
And of course it's a set up, if they complain or rebutt too strongly, you can take the high ground and point out that you have merely reflected their own words. This is superior to the 'Fucking with their heads approach', because they have probably had that done to them a hundred times already and if they have an IQ higher than room temperature (C) they'll call you on it.

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Unfortunately I was gracious by MissTrish (2.00 / 0) #7 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 04:36:43 AM EST
and kept clear of any major conflict. When she gave her vague, "that was nice" comment, I drilled her for more details. Was there a specific passage that added to the nice? If this passage more than others, where do you think they lost the nice? Now when you say nice, do you mean...? Also very, very careful to speak clearly (I have a subtle accent/impediment/mutter) and use words with no less than three syllables.

It just seemed to be the easier way to go with two more weeks left in the workshop with her.

ypu're a chair
[ Parent ]
I know. by Phage (4.00 / 1) #8 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 04:41:23 AM EST
We old people suck. But then winding people up is one of the few pleasures left to us.
I'll have to see if I can find the cartoon I remember that illustrates this. If I can I'll post it up.
Good onya for keeping the peace though.

[ Parent ]
Page widening by Phage (4.00 / 1) #16 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 05:10:00 AM EST
It's not the one I was thinking of, but it's by the same bloke and tells a similar story.

[ Parent ]
A good response might go something like by ad hoc (4.00 / 2) #11 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 04:50:04 AM EST
"Maybe you've forgotten by now, but when you're in your 20s, people generally [make point here]".

or maybe

"I'm trying not to be quite so rigid and uncompromising. Being so dogmatic comes with age."
Hypocrisy is the resin that holds the plywood of society together

[ Parent ]
Nice by Phage (2.00 / 0) #13 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 04:53:44 AM EST
That's the spirit. The good one's will laugh.

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*cough* by ana (2.00 / 0) #5 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 04:30:21 AM EST

Regular, or decaf abomination? --Kellnerin

[ Parent ]
Precisely by Phage (4.00 / 1) #6 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 04:34:28 AM EST
I'm fairly sure that there's a handful of us here who still remember when they wheeled Space Invaders into the pub.

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Oh man! by MissTrish (2.00 / 0) #9 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 04:42:47 AM EST
You guys had real arcade games in bars? All we have these days--you know, modern times--are "online" poker and trivia "terminals."

I'm done being a jackass.

ypu're a chair
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Modern times by Phage (2.00 / 0) #12 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 04:52:44 AM EST
You must have sub-standard bars ! The pub I used to serve in (C. 2002) had a PS2 on the big screen TV for the regulars to play.
Reading the reviews it sounds a lot different now. We had a great time then, with the most International staff ever. The landlord was a Kiwi, his wife was Irish, the manager was Canadian and most of the staff were Aussies. I was there for 18 months and worked my arse off. I lost ~30lbs and put some scar tissue down on a few old wounds.

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Ahhh, "surly service" by MissTrish (2.00 / 0) #19 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 05:24:31 AM EST
The right clientele pays good money for abuse over coffee/pint. Best story I've got includes warnings that I cheat at arm wrestling, one surprising punch, and a five dollar tip. I always manage to gain weight and lose inches when I work service.

Was the game selection decent, or mostly sports games? Pretty kickass at any rate, the best I got is cheap internet and a staff trained to incite addiction to GoogleEarth, cute overload, etc. on an hourly rate.

ypu're a chair
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Games were OK by Phage (2.00 / 0) #20 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 05:29:34 AM EST
Generally they were the ones you get at sale prices because they were not the latest 'n' greatest release. Nothing more than a few months old, but I can't remember the details. We used to mostly use it for watching LoTR on the big screen with chilli pizza and beer after closing time.

[ Parent ]
Or even by ad hoc (2.00 / 0) #15 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 04:59:37 AM EST
Now that sounds like a good bar. by Phage (2.00 / 0) #17 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 05:14:22 AM EST

[ Parent ]
So, if you were born in the 50's by MissTrish (2.00 / 0) #10 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 04:48:57 AM EST
that makes you like...half a century old! (crap,  I said I was done being a jackass.)

So long as you're not convinced that an accident of birth makes you above reading my writing (I'm already confident that this is not the case) you're 16 for all I care.

Internets people are all only as old as the amount of time I have been interacting with them. So, you are approximately 8 months old.

ypu're a chair
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There's no way by Phage (4.00 / 1) #14 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 04:54:46 AM EST
I'm burping a kid that big.

[ Parent ]
Indeed. by ana (4.00 / 1) #18 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 05:22:50 AM EST
I think Kellnerin dug up a comment that I made long ago to the effect that I'm older than my internet personae.

I do like reading what you write; there's some serious potential there. Please keep writing.

Regular, or decaf abomination? --Kellnerin

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Thanks for the encouragement by MissTrish (2.00 / 0) #21 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 05:51:52 AM EST
It's so easy to let it slide, to read crappy novels instead of writing crappy novels and just be lazy about creativity.

But it's also boring. It'll take a bit of time, but I think I'll get back in the habit of waking up and typing until I have to run to make work on time (see: today.)

ypu're a chair
[ Parent ]
It really is... by ana (4.00 / 1) #22 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 06:21:48 AM EST
all too easy to surf teh intarwebs or read, as you say, crappy novels, instead of writing your own. But if you're at all like me, there are little people in your head who want you to tell their stories.

Regular, or decaf abomination? --Kellnerin

[ Parent ]
Book organization by skippy (2.00 / 0) #23 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 09:50:13 AM EST
Regarding your category of "pseudo-science and religious texts", I'm glad to find that I'm not the only one who has that group.  My collection there runs the gamut from various protestant-themed books that my parents give me every Christmas ("The Message", "How To Stop Disappointing Your Parents And Keep From Going to Hell", etc.), various gnosticism-related books (Nag Hammadi Codex, Freke & Gandy, etc.), and a bit of Terrence McKenna thrown in for good measure.

I'm almost ashamed of them by MissTrish (2.00 / 0) #24 Fri Nov 17, 2006 at 12:23:45 PM EST
I've got a smattering of watchtower prop. and Art Bell conspiracy, UFO anthologies and new age mumblings.

I counted the bibles: 9 including various versions of New Testament and the Mormon bible.

I'm not sure why, but I have the conviction that one day I'll need that many bibles and to throw out even one is a waste of primo b.s. (my apologies to Christians, but I just don't buy it.)

ypu're a chair
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Don't worry. by Pasofol (2.00 / 0) #25 Sat Nov 18, 2006 at 01:35:40 PM EST
I've taken no offence. 
"my apologies to Christians, but I just don't buy it."

It's your right to think what you like, and its my right to condemn you to hell!  Just joking.

Glad to see posting again, and if you want more bibles I probably have some that I stole from school.  Don't you just love the irony?  Reminds me of when a priest asked me to be an altar boy just because I agreed to go with him into a small room.  Might have been the smartest thing I've done by turning him down. :-) And for the record nothing happened in the room, nothing!!!!

[ Parent ]
Won't slow down just for me | 25 comments (25 topical, 0 hidden)