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By muchagecko (Wed Nov 15, 2006 at 07:34:38 PM EST) death, cancer, dolls, funerals (all tags)

My cousin, Cindy's death has hit me pretty hard. I didn't realize how important she was to me.

Cindy was my cousin. She was mine because that's how we divided them up. I got Cindy, my brother got Cheri, and my sister got the twins.

Cindy was about 10 years older. She was my idol.

She and her sisters were crafty, made fantastic cookies, played the best games, and had a pool in their backyard.

I named many dolls after her. Here's a blurry pic

dolly pic

(not intentional - my grandmother took many blurry pics) of me, my nana, my sister, brother, and little cousin with our dolls. I'm holding Cindy 2 and my brother has Cindy 1 on his lap.

When my dad and my mom split - my cousins were pretty much lost as part of the divorce. We saw each other some holidays, but that became less and less frequent until the last time I saw them when I was 16. Even though I wasn't able to understand it then, I can see now that losing them was difficult for me.

Cindy was everything I wanted to be. Tall, pretty, popular, smart, a fantastic mom, a great cook - perfect. Cindy is an icon in my head. In my mind I see me as her when I'm at my best. When I'm a good mom, I see Cindy. When I'm a great cook, again Cindy.

I need my favorite Cindy doll. Cindy 1. It's in storage in Jersey. Hopefully I'll be able to get it soon.

I'm flying out tomorrow early for her funeral. How do you bury the symbol of all that is good?

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Icons | 6 comments (6 topical, 0 hidden)

You don't by ShadowNode (4.00 / 3) #1 Wed Nov 15, 2006 at 09:21:32 PM EST

You remember her and how you felt about her, and she's still the same symbol.

: I wasn't the only one. by muchagecko (4.00 / 2) #5 Sat Nov 18, 2006 at 05:39:47 PM EST

I feel better for going to her funeral. There were over 500 people there. The place was packed.
Many people were touched by what a wonderful person she was.
I like to think of armies of people carrying her as their symbol.

The only people to get even with are those that have helped you.
[ Parent ]

You by blixco (4.00 / 5) #2 Wed Nov 15, 2006 at 10:20:10 PM EST

can't bury the person. You bury their biology.

But their spirit stays with you.

She's been with you all this time, already.

I'm lousy at things to say when people die, but I hope that you'll be well. Grieve, and celebrate, and be well.
---------------------------------
I accidentally had a conversation in italian at lunchtime. I don't speak italian. - Merekat

: The most poignant by muchagecko (4.00 / 2) #4 Sat Nov 18, 2006 at 05:35:51 PM EST

part of the funeral was when my cousin, Karen - Cindy's sister, knocked on the casket saying "Are you there Cin?" She told me that she just wanted to see her sister dead - so she could have an ending.
I'm not sure which I prefer - open or closed caskets. But it seems that allclose family members should be able to see the dead before they're buried.
Thanks for your words - I've found comfort in them. I may have a way to handle the grief. Thanks.

The only people to get even with are those that have helped you.
[ Parent ]

The beauty of continuing to live with the memory by greyrat (4.00 / 1) #3 Thu Nov 16, 2006 at 03:02:29 AM EST

of a dead person is that you can make your history with that person look however you like. Do that. It can be a source of unending joy and peace.

: Thanks. by muchagecko (4.00 / 1) #6 Sat Nov 18, 2006 at 05:43:52 PM EST

I'm thinking of making Cindy dolls as gifts. I'd like to spread some joy and peace that way.

The only people to get even with are those that have helped you.
[ Parent ]

Icons | 6 comments (6 topical, 0 hidden)