Hulver's site || If it's too loud you're too old

Diaries
Everything
Who's Online?
FAQ / Help

It's a vomit!

By StackyMcRacky (Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 02:50:33 AM EST) (all tags)

Just look at the ham sandwich he had earlier!

My mood swings are all over the place. I try to keep myself centered, but it's hard. The only consistant things are my constant need to vomit, I'm not sleeping, and I literally have to force myself to eat. I've also found that a complete emotional breakdown at lunch really helps me get through the rest of the day.

I've realized I need some closure on a situation I will probably never get. I could ask for it, in theory, but I don't really have a right to. The mind is a funny thing - it will hold on to the impossible until it has actual proof at how impossible that thing is.

Ugh, I feel so ill. Habit must be the reason I'm able to come into work.

The closet company still owes me ~$300. Supposedly, I'll get the money this week. That office manager really likes to work at her own pace.

I can't find the web site I downloaded my Wonder Woman screen saver from. I originally found it on Google, but it's not coming up anymore. Damnit.

I will have a lot of time to myself on Saturday. Hopefully, it won't rain so I can dig up my pathetic front yard beds. Manual labor is always good. Physical pain is so much easier to deal with.

My workload has become quite feast or famine. When I have a billion "real work" things to do, the oncall is completely out of hand. When it's slow (like today, waiting on the vendor), oncall is dead. Too bad life isn't fair.

I keep having long moments (30mins+) of just staring at my screen but seeing nothing.

Feh, might as well post. Commenting is more fun anyway.

< My Office, Again | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >

Login

Related Links

- StackyMcRacky's Diary

Comment Controls

It's a vomit! | 59 comments (59 topical, 0 hidden)

A few weeks ago by anonimouse (4.00 / 2) #1 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 02:56:22 AM EST

You were commenting about how alive you felt as a result of a change of diet. Have you reneged on it in any way, because it sounds like it.

Either that, or there's a little Stacky on the way....

Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL

My thoughts by Phage (4.00 / 2) #2 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 02:59:28 AM EST

Pregnancy...or marriage breakup.

There are plenty here who could give you surprisingly good advice on both.

[ Parent ]

The important thing is that we are here by DesiredUsername (4.00 / 6) #13 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 03:22:09 AM EST

to speculate aloud unhelpfully.

---
Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline

[ Parent ]

: and make funny comments by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 3) #17 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 03:44:04 AM EST

that's the most important part.

[ Parent ]
: sco by dev trash (2.00 / 0) #49 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 07:07:46 AM EST

she's upset sco has no evidence

--
I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR BALLS! ->clock
[ Parent ]

it's complicated by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #3 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 03:00:46 AM EST

and stupid. and not anything i'm going to post in detail. i'm still on the diet (when i can eat), and there's no little Stacky.

[ Parent ]

Without the detail by Phage (2.00 / 0) #4 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 03:02:38 AM EST

Relationships Vs Substance abuse ?

[ Parent ]

Have you tried drinking heavily? by Herring (4.00 / 1) #5 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 03:03:13 AM EST

It doesn't help, but a really good hangover puts things in perspective.

You can't inspire people with facts
- Small Gods

[ Parent ]

: Hmmm by anonimouse (4.00 / 1) #7 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 03:09:10 AM EST

Whilst a one-off treatment may be useful, I think watching you walk along the edge of thar particular cliff is a warning to all of us.
Stacky does seem to be uncharacteristically(?) cryptic about what's bothering her; maybe she should go seek advice on a site dedicated to her particular problem, rather than expose it to the sometimes merciless glare of Husites.
Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
[ Parent ]
: ugh by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #8 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 03:12:28 AM EST

no thanks. i avoided live years ago by drinking heavily, no need to do that again. i have so few brain cells left.

[ Parent ]

Sounds like nerves and anxiety by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #6 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 03:07:33 AM EST

maybe your meds need to be changed, or maybe you could become good buddies with a pharmacist and Open Source your treatment.

not on any meds by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #10 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 03:15:47 AM EST

and yes, it is nerves and anxiety. at least, the physical symptoms.

[ Parent ]

Fo' shizzle? by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #16 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 03:40:43 AM EST

I thought/assumed you were on SSRI type thingies. They don't turn everyone into happy, sexless zombies, just a few.

[ Parent ]

fo shizzle! by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #18 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 03:53:03 AM EST

the only "medication" i have ever been on is the pill.

the 2 years ago i was diagnosed with depression they handed me drugs but i never took them.

stuff has happened in the last few years i just haven't dealt with very well, if at all. by dec i managed to get most of the little stuff sorted and i DID finally feel like myself again. unfortunately i made some bad decisions and am now having to deal with the consequences. and they have hit me hard.

[ Parent ]

Same thing with me by DesiredUsername (4.00 / 2) #28 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 04:36:33 AM EST

Only it was a broken leg and I refused to wear a cast. If people would just quit being such babies and walk these things off (possibly with a limp), we'd all be a lot better.

---
Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline

[ Parent ]

the world would be a better place by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 2) #32 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 04:57:59 AM EST

if everybody was as brilliant as you.

[ Parent ]

There would be a foundry in every garage by georgeha (4.00 / 3) #37 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 05:20:09 AM EST

and a calzone in every pot.

[ Parent ]

Sorry by DesiredUsername (2.00 / 0) #38 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 05:21:01 AM EST

But doesn't it seem a tiny bit foolish to ignore the advice of your doctor and then wonder why you feel so crappy?

---
Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline

[ Parent ]

you, sir by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #39 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 05:23:09 AM EST

have no clue what you're even talking about.

also, i can tell you don't have much experience with doctors.

[ Parent ]

Well by DesiredUsername (4.00 / 1) #46 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 05:42:57 AM EST

If you didn't accept the prescription because you had better information or a second opinion, that's great and I apologize. If you refused it on the basis of a cultural belief that mental problems are spiritual issues or whatever, that's not so great.

FWIW, it would take quite a bit of a mental problem to make me take medication for it too, but only because of the "I don't want to pop a pill and get happy" meme that is a lot less profound and useful than everyone seems to think.

---
Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline

[ Parent ]

You should read her previous diaries by webwench (4.00 / 1) #51 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 07:51:40 AM EST

The guy prescribed the heavy stuff for a case of the blues without scheduling any followup or sending Stacky to a counselor-type person (IIRC of course, Stacky will correct me if I'm wrong). That's really not the smart way to do it.

[ Parent ]

Indeed! by DesiredUsername (4.00 / 1) #54 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 09:40:14 AM EST

And then my apologies. I don't have time to obsessively reload the diary page like SOME PEOPLE.

---
Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline

[ Parent ]

: Who, meee? by webwench (2.00 / 0) #55 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 09:54:59 AM EST

*whistles*

[ Parent ]

Same thing with me, by CrocoStimpy (4.00 / 1) #42 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 05:30:51 AM EST

only it was transient back pain, and I refused to mainline heroin for it.

Anxiety medication can be worse than the problem. Sure it takes the edge off of the symtoms, but the rebound effect is a major bitch. You come off of the xanax or ativan and get POUNDED into the ground by the mother of all anxiety attacks, and must immediately pop another pill for relief. Can you say "addiction"?

Talk therapy, especially cognitive/behavioral therapy, has a much better track record, but health insurance companies would rather pay for little pills than a few weeks with a competent psychologist.

SSRIs work for the people they work for, but about one in three people don't respond positively. For some people they work for a while and then stop working. For some people, they work for a while and then drive them into a pit of despair.

Again, talk therapy works better, but it costs more up front, so health insurance companies don't pay much for it.

[ Parent ]

Anxiety by dn (2.00 / 0) #56 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 06:34:12 PM EST

Anxiety medication can be worse than the problem. Sure it takes the edge off of the symtoms, but the rebound effect is a major bitch. You come off of the xanax or ativan and get POUNDED into the ground by the mother of all anxiety attacks, and must immediately pop another pill for relief. Can you say "addiction"?

Beta blockers, which partially block adrenaline, reduce many anxiety symptoms. Low doses tend to have reasonable side effects, and rebound tends to be mild and brief.

I have withdrawn from Librium (a relative of Xanax), two SSRIs, and a beta blocker. The latter was a walk in the park compared to the others. I'd not hesitate to recommend trying a beta blocker to anybody with anxiety symptoms. You can get fast acting versions that only work for a few hours, and extended release versions that last 24 hours on a single pill.

I ♥
TOXIC
WASTE

[ Parent ]

back pain fucking sucks by nathan (2.00 / 0) #58 Sun Feb 13, 2005 at 03:12:55 AM EST

When I had an impinged nerve or something, they shot me full of Dilaudid. I didn't know what my name was for a week.

[ Parent ]

: Don't know much about back pain by CrocoStimpy (2.00 / 0) #59 Sun Feb 13, 2005 at 03:48:52 PM EST

but I did have a broken humerus once. Demerol and raglan are wonderful. They sent me home with a bottle of Tilox, which I took the first night to get me through, and then put the rest away in the medicine cabinet. I couldn't stand the wooziness. I'd rather be in pain.

[ Parent ]

"Depression" by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #36 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 05:19:49 AM EST

Overdiagnosed, IMHO. I think, too often, they call normal human feelings "depression". Everyone has bad shit happen to them in life. It's normal to feel depressed about it. Real "depression" is when everything is going swimmingly and you still feel depressed.

I think that when depression is called for (i.e. you lost a job, SO, etc.) then the pills are actually bad as they prevent you on dealing with the issue. <P< But that's just me...certain members of my family think I'm too harsh...
---
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman

[ Parent ]

i agree with you by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #41 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 05:24:41 AM EST

magic pills are most certainly not always the answer.

[ Parent ]

Meh by DesiredUsername (4.00 / 3) #43 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 05:31:17 AM EST

I used to say things like "depression/add/whatever is overdiagnosed" until I realized that everyone was saying it and I had no idea where the meme started. Now I just admit that I don't know how often depression is (mis)diagnosed, I have no clue how depression medication would keep a person from dealing with grief or what the difference is between depression and normal feelings due to bad events.

On the one hand, there probably are some people that are on meds that shouldn't be. On the other hand, there are tons of people that should be and aren't, in large part due to the "just walk it off, everyone feels sad" meme.

---
Now accepting suggestions for a new sigline

[ Parent ]

Check October issue of Consumer Reports by CrocoStimpy (4.00 / 1) #52 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 08:43:38 AM EST

It has a really informative article on depression and therapy. Drugs + talk therapy is best short term, but it looks like long term talk therapy approaches the effectiveness of drugs + talk therapy. Drug therapy alone hits immediately, then starts to roll off, and is quickly overtaken by talk therapy alone.

Medicine really isn't a science in the same sense that physics is. Biological systems are too complex and too squishy. Think of an SSRI as a hammer, and what we're doing is banging on the engine block until the motor runs better. I dragged that analogy out during a presentation made by a medical researcher specializing in OCD and Tourette Syndrome. He paused, and then said "That's exactly right"

[ Parent ]

: IAWTP by Herring (4.00 / 2) #53 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 08:50:15 AM EST

The longer term talk-therapy is starting to work for me. The drugs weren't anymore.
The drugs do have the benefit that they'll pick you up enough to start doing something "proper" about it. The drugs are like a jump start - OK to get going, but you need to get your alternator/battery sorted.

You can't inspire people with facts
- Small Gods
[ Parent ]

statistically it's scary by Dr H0ffm4n (2.00 / 0) #19 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 03:58:24 AM EST

How many people here seem to be on meds. I think me and Stacky are the only ones not.

[ Parent ]

And me by hulver

(2.00 / 0) #20 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 04:03:38 AM EST

Unless you count Alcohol and Cheese as Medication.
--
Cheese is not a hat. - clock

[ Parent ]

I do by Dr H0ffm4n (2.00 / 0) #22 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 04:11:25 AM EST

[ Parent ]

: So beers tonight then ? by Phage (2.00 / 0) #25 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 04:32:58 AM EST

[ Parent ]

Front page poll suggestion by anonimouse (2.00 / 0) #34 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 05:05:30 AM EST

Are you on any Medication?

Yes
No
Alcohol
Cheese
Chocolate
Mind your own business
WIPO

Multiple answers allowed.

Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL

[ Parent ]

I'm not, at least prescribed by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #21 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 04:03:41 AM EST

there's always the coffee, beer, occasional St. John's wort and thc.

But, SSRI's have a place in the Ha household, and they're working well.

[ Parent ]

Now that's just asking for a poll by Breaker (2.00 / 0) #24 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 04:25:09 AM EST

Medication required to prevent insanity.

[ Parent ]

: Good idea by anonimouse (2.00 / 0) #35 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 05:15:09 AM EST

poll suggestion
Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
[ Parent ]

Not me either! by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #26 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 04:32:59 AM EST

Except nicotene. But no booze or drugs (legal or otherwise).

Earth First!
_{(We can strip mine the rest later.)}

[ Parent ]

Not me! by lb008d (2.00 / 0) #30 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 04:43:06 AM EST

Unless you count antacids.

[ Parent ]

I'm not by barooo (2.00 / 0) #48 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 06:59:28 AM EST

Unless you count recreationally. And these days that's pretty much just alcohol.

man, i need a beefy taco now.
-gzt

[ Parent ]

I'm not by webwench (2.00 / 0) #50 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 07:48:17 AM EST

anymore.

[ Parent ]

No chocolate or margaritas for you! by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #9 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 03:15:18 AM EST

But here's a #hug# anyway.

Hang in there. And eat what you can.

Wonder Woman by Jave27 (2.00 / 0) #11 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 03:16:35 AM EST

Any of these?

"Beating up the homeless. It's cruel, but it's a good clean work-out and leaves you feeling winded and superior." - CheeseburgerBrown

: nope by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #14 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 03:29:39 AM EST

like i said, i have no idea what happened to the site. i searched through 4 pages of google links.

[ Parent ]

Don't have a right? by ENOENT (4.00 / 1) #12 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 03:20:37 AM EST

Ask anyway. If the only things you ever ask for are the things that you have a right to, you're not going to ever get much. Especially since you won't always get what you have a right to get.

Life is just one damned thing after another.
Love is just two damned things after each other.

true, true by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #15 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 03:35:22 AM EST

i suppose it would more correct to say i can ask, but i'm not really in a position to have my request granted.

then again, either i ask and get no response or a "no" (nothing changes) or i get what i want and can move on.

feh, my brain is too jumbled for me to think clearly. it's all so simple, why am i complicating it?

[ Parent ]

: Muppet Movie comeback by ENOENT (2.00 / 0) #23 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 04:21:35 AM EST

Have you tried Hare Krishna?

Life is just one damned thing after another.
Love is just two damned things after each other.

[ Parent ]

I prescribe: by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #27 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 04:33:56 AM EST

chocolate. The Food of the Gods.

Earth First!
_{(We can strip mine the rest later.)}

sadly by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #29 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 04:42:26 AM EST

i am not a chocolate person. maybe that's the root of all my problems.

[ Parent ]

Not a chocolate person! by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #31 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 04:51:20 AM EST

Well, that explains everything! Clearly your internal chemistry is severely deranged (and believe me, I know about deranged internal chemistry!) resulting in mood swings and the occaisonal desire to carry a high powered rifle to the top of a local structure. (If this last hasn't happened yet, wait a while. Blixco and I discussed the inevitability of this desire a few weeks ago.)

Or you're pregnant. With triplets. One of each.

Earth First!
_{(We can strip mine the rest later.)}

[ Parent ]

m, f, metro? by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #33 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 04:59:42 AM EST

perhaps i should run to the store right now and get some chocolate! can it be chocolate and peanut butter? i do looooove reces!

[ Parent ]

Teh most expensive chocolate by zantispam (2.00 / 0) #40 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 05:24:29 AM EST

ice cream you can afford plus Jif peanut butter.

Chocolate + wimmin == chemical release in the brain similar to orgasm.

What was I saying?

What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!

[ Parent ]

so i just ate a hershey's bar by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #45 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 05:42:56 AM EST

and i have to say - orgasms are a billion times better! at least mine are

[ Parent ]

: Hershey Bar != Chocolate by ENOENT (4.00 / 2) #47 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 06:13:52 AM EST

Mrs. ENT and I went to a place called "The Melting Pot", which is a fondue-themed restaurant found in many cities. After a meal of melted cheese, wine, and roast duck, we had the most excellent dark chocolate fondue.
Oh yeah, and we left the kids with a sitter.
That was the best meal ever. Ever. EVER.
Oh yeah, chocolate. Dark chocolate, especially heated, is the way to go.

Life is just one damned thing after another.
Love is just two damned things after each other.

[ Parent ]

chocolate and peanut butter by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #44 Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 05:38:19 AM EST

Absolutely! Especially since peanut butter is high in protein, which makes it a health food.

Earth First!
_{(We can strip mine the rest later.)}

[ Parent ]

A little late- by moonvine (2.00 / 0) #57 Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 04:59:26 AM EST

I have wanted to comment before, in your diaries, but always just got lost in all of the comments, and many are inside related, and I am a bit new, although a lurker for years, due to injecting at very random MV convienient times, and anyway, I have been very reluctant. I am a closet introvert. Nobody knows this. Now you do.

As for my suggestion. It works! Has for me. And I run through cycles as much as the next random person living in the modern world.

I do not take meds. Have never been presribed any, that mainly due to not visiting doctors. And do not intend on taking any- meds. Ever. I agree with you on that, wholeheartedly, the not taking meds part. Ah brevity...

Well have you tried yoga? Really. Its amazing. If you prefer to sweat while you work out "to feel the heat" and such, then you should def. try Bikram yoga. I'm Indian, so not a fad!! And it'll help with those pounds, and more importantly, it'll help you center and balance. My very long two cents.

It's a vomit! | 59 comments (59 topical, 0 hidden)