tl;dr

indeed   0 votes - 0 %
sort of skimmed it   1 vote - 33 %
you wrote this for you, didn't you?   2 votes - 66 %
 
3 Total Votes
International Scout by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #1 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 05:05:35 AM EST
One of the best off-road/on-road vehicles ever made in the US. Perhaps the Jeep CJ-5 was better at getting there, but it couldn't haul as much.

Alamagordo. Isn't that near Los Alamos? "Near" in the Southwest US sense, not the European one.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

It's about by blixco (2.00 / 0) #2 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 05:19:55 AM EST
seven or eight hours south of Los Alamos.  Several countries away in Eurotime.

In re: Scout, I loved that vehicle.  It was a two door, burnt orange, 4WD, bullet proof.  My stepbrother still has it, and it is still strong as hell.
---------------------------------
I accidentally had a conversation in italian at lunchtime. I don't speak italian. - Merekat

[ Parent ]
Several countries away in Eurotime. by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #3 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 05:31:20 AM EST
Next county over in the Southwest.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
My uncles had them by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #4 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 05:36:25 AM EST
and some even had those urban assault vehicles known as the TravelAll. I think they could seat nine burly man comfortably.


[ Parent ]
That's really something. by muchagecko (4.00 / 1) #5 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 05:36:29 AM EST
Stepdads - you love to hate them. Are they always tough on their stepkids?

At least you got a cabin out of the experience.

The only people to get even with are those that have helped you.

I think by blixco (4.00 / 1) #8 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 07:16:01 AM EST
that it is tough because of the role and all of the emotions involved.  And as a society, we expect these strangers to become caring members of the household just because they sleep with mom.

It's all too much.  Some guys are good at it.  My dad was an excellent stepdad, and even though he divorced his last wife her daughters still have him in their lives, he still goes to their houses for dinner, they still call him dad.  He was flexible enough to allow them into his heart without trying to change their views and feelings.

Contrast that with my stepfather, who was inflexible and had no need for emotional ties.

It's never an easy thing.  I think we expect too much.
---------------------------------
I accidentally had a conversation in italian at lunchtime. I don't speak italian. - Merekat

[ Parent ]
Hmmmmm by Phage (4.00 / 2) #6 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 06:37:57 AM EST
As a step-dad myself I found myself sucked into that story. Double viewpoint...
Neither of you did too bad a job. Could have been a lot worse.

It could have been by blixco (2.00 / 0) #7 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 07:12:24 AM EST
a hell of a lot worse.  Now, on the negative side, the guy did end up being really abusive.  But a lot of that is understandable, and there were times of complex lessons that I am only now starting to appreciate.

I dunno.  It was a terribly complex relationship, and one that neither of us wishes to explore.  He's always been a stern, rough guy with a really surprising heart.  In some ways I would not have done it any other way.  He was a HUGE part of my life, looms large even today...I hear his name, or that voice, and I get weak and worried.  I relate his presence to fear, on the surface of it.

But deeper examination is required, ya know?  I understand better his motives now, and his personality.  His ego, his selfishness.  Until then the adults in my life had been willing to help the kids in the family with whatever they needed, and they were available and open and loving.  This guy wasn't.  He'd had his kids.  His role of father was complete.  So my existence was a strange, strained thing.

Ultimately it's like anything else.  I have a lot of steel in my spirit from him.  I stand up for myself.  I don't back down when challenged.  I complete my tasks, and complete them well.  On the negative side, I have a temper and a fear about things that is surprising.  I have almost no relationship with my mother.

Last year they were in San Antonio for a dog show.  We had dinner with them and somehow the subject of raising kids came up.  My stepfather exclaimed "I'm proud to say that I never had to raise my hand to these boys (indicating my brother and I).  Had to raise my voice plenty of times...."  I just looked at my wife, and she looked at me, and I stopped hearing the rest of the evening.  Never raised his hand to me?

Maybe it was the 2x4 that confused him.

Whatever.  If it helps him sleep at night, then good.

So you see, it's so much of a dichotomy...the way he supported us, helped us learn hard lessons, but at the same time was a jerk....

Like most things family, it's a knot of light and dark.
---------------------------------
I accidentally had a conversation in italian at lunchtime. I don't speak italian. - Merekat

[ Parent ]
never had to by Merekat (4.00 / 1) #15 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 12:14:09 PM EST
Just wanted to and that was enough?

[ Parent ]
Him? by blixco (2.00 / 0) #16 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 01:51:49 PM EST
He did.  Many times.   He doesn't admit to it.  It was while he was taking Halcyon to help him sleep.  Made him psychotic.

Or were you speaking of you?

Or am I terribly confused?
---------------------------------
I accidentally had a conversation in italian at lunchtime. I don't speak italian. - Merekat

[ Parent ]
him by Merekat (4.00 / 1) #18 Tue Mar 20, 2007 at 01:01:58 AM EST
I was wondering if he did it despite not having to but your comment clarifies it.

Actually, building on your comment, in a way, that might be an oblique apology he is trying to make. My mother beat the crap out of me with a pepper shaker while on unsuitable medication once. She never forgave herself once she'd been told what she'd done.

[ Parent ]
Oblique apologies. by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #22 Tue Mar 20, 2007 at 07:02:01 AM EST
Almost always turn out as being denials or justifications. I hates them.

But then again, I'm barely in the position of having needed them.

[ Parent ]
Good quote by Phage (4.00 / 1) #17 Tue Mar 20, 2007 at 12:31:20 AM EST
I am always jealous of those people who seem to have so little dark in their lives. How do they manage it ?
Having lived the life I already have, I find it very hard to imagine how I would have reacted in your place. His mind set I get immediately - I've met many people like that, almost 2D. I wonder of it's a form of fear-reaction.

[ Parent ]
Funny. All my step-kids act like your step-dad. by greyrat (4.00 / 2) #9 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 07:31:19 AM EST
I'm all for a fun family unit and they're all:

"Fuck you! We don't need you. Don't show any emotions toward us (so we can hate you forever for ruining our family -- even if you did save our mom from being eventually beaten to death by our real dad). And work hard so that we can have a nice house to live in, and food, and heat, and stuff on the weeks we're staying with our mom." Just remember, you're expendable, step-dad, after you help defray our mom's expenses in getting us through college...

I believe it. by blixco (4.00 / 1) #13 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 07:59:44 AM EST
I was the same, in many ways.

It's not easy for any of the parties involved, but kids get to be jerks and get away with it normally.
---------------------------------
I accidentally had a conversation in italian at lunchtime. I don't speak italian. - Merekat

[ Parent ]
Oh Yes... by Phage (2.00 / 0) #19 Tue Mar 20, 2007 at 02:30:44 AM EST
I'll put up with that shit for so long. Probably until they're 16. Then it's the manners lesson.
I provide all of this. You STFU - or leave.

I am quite capable of pulling that trigger.

[ Parent ]
Orly? Good luck with that. by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #20 Tue Mar 20, 2007 at 02:39:07 AM EST
Our eldest are 20 and 22 year old boys. They're still great, whiny crybabies when they have dirty clothes or a broken car (that they 'own' but can't afford to insure or maintain). But if they want to do something like buy a motorcycle or disappear for days and not tell anyone, then they're "...grown adults that can do whatever they want and take care of themselves" -- NOT.

I don't think they're moving out any time soon. I'd have to call the cops to do it and I don't think that they (the police) will be interested in getting involved.

[ Parent ]
Heh by Phage (4.00 / 1) #21 Tue Mar 20, 2007 at 03:07:29 AM EST
I'm not suggesting that they move out. I'm suggesting that you move out from underneath them. It's your mortgage. You don't actually owe them anything at that age. Why do you think you do ?

If they are all grown up, you won't be needing that big house, will you ?

[ Parent ]
Heh. I've actually thought of the a few times by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #23 Tue Mar 20, 2007 at 07:16:52 AM EST
recently, as one of msrat's favorite melt-down themes is "Let's just chuck it all and move apart from each other". And she has no real equity in the house (except that as a married couple half of my stuff is hers). However the housing market, the condition of the house, and the amount we (meaning I) currently have invested in it will make it a hard thing to sell.

But I'm thinking about it...

[ Parent ]
Melt down themes by Phage (2.00 / 0) #24 Tue Mar 20, 2007 at 07:54:38 AM EST
Sooooo familiar. They are of course, blackmail.
Next time she says that, agree with her.
Communication is key to a relationship. So, tell her the consequences of those melt downs.

We both know that we can put up with smart-arse ungrateful kids if you feel that someone appreciates and supports you. They're not the real issue. If your needs are not being addressed (no...not those needs particularly) then you have the right to pursue happiness. If that is elsewhere, then that's where you have to go.

[ Parent ]
So, you've got $400US you can send once a month by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #25 Tue Mar 20, 2007 at 09:03:43 AM EST
when I execute the plan we both know I want to execute? I'll only need that kind or support for six months -- a year tops.

[ Parent ]
Is that rent ? by Phage (2.00 / 0) #28 Tue Mar 20, 2007 at 11:25:23 PM EST
Is there no way around the extra expense ?
Can you squirrel away $2400 over time ?
Can you borrow the money against the sale of the house, or stay with friends ?

You're right I can't afford it, but I don't have enough info to say whether you can. I don't know what your income is against your committments. Mortgage - Change to interest only whilst the sale is going through ?
Rent - Stay with friends ?
Car - Can it be downgraded ?
Groceries - Pretty fixed, but smaler for one person.
Utilities - Smaller for one ?
Entertainment - You'll need some sort of escape.

I'm happy to help with support and budgeting. But I'm sure that you can do much of that yourself. $400 doesn't seem to be insurmountable.

[ Parent ]
I want your job if you can squirrel away $400 by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #29 Wed Mar 21, 2007 at 02:40:48 AM EST
a month while supporting at least yourself, your ex (required by law) your kids (required by society), and the lawyer(s) (required to keep just the jugular cut and not the carotid as well) necessary to get out of this morass.

And people wonder why I think death is a practical alternative...

[ Parent ]
Just trying to juggle the numbers. by Phage (2.00 / 0) #30 Wed Mar 21, 2007 at 07:12:00 AM EST
Is there not some way of putting any spare cash aside for future use.
But my trick was moving to the UK. The FX rate means that my payments to the Ex in GBP are X 2.4 when they get it.

[ Parent ]
No juggling for me -- It's spinning plates instead by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #31 Wed Mar 21, 2007 at 07:19:10 AM EST
I'm with you on this, and I'm working it, but probably too slowly to make a difference -- meaning the kids'll probably all be gone by the time I can take action. Of course, if that's the case, msrat will get just what she dreaded, being old(er) and alone. Heh. Time will tell...

And I'd love to land a job in the UK or Yerp too. I just don't see it happening.

[ Parent ]
Depends on the employer by Phage (2.00 / 0) #32 Wed Mar 21, 2007 at 07:26:18 AM EST
If your employer is international, you could express an interest in an overseas posting for a year or two...

[ Parent ]
You know, you *can* evict them. by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #26 Tue Mar 20, 2007 at 09:46:28 AM EST
In fact, at that age, you'll need to do it formally.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
You just want to by greyrat (4.00 / 1) #27 Tue Mar 20, 2007 at 10:26:39 AM EST
video tape the shitstorm that would result from me taking that action.

[ Parent ]
I'm not very handy with a compass, but by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #10 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 07:51:32 AM EST
shouldn't that be "far far east Texas"?

Also, re: drywall @ 9 -- My old man made me build his cabin, so I understand where the crazy comes from.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

Nope. by blixco (2.00 / 0) #11 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 07:58:21 AM EST
She lived in New Orleans, LA and El Paso, TX.
---------------------------------
I accidentally had a conversation in italian at lunchtime. I don't speak italian. - Merekat
[ Parent ]
Simultaneously? by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #12 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 07:59:19 AM EST

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
Damn near. by blixco (4.00 / 1) #14 Mon Mar 19, 2007 at 08:01:23 AM EST
Born + young childhood + summers in New Orleans, school days + full time after Catholic High School in El Paso.

So, yeah.  Sort of both at the same time.
---------------------------------
I accidentally had a conversation in italian at lunchtime. I don't speak italian. - Merekat

[ Parent ]