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Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders Fields.
I have lived at least four different lives in California - the life of the miserable social outcast, the life of the arrogant nerd desperate to escape from home, the life of the socially awkward stoner computer programmer, the life of the moderately successful married computer programmer-cum-law-student. (In a different telling, these lives could stretch out to six, or maybe even seven, but I can’t shrink them to fewer than four).
My life in California is ending at the end of this month. I’ll be back to visit, but visiting is never the same, and distance changes even the strongest love (even if the connection remains strong, it is different, twisted somehow, and bears the marks of distance and the fact that your paths have diverged and that you are now at the same time both strangers and friends, bonded by an ancient glue which is no longer being nourished and renewed). It’s possible I’ll be back to live - today, I’d say I want to; my tribe is here, my friends and family, most of the people I love. But five years is a long time, and who can say what I will want in five years - and, who can say whether my tribe will still exist in five years to come home to? It cannot be counted on, it cannot be expected; it cannot, in some sense, even be hoped for. If I were to come back, I would be starting yet another new life, with shared scenery and some shared friends, I would not be resuming the life I have today. That life is over.
It's from Neil Gaiman's poem "Instructions," which is about what you should do should you find yourself in a fairy tale. It was turned into a children's book, illustrated by Charles Vess, and I bought copies for my two nephews. As of Friday, I have these lines tattooed on my upper left arm.
Update: Pictures of the tattoos are here.
I have stories I want to tell -- more of that memoir, creative non-fiction stuff I write -- but for now, I just have the time and energy to write about moments I don't want to forget.
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Getting there…
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Thursday December 22nd
- To those that give (8 comments)
Thursday November 10th
- In Memoriam (9 comments)
Tuesday August 23rd
- Eight days (30 comments)
Saturday August 13th
- Thoughts on the riots (25 comments)
Monday August 1st
- On the way between there and here. (6 comments)
Wednesday July 6th
- So where was I? (12 comments)
Friday July 1st
- Automatic Asshole Correction (15 comments)
Sunday May 22nd
- We owe it to each other to tell stories. (10 comments)
Monday May 9th
- There was, once. (21 comments)
Wednesday April 27th
- Another good moment (10 comments)