Print Story I received a gift the other day, and I'm not sure how to explain it.
Diary
By ObviousTroll (Thu Feb 07, 2019 at 08:20:44 AM EST) (all tags)
An audio book showed up in my feed, and I didn't remember ordering it. 


I certainly hadn't paid for it, I only get 1 book a month, but Audible has been letting people get free books each month so I assume I selected it that way although I honestly can't recall doing it. Certainly, looking at my phone it didn't sound like anything I'd be interested in reading - "The Man on the Mountaintop", highly abridged, compressed down from 2 books to only 8 chapters, something something about an old holy man and the people who come to visit him. Honestly, it sounded like it was the sort of drama of the kind I really don't care for.

But... I figured I must have chosen it for a reason - maybe it was a comedy, the kind of thing Terry Pratchett wrote.

Well, there was certainly humor in it. Also tears. But mostly there was teaching. A lot of reminders about who we are and the nature of holiness. I saw myself, I saw others, I saw characters that I sometimes imagined myself to be, but mostly I saw kindness.

If you're seeking a little unexpected enlightenment. I don't think I can recommend it highly enough.

I'm starting to work on a letter to the little lost lamb; to try and explain my hopes and my fears for this fragile connection we share. It's probably going to take a long time to write; to try and express myself clearly but without being overbearing.

That's okay, it will be ready when it's ready.

One of the reasons the book hit me so hard was because our division had an all-hands meeting. During the meeting my team (by which I really mean “I”) fully expected to win an award for the work we’ve (I’ve) done over the past year – as a sort of consolation prize for the project being cancelled.

We did not – but several co-workers were recognized for what seemed, to me, to be much smaller efforts. (Admittedly, one group was recognized for some spectacular work on their part - easily comparable to my own, uh, I mean, our own...)

I started rationalizing about it, about how I had a right to be angry and annoyed “on behalf” of my teammates on the cancelled project, but the truth is, it’s just me being jealous and resentful. They asked me for a fucking miracle, and I fucking well pulled it off, didn't I? I took a task that was easily expected to take 90 minutes and reduced it to less than 5. A real-world measured improvement of 2700%! I mentored and managed and doled out work to other coders, letting them share in the glory instead of hording it all to myself! And then, and then, and then they cancel the whole project, without even an acknowledgement?!? And now they're bidding to buy the company that has been my team's only competitor for the past 18 years!?!

MOTHER FUCKER!

Heh. Then I recognized myself as one of the characters in that book. (Well, two of them, or maybe two-and-a-half, you know what I mean...)

Once I recognized what an ass I was being, I started letting it go, to accept what is without complaint or resentment. I won’t claim I’ve completely done so (or that I’ve abandoned the slim hope that our/my work has actually been kicked further upstairs for possible recognition at a higher level) but at least I understand why I’m upset - and I didn't go break into the beer or SWHTL's secret stash of of candy because "I deserved it".

The combination of a limited amount of work and my recent upgrades to my basement computers have created an opening and I’ve decided to take the opportunity to learn another computer language – my employer provides in-house educational tools, so why not make use of them?

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I received a gift the other day, and I'm not sure how to explain it. | 1 comment (1 topical, 0 hidden)
Sounds like a positive move by hulver (4.00 / 2) #1 Thu Feb 07, 2019 at 10:25:42 AM EST
I struggle to let stuff like that go as well.
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Cheese is not a hat. - clock
I received a gift the other day, and I'm not sure how to explain it. | 1 comment (1 topical, 0 hidden)