Print Story My daughter is 10
Wizards and Hobbits
By debacle (Mon Sep 10, 2018 at 03:27:41 PM EST) (all tags)
There is no "Parenting" topic in Scoop. A lack of planning. As a breeder, I take offense. I recommend this image for the topic.

This was originally a reponse to a comment on another diary, and then it got long. Maybe some of you with older children will have advice.

I don't generally like posting diaries here. There's a certain comfort to the shadowy ephemerality of The Hole. I think this will have been my first diary entry in some time.

This makes me feel vulnerable.

She's brilliant. Scary brilliant. She's shackled by public school but I don't know how to get her out of that. She's shackled by her friend group and I don't know how tell her that some people have trouble finding friends they like and get along with.

Already, I can tell she's going to struggle with depression her whole life. In both of my kids, I've tried to create the scaffolding for good mental health. There are a lot of days where she cries for no reason. We talk about what it means to not know why you're sad, or how to make sure that if you're angry you know why. We talk about how having dreams can be frustrating, and why you sometimes need to make yourself do the things your mind is telling you don't matter. Sometimes I tell her she's being a crybaby. Sometimes I hold her while she cries about the stupidest thing. Sometimes I cry too, and I can't tell her why.

It's terrifying. I feel like I'm teaching her a dark art. Shackling demons. In a few years she'll understand that my family's chosen remedy for depression is alcohol. She'll have to try and find a way to preserve her self worth in a way I haven't. If she's lucky, she'll find someone who protects the weak parts of her, and grows the strong parts. If she's not, who knows.


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My daughter is 10 | 7 comments (7 topical, 0 hidden)
Paving the way by LoppEar (4.00 / 2) #1 Mon Sep 10, 2018 at 04:06:51 PM EST
I mean, I don't know anything yet, got all the same wishes and worries in our future here, and we'll get there and get into it. You sound like you're doing it as well as I can hope for from here.


Buckle up by Phil the Canuck (4.00 / 2) #2 Mon Sep 10, 2018 at 07:37:58 PM EST
Middle school is a fucking jungle. 

Parenting-wise, you do your best to raise decent humans and hope the world doesn't run them over too many times. 

Oh god yes by iGrrrl (4.00 / 1) #4 Mon Sep 10, 2018 at 08:40:11 PM EST
Worst years of my kids' lives.

"Beautiful wine, talking of scattered everythings"
(and thanks to Scrymarch)

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vulnarable by dev trash (4.00 / 1) #3 Mon Sep 10, 2018 at 08:04:19 PM EST
So say we all.

thank you for being vulnerable. by aphrael (4.00 / 1) #5 Sat Sep 15, 2018 at 03:58:14 AM EST
and congratulations on working on the scaffolding for mental health. :)
If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.
Is there a "gifted program"? by wumpus (4.00 / 1) #6 Sun Sep 16, 2018 at 02:53:00 PM EST
The school system I went to had a "gifted program". To get in you had to be recommended by the teachers and either a model student or rich enough to put your kid in private school if you don't get in. It turns out there was a test you could demand (the test they'll give you on their own won't help. Ace it and they'll say that your failure in class compared to the test is due to a learning disability) that will put you in the "gifted program" (and it is scaled so the rich kids can sail in. But demand it and expect the school system to be outraged that you are abusing a system "what if everybody demanded they take it and we were forced to teach the children?").

The only way I knew about it was a mother of a disabled (Down's syndrome) had learned every trick to "fighting the system for her kids" and found out about it and got her daughter in the gifted program. The internet might make such things harder to hide, but I'd still recommend looking for them.


There is by debacle (2.00 / 0) #7 Mon Sep 17, 2018 at 08:56:07 AM EST
But it's only a few hours a week.


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My daughter is 10 | 7 comments (7 topical, 0 hidden)