Print Story Change is Inevitable
Marriage
By Gedvondur (Wed Apr 26, 2017 at 10:05:49 PM EST) marriage, change, moving, NEVADA, Sin City (all tags)
Ever few years, I feel change in the air. Here it comes again. I’m gonna be able to see a doctor every day.



Late last summer my wife, Weetabix, and I were discussing the state of our jobs, careers and lives. She was working for a startup. I was and am working in communications for a big tech company. She had also been teaching night classes at one of the local private colleges for a few years. She really liked it, really liked talking with students, really liked the experience of teaching at that level. But as a career, it was not going to work out. Adjunct educators in higher education pretty much make less than shift managers at Starbucks on a full-time basis.

So we decided that she should get her PHD. I don’t have a degree - I’m stuck doing what I’m good at and what I can get paid for. I do pretty well, but I have zero flexibility. She should at least be able to do a job she likes, even if I can’t. Plus, it’s not like I work in a coal mine. I don’t like my job, but it’s not terribly difficult and it pays well. So off in the mail went applications to colleges and universities to get her Masters degree upgraded to a Doctorate. We figured it would take a bit to get in, we needed an arrangement where they’d pay for the education in exchange for teaching or grants or however it could be worked out. We also figured that her alma-mater for her Masters would be the most likely candidate. Plus, it's a two-hour drive away. But just to be safe, she applied to over a half dozen schools.

We got a few rejections - it was disappointing for her. She got accepted to her alma mater, but…..no financial help and little prospect for it. Then we got an email. It was from one of her long-shot schools in Las Vegas, Nevada. A full fellowship. Full ride, plus pay. They take exactly one PHD student a *year* for this program. It’s a three year program at a special institute within the university. It’s a real honor to get selected. They are enthusiastic to get Weetabix into the program.

Suddenly, we were discussing Nevada, where she’d live, how we’d manage it, the whole shebang. We talked for about two weeks when she finally confronted me. Why wasn’t I going to move out there with her? To be honest, I just hadn’t been thinking about it that way. I’ve lived in the same 50 mile radius (more or less) my entire life. My parents are in their late 60s and early 70s, respectively. My entire social circle, outside of you imaginary internet people, are here. It kind of rocked me back on my heels.

But not why you’d think. The thing that I found to be an embarrassing and thoughtless act was the idea that I hadn’t even *considered* moving to Las Vegas. It just did not compute. Worse yet, I had not thought about what moving there by herself, with no support system would do to her. I completely and utterly failed to recognize her worries and difficulties while patting myself on the back for being a good husband and supporting her in the pursuit of an advanced degree. I was gonna take care of the house and our pets and make the summers when she was home the best.

Clearly I’m the biggest idiot that ever walked the land. Fortunately for me, my wife is not only a more understanding person than I am, but she clearly has a strong capacity to put up with unthinking stupidity. We talked about it, discussed things, and I apologised for being so damnably blind and missing what she and everyone else could see, that I needed to move with her. I work from home, and I’ll *actually* be closer to the main offices in Silicon Valley than I am now.

So we are selling the house and moving to Nevada. Change has come again and it will be good for me to have lived somewhere else. We are going to come back to Wisconsin, my parents are getting older and I’m an only child. But for the near future, Nevada will be our home. We move in August and I am excited and more than a little bit scared.
 
< My mom got remarried at the start of the month | Staying in place >
Change is Inevitable | 25 comments (25 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
I loved that last paragraph by ambrosen (4.00 / 2) #1 Thu Apr 27, 2017 at 04:02:33 AM EST
Good stuff. Good choice. Hope Las Vegas isn't too, well, Vegas.

I hope not too by Gedvondur (2.00 / 0) #7 Thu Apr 27, 2017 at 09:52:38 AM EST
We are not going to live anywhere near UNLV. Or the strip for that matter.  We will be out in Henderson or Summerlin.


[ Parent ]
I love Las Vegas by kwsNI (2.00 / 0) #19 Mon May 01, 2017 at 07:50:57 AM EST
Just not the "Vegas" part. There are so many fun things to do in the area, particularly if you like the outdoors. Lots of great camping and hiking, though summers will feel brutal and you won't start acclimating until the 3 years are up.

[ Parent ]
Exciting news! by ana (4.00 / 1) #2 Thu Apr 27, 2017 at 06:42:17 AM EST
Best of luck with the move, the studies, the settling in, in a new place.

Or get rabies. Also don't do that. --scrymarch

Thank you by Gedvondur (2.00 / 0) #6 Thu Apr 27, 2017 at 09:51:57 AM EST
I am dreading the work that has to come before that, but still.


[ Parent ]
Someone had to say it... by clover kicker (4.00 / 1) #3 Thu Apr 27, 2017 at 07:38:45 AM EST
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OZ6VN620VU

Nevada by anonimouse (4.00 / 1) #4 Thu Apr 27, 2017 at 08:38:31 AM EST
Isn't there nothing but desert, coyotes and Vegas there? 

Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
Heh, well maybe. by Gedvondur (2.00 / 0) #5 Thu Apr 27, 2017 at 09:50:28 AM EST
There is a world-class airport and dining that can only be rivaled in New York or LA, so there is that.

Plus literally *millions* of degenerate gamblers coming to the city.


[ Parent ]
Aliens and flying saucers, too by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #8 Thu Apr 27, 2017 at 09:59:13 AM EST
Just don't get too close to Area 51.


[ Parent ]
the desert is gorgeous by aphrael (4.00 / 1) #10 Thu Apr 27, 2017 at 01:19:35 PM EST
it's also driving distance to LA for long weekends and what-not.
If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.
[ Parent ]
congratulations! by aphrael (4.00 / 1) #9 Thu Apr 27, 2017 at 01:18:56 PM EST
may your new life in Nevada be fantastic, and best of luck with the building-a-new-social-network thing. :)

One word of warning: in a program that small, there's a real risk that there simply aren't enough people in the program to form a real social support network through school. Jared definitely ran into this (he was one of two in his program his year). That puts a real premium on finding alternative socialization options --- and since you're working from home, you can't rely on work to do it for you.

It's hard, but it can be done. :)

If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.

We will figure it out by Gedvondur (2.00 / 0) #11 Thu Apr 27, 2017 at 08:31:09 PM EST
I'm more social than I give myself credit for.  After a fall/early winter hibernation period to get used to the new digs, I'll find something.  I'm going to start an on-line RPG, that's for sure.  Roll20 based.  Maybe Traveller...not sure yet.



[ Parent ]
For the wife, too by ana (4.00 / 1) #12 Thu Apr 27, 2017 at 08:39:50 PM EST
... of course. Perhaps she can network with grad students in other, related, programs.

It's been joked that Depression is a required course in any PhD program, and that's not far wrong... There's so much opportunity to realize you're not good enough, but maybe you are clever enough to compensate somehow. Everybody has to make it up for themselves as they go along. Support is key.

Or get rabies. Also don't do that. --scrymarch

[ Parent ]
I don't generally go to Vegas by aphrael (2.00 / 0) #14 Fri Apr 28, 2017 at 02:38:48 PM EST
because the casino industry strikes me as being a cancer preying on the American public, AND i'd love to come out next winter and say hi (possibly as part of a visiting-desert-parks trip or something). :)

There's also a chance i'll go to life is beautiful or edc some year.
If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.

[ Parent ]
Good luck! by MillMan (4.00 / 1) #13 Thu Apr 27, 2017 at 11:04:17 PM EST
Vegas is a fine city and a great base for exploring the southwest / California.

"Just as there are no atheists in foxholes, there are no libertarians in financial crises." -Krugman

Vegas in the summer is hell by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #15 Fri Apr 28, 2017 at 05:21:35 PM EST
Mid June through August it's 110 in the shade, and there ain't no shade. The rest of the year it's lovely. Zion National Park is a couple hours away, and to really beat the heat Brian Head, at 10000 feet elevation, is only an hour or so further. Great skiing there, too.

I'm flying in to Vegas in late June when I go out to visit Dad in southern Utah.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

Well by Gedvondur (4.00 / 1) #21 Mon May 01, 2017 at 09:43:00 AM EST
If you are ever there after August, look me up, we can go get a rootbeer!


[ Parent ]
also nearby by aphrael (2.00 / 0) #24 Thu May 04, 2017 at 02:51:12 PM EST
the grand canyon and death valley. and, arguably, bryce canyon and chaco canyon.

if you've never been to chaco canyon, dude, you got to go.
If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.

[ Parent ]
Bryce would be a long drive. by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #25 Fri May 05, 2017 at 08:44:33 AM EST
5 hours each way. Really better to make a weekend of it, and maybe hit Toroweap overlook on the way back.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
You will not regret leaving your comfort zone. by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #16 Sat Apr 29, 2017 at 03:36:01 AM EST
Good luck!

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

congrats by gzt (4.00 / 1) #17 Sat Apr 29, 2017 at 02:59:22 PM EST
bon courage, as the french say.

Fantastic change by LoppEar (4.00 / 1) #18 Sun Apr 30, 2017 at 08:04:51 AM EST
I have no opinion on LV, but I'm super excited for you and W! Explore, learn, make new friends and new plans. Super excited!


Heh, thanks! by Gedvondur (2.00 / 0) #20 Mon May 01, 2017 at 09:42:07 AM EST
I need to get past the hard part which is sorting, packing, storing and leaving. 

I've got my eye on a few things to try while I'm out there.  There is an actual maker club there, I may dabble.


[ Parent ]
Go you! by iGrrrl (4.00 / 1) #22 Wed May 03, 2017 at 10:03:51 PM EST
I hope it all goes swimmingly!

"Beautiful wine, talking of scattered everythings"
(and thanks to Scrymarch)

Heh, thanks! by Gedvondur (2.00 / 0) #23 Thu May 04, 2017 at 10:12:19 AM EST
I appreciate it!


[ Parent ]
Change is Inevitable | 25 comments (25 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback