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Diary
By yankeehack (Tue Jun 21, 2016 at 03:54:47 AM EST) (all tags)
High School, Nostalgia, and New Jersey

It is late at night and I am going to try to write this.



I should start with...I don't cry that much.

Almost two weeks ago, LO graduated from high school. It was a denouement of sorts, what with months of emails and Facebook messages from fellow parents about upcoming activities, parties and deadlines for things. I was at the point where I numbed by the hyperventilating parents and numb about the hullabaloo. Aside from the end of year sport banquet - which felt like graduation more than anything else - LO was pretty numb too. She didn't even bother to get her ($90! WTF!) yearbook signed.

Graduation day was chilly for June and windy. My parents ran super late because their power went out. My siblings were attending, but for one reason or another didn't travel with my parents so I had to wait for them. Anyway, we could only find a crap parking spot and had to walk fast to make it into the basketball arena in time. My Mom was a little winded from the exercise as we went up into the nosebleed seats. We were settled and my Mom cried a bit when the graduates walked in - I was worried she was hurt, but she just said her emotions got to her. My siblings then arrived, but my brother and sister in law had to go take the littlest niece and nephew for a walk as they could not sit for long. The ceremony was long-winded and self-important and the administrators were all too happy to celebrate the valedictorian and student government, and neglected everyone else. I was not impressed. The only good part was that since we were in the nosebleeds with the rest of the social pariahs, we could stand up and yell for LO when her name was called. (LO was tickled by that, actually.)

After the ceremony, we ran into ex and his family as they were there. I ran into my former mother in law in the bathroom as I was accompanying my mom. I should mention that ex made a big deal about LO seeing him in the days prior and he only gave her a $200 gift card to Target as her gift. He is not paying one fucking cent for college, but I STRONGLY suspect his parents don't know that. I shit you not.

Getting outside the arena was difficult as people milled and LO ran into ex and his family first. I had to call her a few times to come and see us as my siblings and their little kids needed to leave. LO then came to see me and my family, and lo and behold, Fucky McFuckface was with her. They are apparently back together. We took pictures and my parents went to my place afterwards. LO and I chatted with them until midnight as they didn't want to go out for dinner. After they left, LO and I went to the diner for a very late meal.

A few days after graduation (and hanging at McFuckface's house before he left for a job at a very remote summer camp) LO went with her girlfriends to Senior Week down in Ocean City, Maryland. LO and her $sport teammates had a long week with many stories (boys, getting kicked out of a party held by the "popular" kids, getting invited to parties held by seniors from other schools, etc.) LO said she had no desire to go back to OCMD ever due to the incessant catcalling and shitty landlord, but the girls were complimented for their maturity several times by vacationing adults. As LO said, "We were not that crazy!" I think the teammates appreciated the one last stand together before they go their separate ways.

LO also was thankful that she avoided the one beach house with her two crazy girlfriends and their 6 other crazy friends, as those girls were cited at some ill-advised party held blocks away. I should mention that one of the girls cited was the SAME DAUGHTER OF THE SPORTS CLUB LEADER WHO WAS CITED ON PROM NIGHT. (So hahaha, insecure, gossipy woman who directly made my life uncomfortable these past few years...once is a childish mistake, twice is a fucking parenting fail.)

I spent the week LO was gone decompressing from it all. There were a lot of emotions for me to process.

LO has been back from the beach for a few days and is now looking for a job since she doesn't leave for school for another two months. She also needs spending money. It's going to be a long 8 weeks with LO impatiently waiting for the next chapter to start.

...

The job situation has improved somewhat and I'm starting a consulting gig next week. Very long story short, when the startup was failing last fall, I reconnected with a salesguy we tried to recruit earlier. He was also looking for a job. A few weeks ago, he contacted me asking if I was still looking. As it turns out, he now has a gig with a software company based in NJ and wants to bring me on as a consultant for marketing as they are still fundraising. The company is located in a worn office building two miles from my old college dorm, which is equal parts wondrous and odd for me. I was up there just before LO's graduation interviewing with the executive team and it felt like home. Maybe I am just a jersey girl after all.

Aside from the fundraising issues, there are some cultural issues with grafting sales onto a smart but curmudgeonly developer driven, software based org. I am so nerdy, the technical guys seemed to like me. The one concern I have is that the existing sales/biz dev guy is very obviously worried he's going to lose his job. He's also in the process of moving his family from India. I was told he was definitely staying, and I could work with him, but who knows what shit he might pull to save what he thinks his job should be. I did get a lot of "he doesn't know what you know yankeehack" from the exec team. At least, he will need to be managed.

It doesn't look like I will need to move to Jersey as the salesguy who is bringing me in lives near me, but I almost want to keep my options open. We'll see.

...

The other piece of Jersey news is that one of my high school classmates killed himself this past weekend. He is the first of our class to die, and was part of the same social group. It is deeply shocking and sad. I haven't seen him in 20 odd years, but we kept in touch via FB for a while. He was a good guy, kind of a troublemaker when young as his home life was hard, but he straightened out. His last few years were tumultuous - two young kids, stressful divorce, new girlfriend, then pics all over FB about the new girlfriend. He married the new girl a few months ago, but by then we had been unfriended. (I checked his FB and he had unfriended nearly everyone we knew - except for three mutual friends - I couldn't tell you when or why.) According to her posts, she didn't suspect anything. He sent her flowers and a note the night before saying he wanted to be with her forever.

I grew up with him. He was a good person. A part of the tribe is now gone. That's all I have.

Update [2016-6-21 14:57:17 by yankeehack]: Got a whiff of the dysfunctional family situation this morning, which I had totally forgotten about. (Back in the 90s we would call it merely a "dysfunctional family" because dad had finally left and the beatings stopped. I remember his younger brother talking about it.) Let's just put it this way, today there's no nobel laureates or workers in the financial district or even state college grads in that family.

To be fair, this family in particular is a multi-generational, mired in the working class (at best) edge case for the affluent town we grew up in.

...

Somewhat relatedly, I nearly went into a 25+ year overdue rage over a passive-aggressive socially awkward dude who anointed himself a gatekeeper of the larger social group. When I was in high school, he was the weird dude who had long graduated, but hung out at the high school because he was friends with the teacher who ran the department. That dude who would help out at everything to be useful, and would mysteriously hint about secrets he couldn't tell you.

Fast forward to today, where he never left the area, doesn't have a family, and works some sort of shitty dead end job. He still will hang out with the younger high school friends (he had a preferred group) and act as an uncle to their kids, but he complains that everyone has gotten busy.

Of course he's an FB group admin for the alumni group. And you have to be connected with him on FB to learn any news. He deleted my post (even though someone else approved it) - it was a link to a news article - and then he had to post his own thoughts.

If people weren't fucking openly grieving, I'd fucking go after him for deleting the link. Most of us aren't living in the area and people from different classes are not necessarily connected as friends on FB. Who the fuck has time to look for news if they don't know?

But anyway...now I'm annoyed again and frustrated...funny how high school stirs up these dormant feelings.

< If you remember the 1860s you weren't there | It's been so long since I've written a diary >
Three words | 21 comments (21 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Senior Week down in Ocean City, Maryland by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #1 Tue Jun 21, 2016 at 06:31:54 AM EST
"Come on vacation, leave on probation"

AA group I'm in used to rent houses there, well, in Ocean Pines, every summer until a few years ago. OC isn't as bad the rest of the year. The Boardwalk is much more family friendly after Beach Week, and there's even less catcalling/idiocy the further away you get. We all hung out at 59th St during the day, which was pretty chill.

My job situation is still, well, slow. Kinda-sorta vaguely looking for work, talking to recruiters a couple times a week. But nothing firm on new places yet. Good luck in Joisey!

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

Haaaah by yankeehack (2.00 / 0) #2 Tue Jun 21, 2016 at 10:13:45 AM EST
I forgot to mention that a few days before Senior Week, LO was invited by her Jewish BFF's mother to a private "talk" by a high powered Philly attorney about Senior Week. He apparently was recruited by the popular party kids parents. He gave a rundown of what behaviors to avoid (he noted that landlords have the right to inspect and will throw kids out) and gave the "if you run into problems call him." speech. LO said that some of the mothers asked who she was.

As for the party in question - somewhere north of 100th street, at least some of the kids were not drunk or drinking but were cited just for being in the house. (Jewish BFF was one of them, and her Dad is also an attorney.) I'm not sure how that stands up to challenge.

LO stayed around 10th at some apartment house which looked good on paper but the owners lived on premise. They cut corners on security halfway through the week, apparently yelled at the girls for having guests over even though it was ok on their lease, and acted threatening during the hours before checkout. (Trust me, the girls can be annoying but that seems excessive.) The place was not full at all (probably due to the online reviews). It was very cheap though.
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

[ Parent ]
I've never been to OCMD by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #3 Tue Jun 21, 2016 at 11:02:34 AM EST
How does it compare to OCNJ?

Later, I will annoy nearly_twenty_year_old by telling her that the Meyers-Briggs was just updated to include OCMD and OCNJ types, and let her go crazy trying to find out more.


The OCs by yankeehack (2.00 / 0) #4 Tue Jun 21, 2016 at 11:16:52 AM EST
OCNJ: Family friendly dry shore town. Kind of boring.

OCMD: LO was harassed by multiple drunk with beer on breath employees of a boardwalk shop (attempting to) talk her into having her nipples pierced that evening.
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

[ Parent ]
OCMD = Wildwood then by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #5 Tue Jun 21, 2016 at 11:32:15 AM EST



[ Parent ]
Yes by yankeehack (2.00 / 0) #6 Tue Jun 21, 2016 at 11:40:30 AM EST
The reason why these kids did not go to Wildwood for Senior Week is because Philly and suburban kids travel there for post prom, Memorial Day weekend, etc and it was hard to get rentals without an over 21 adult.

This past Memorial Day there were mass citations in Wildwood apparently.
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

[ Parent ]
Gatekeeper is over 21 by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #7 Tue Jun 21, 2016 at 12:02:25 PM EST
and sounds like the sort who would rent places for underage kids, and probably supply them with wine coolers.

He keeps getting older, and high school kids stay the same age.


[ Parent ]
The gatekeeper by yankeehack (2.00 / 0) #8 Tue Jun 21, 2016 at 01:01:53 PM EST
is the gatekeeper of the boosters of the music club - drama and band kids. We didn't drink or do much other than band hookups.

(He had to call himself a booster and align himself with the parents to be able to hang around.)

Watching the convos on Facebook today within that group has been...interesting...no wonder why most of us left.
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

[ Parent ]
Bets time to go to OCMD by dev trash (4.00 / 1) #9 Tue Jun 21, 2016 at 07:35:18 PM EST
Is the weekend after Labor Day.  Still warm and no one is around.  Practically have the beach to yourself.

--
I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR BALLS! ->clock
Note to Self: by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #10 Tue Jun 21, 2016 at 09:49:02 PM EST
Purchase two-hundred and one dollar Target gift card for graduation.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

Simple solution by anonimouse (2.00 / 0) #11 Wed Jun 22, 2016 at 12:07:05 PM EST
 He is not paying one fucking cent for college, but I STRONGLY suspect his parents don't know that.

Informing his parents and then hopefully sitting back and watching the fireworks sounds like a plan.



Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
[ Parent ]
I was thinking about that by yankeehack (2.00 / 0) #16 Thu Jun 23, 2016 at 12:24:54 PM EST
one entire mass email to the family. Or maybe a just a picture of LO and I in her dorm room in a few weeks.

On the other hand, then LO has to deal with him and stepmom. In many ways, that would be worse.

Apparently, when LO was presented with a check from her grandparents during a dinner, her stepmom said something really loud about their "checks going missing from the mail". So I guess that is stepmom's ready excuse if LO brought anything up about the years worth of missing presents. I kid you not.
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

[ Parent ]
I suggest by anonimouse (2.00 / 0) #18 Thu Jun 23, 2016 at 03:10:01 PM EST
It sounds as though LO doesn't get on well with him and stepmom anyway.

I would suggest that dropping the "he doesn't pay" bomb into a conversation with the grandparents would have little negative effect. 

Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
[ Parent ]
my high school 25th is coming up by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #12 Wed Jun 22, 2016 at 03:49:09 PM EST
and some person i don't know, but am told i graduated with, was putting together plans on FB.  i asked if the plans could not be the 2nd weekend in September as many of us live out of town and have small children and that's when all the activities are starting.  I was told "sorry, but the reunions are really only for people who still live in the Dallas area."

i replied "OK, thanks." then removed myself from all related groups.  don't see the point in getting worked up over it.  i'm a little annoyed, tho, as i kind of wanted to go.  i missed the 20th due to post-partum issues.

That's a stupid rule by georgeha (2.00 / 0) #13 Wed Jun 22, 2016 at 03:54:30 PM EST
I had a good time at my 30th, it was on the campus where the oldest would go, so it was one way to get used to spending lots of money there.

Anyhow, a friend arrived from New Mexico IIRC, it was good to see her and I was glad she made the trip. She probably got the record for longest trip.


[ Parent ]
What a jerk by lm (2.00 / 0) #14 Wed Jun 22, 2016 at 04:09:24 PM EST
Seriously. That's just asshattery on their part.

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]
totally by StackyMcRacky (2.00 / 0) #19 Fri Jun 24, 2016 at 08:45:01 AM EST
again, i have no idea who this person is, but a friend said she was in our class.  i'm told said person desperately wanted to be "popular" in high school and she kind of mentally stuck in "high school as glory days."  in the end, it's just sad.

also, "popular" in my school didn't entirely exist, the school was so big (3 grades, more than 750 students/grade) people didn't really know others they weren't in the same classes/clubs with, or hadn't met in jr. high/elementary school.  i sat next to John McG all throughout elementary school (since I'm McC), and the ONLY time I saw him in high school was at graduation where we, yep, had to sit next to one another.

[ Parent ]
At my reunions... by ana (2.00 / 0) #15 Wed Jun 22, 2016 at 06:03:20 PM EST
...it's always fun to see who wins the "person who came from farthest away for this" award.

Or get rabies. Also don't do that. --scrymarch

[ Parent ]
That is pure dickishness by yankeehack (2.00 / 0) #17 Thu Jun 23, 2016 at 12:46:12 PM EST
Some people never leave - either physically or mentally. Last night the gatekeeper was posting about the hometown 4th of July fireworks (he lives in the next town over which has their own fireworks display) I guess because he wanted to "make sure" people knew cough cough.

But to your point, somewhat related to the collective angst about losing our classmate is that our 20th reunion was cancelled due to a threat.

So, until the other classmate who made the threat literally leaves this earth (or is in jail), there won't be an official reunion.
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

[ Parent ]
we've had lots of classmates die by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #20 Fri Jun 24, 2016 at 08:46:34 AM EST
it really sucks and feels weird.  one died just a few months ago, she committed suicide.

but yeah, this chick has not mentally left high school, she thinks it's her glory days.  so sad.

[ Parent ]
When by yankeehack (2.00 / 0) #21 Fri Jun 24, 2016 at 12:07:41 PM EST
LO and her friends were kicked out of the popular kids party during senior week, despite being invited by several others, it was by a girl who is going to modestly popular (if that) regional school.

Me to LO: Look at it this way, this was the one time she'll ever get to throw out people who are going to an Ivy and MIT.
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

[ Parent ]
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