I cycled back onto the sam-e as of Sunday, the first day I could make myself leave the house in 10 days because I really needed to make a supermarket run.
I can take approx 1600mg (400mg at 4x) for two or three days until I flirt with inducing serotonin syndrome. It's less dangerous than St. Johns Wort and good for your joints. I cycled off at 800mg a day at the end of summer because I felt ok. It doesn't make it all go away, but at least I feel more awake.
It's a chemical imbalance. There's more balancing that needs to occur but I don't have the money to find the doctors who can get the right pharmaceuticals at this point. The ambient stress is making it worse.
I keep wondering if exploring nootropics should be my next step.
I have no idea how I am going to keep it together for xmas eve and xmas, otherwise known as 24 hours with my parents. Xmas isn't looking to be too great in the gift department with my budget (I am hesitant to go over $500), but I am hoping to maybe pull off a good xmas eve with a nearly 7 fishes dinner.
There's also the thing about my brother who is planning to drive for 18 hours to Florida to see my little sister...with 3 of his 4 kids the day after Christmas. My disliked sister in law is supposed to be flying down just before new years with the youngest. My brother in law is supposed to be away because of work during the holiday. Something smells though, as I don't get why my brother is traveling with the three kids by himself. My sister hasn't acted distressed towards me, and having the three kids plus her two will just be a pain in the ass for her anyway.
I still have to order gifts for the kids. I am thinking of sending a box of stuff from Amazon to my sister's so the kids can play, do crafts, etc.
There are some communications I haven't made yet wrt LO's financial aid situation because of the slovenly gray feeling. I am hoping that after the New Year will be good enough to meet a late February deadline.
LO has just changed so much during the last few weeks, and I've got an almost high school graduate in my midst. December's always been a benchmark month for her, it's weird. When she was a baby, she learned to walk in December. Her yearly age motor and language milestones were alway met in December, 3 months before her birthday. December has always been her month.
So, LO has been just doing her thing, and actually hanging around with me and her girlfriends these past few weeks. She's stayed in rather than going out on weekends, getting college stuff done.
LO received the annual xmas package from her paternal grandparents and she about lost it when the calendar had her birthday wrong and just one blurry outdated picture of her in the calendar. I told her to forgive her 80 something year old grandparents.
LO: Yes, but at this point don't they know they shouldn't bother?!?
On Sunday night LO went out to the movies and came back with smudged make up and a gingerbread house in tow.
Me: What happened?
LO: Well, we went out on a date to see Star Wars an the hockey boy said that he just wanted to be friends.
LO: I am in my quarter life crisis.
Me: Errr, maybe it's an eighth life crisis?
LO: Whatever, crisis. I don't know what I want to do with my life. Boys! College!
Me: I get it.
LO finally heard from U of the Mass, which accepted her but offered way less money than state of green mountains, so we're still thinking about going down south for college. She's also applying to UNC and another highly regarded southern school for giggles (she's written off the Boston schools at this point as there is way too much competition).
I have a stupid story about how the water sport team sent out emails about the girls who are getting recruited.
LO's hockey team is only charging $150 for the remainder of the use fees as opposed to the $800 I was expecting. It's a xmas miracle.
No news on the new job front. HR everywhere seems to have shut down as of last week.
I did get a check last week, so that means I'm only out one check.
The newest story, I mean excuse, from founder is that he met with $LegendaryVC who is willing to fund a bridge loan for a share of profits, but only if there's a business plan produced.
Founder (during call): But I've only produced financial growth plans, not business plans.
Me (didn't say out loud): WTF dude, this is what we've been asking you about for months. But LOL see if I care this time next month.
I've got two guys sporadically texting me, one guy who hasn't taken the hint that I am not that interested in dating him and another who has offered to bring me flowers once LO has been dropped off at college.
That is all.
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