Print Story Cortez the Killer, Home from South Pole, Dusts Off His Collection of Enya CDs
Diary
By johnny (Wed Sep 24, 2014 at 10:10:09 PM EST) (all tags)
Cortez the Killer, gentle soul, wretched anachronism, 18-time expellee from Alcoholics Anonymous, COBOL Chess Grandmaster, CPA, Brooklyn foodie & urban homesteader, nut job, Myspace & Livejournal devotee, 16th century conquistador of the New Americas, lone survivor of an ill fated assault-zeppelin assault on the headquarters of the Scotland YES campaign, AND New Age guru, recently returned from a six-month stint as Sergeant-at-Arms of the BICEP 2 installation at the South Pole and declared via press release and YouTube video that the so-called Cosmic Microwave Background ("CMB") was "a goddamned bunch of bullshit nonsense," and that furthermore the alleged polarization of light in the CMB, which "scientists" claimed proved the Theory of Cosmic Inflation was in fact caused by Cortez himself, and was nothing more nor less than the interference pattern caused in the BICEP 2 instruments by his sword-dancing on the snow with his 18-pound cutlass, described elsewhere in these diaries. "It was all a prank thought up by them Chandra fellas," he said, slurring his words just a bit.


Cortez, author of “Beyond the Valley of the Flower of Life” and one of the most well-known teachers of the spiritual practice of cutlass-sharpening known as ShuNoo-MerKaBa-OinGo, was trained and certified in 1794 by Melchizedek "The Wise" Chomsky to teach the 17-Breath MerKaBa, Flower of Flower of Cutlas-Life workshop. There are still some openings for his fall workshop, so get your orders in now, spaces are filling up fast, he said through a spokesman.

"But I grow weary, weary," he was heard to say when he thought the microphone was off. "I miss the old crew, the old excitement, the old joy & lust and bloodletting, the old savagery, the old sailing under dripping canvas in leaky wooden vessels, I miss protemplorating with Kellnerin at the helm, Theophile hanging by his toes from the bowsprit, Atreides & Blixco making merry in the foc'sle with the rum flowing from the bung hole. "

"I am tired now," he concluded. "I will put my favorite Enya CD into my portable player, and I will put on my headphone ear-goggles, and I will press Play."

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Cortez the Killer, Home from South Pole, Dusts Off His Collection of Enya CDs | 5 comments (5 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
I had not known that Cortez was an Enya fan by lm (4.00 / 1) #1 Thu Sep 25, 2014 at 05:25:45 AM EST
What a heretic.

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
Truly by johnny (2.00 / 0) #3 Thu Sep 25, 2014 at 05:37:35 PM EST
his depravity is boundless.

She has effectively checked out. She's an un-person of her own making. So it falls to me.--ad hoc (in the hole)
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18-time expellee from Alcoholics Anonymous by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #2 Thu Sep 25, 2014 at 07:37:48 AM EST
Given that the only membership requirement is a desire to stop drinking, and not even an honest desire at that, we know what he's really in to. As if the Enya collection wasn't proof enough of that.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

I'm not sure by johnny (4.00 / 1) #4 Thu Sep 25, 2014 at 05:39:32 PM EST
but I think the brandishing of his aforementioned cutlass during the "sharing" of his "story" may have been at the root of the problem.

She has effectively checked out. She's an un-person of her own making. So it falls to me.--ad hoc (in the hole)
[ Parent ]
Oh heck, lots of drunks brandish their 'weapons' by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #5 Fri Sep 26, 2014 at 06:35:23 AM EST
while sharing their stories. Worst case, we talk to them outside the meeting space.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

[ Parent ]
Cortez the Killer, Home from South Pole, Dusts Off His Collection of Enya CDs | 5 comments (5 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback