Medium came along with a decent set of tools for writing and publishing stuff, and I'm always looking for places to put selected things, stuff that doesn't get quite so diary-personal as HuSi, a location that doesn't have a history.
If you know my normal username, you know where to find me at Medium.
Anyhow, I was getting a few reads (less than hundreds, more than tens), so I asked to be added to one of the "curated" lists (specifically one called Human Parts). I got an email back with, hey, yeah, we've read your stuff, just submit what you want and we'll approve if it is worthwhile.
Submitted a thing I wrote about my friend's suicide that segued into a thing about owning your schedule: if you knew when you were going to die, how would you change your life?
Two things happened once it was accepted: 1) whoever reviewed it edited it, adding punctuation (quotation marks, generally) in ways that fucked with the flow (in my mind, anyway) but made it grammatically proper and 2) I now have some new people reading my stuff, which is exciting but terrifying.
I think I'd become used to having the same ten or fifteen people see the stuff I'd written, so I'd become pretty OK with exposing some things in the writing, and also had become complacent about how I say what I say. The latter is more troubling, actually. I've been progressively writing in a way that allows me to be lazy with my assumptions, thinking "oh, these folks know how I do these things" or "They'll get the reference there to some obscure thing from five years ago," that sort of thing.
Now when I'm writing it feels like I'm spending so much time on setting up the story that there's no room left for the story. I may have seven minutes, tops, for someone to clear the entire story else they lose interest, and I can't use my normal shorthand or my crazy voice. I mean, I can...of course I can...but I'm trying to actually develop new readers and not come off all "if you don't understand this, you just don't get it, man."
Accessible, but still my voice.
If nothing else, it is interesting. It doesn't get me anything material, and my ego barely relies on me anymore (it's been in a mild coma for about a year), but I do have an interest in both telling stories and reading them, and especially an interest in the feedback loop of telling a story, reading a response, etc.
Which is why HuSi, though I've worn down my stories here to a nub. Not much more to say that you haven't heard.
Forcing myself to write again, every day, and doing it in ways that aren't within my comfort zone (not, ya know, emotional comfort zone. My technical / skill comfort zone) is tough. There's still a very loud voice in my head telling me I have no idea what I'm doing, and I'm learning that the voice is correct, which is why I'm bothering.
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