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Working life
By Gedvondur (Fri Dec 13, 2013 at 11:42:31 AM EST) Dumbass, me, Las Vegas, crisis, duh (all tags)
Ever have one of those weeks when you can do nothing right?


I was at a big IT conference this week in sunny-but-still-strangely-cold Las Vegas. Having one of those weeks where I feel I can do no right.
 
First, I pissed off a VP by dissing one of his products. He got pretty hot under the collar and threatened me with my job. Later, my boss smoothed it over and told me that I was pretty much right about the product, just not the time and place. He was right, I was a dumb-ass and I’m still kicking myself for it.
 
I’ve had several awkward conversations with people, only awkward because I seem to have lost the ability to make small talk or even converse in a half way normal fashion. These are things I normally can do. I can talk, I have the gift of gab, at least to a small extent. This fucking week, however, I am tongue-tied and to make it worse what I do say lacks insight or intelligence. It’s like I rolled a collective 1 for the week.
 
I don’t know what the fuck is wrong. I know I don’t like the tech industry anymore. I’m just tired of it. I’m tired of negativity for the company I work for, much of it undeserved. I know very well that because we are big and a market leader we have a target painted on our backs. But I am tired of the same old man-on-the-street shallow complaints about the company. It’s exhausting to have to address them time and time again. Maybe it’s just because I’ve been so deep into it the last week. Not sure.
 
It doesn’t really matter how tired of tech I am anyway. Anything I really want to do doesn’t pay squat, and I have become accustomed to a certain lifestyle. I can’t just up and change careers, not unless I am willing to take a 50% pay cut. Possibly more. 
 
I don’t know, ever since the surgery and the almost dying thing I think I’m having some sort of mid-life crisis. Not a typical one where I buy sports cars and try to relive my youth either. A mid-life crisis where I’m depressed and afraid of dying, even though I am no longer in any particular danger. Its not all the time, the flip side of it is new appreciation for the things I have, my wife, my parents, my friends, my dogs and cat. I just feel strange, like I was supposed to die in May but just didn’t and now there is no plan for me. Not like there was before, but that’s the feeling, if not the belief.
 
Anyway, Christmas is coming and with it a two-week respite from work. Hopefully that will allow me to recharge my batteries and get my head straight.

< RIP Jang Song-thaek | Christmas is coming >
Zoot Suit Riot | 17 comments (17 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
I know the feeling [eom] by georgeha (4.00 / 2) #1 Fri Dec 13, 2013 at 12:30:42 PM EST



Burnout/Stress/Depression by the sounds of it. by gmd (2.00 / 0) #5 Fri Dec 13, 2013 at 02:24:11 PM EST
After over ten years at my previous employer, I just started to hate everything about it. The worst thing for me was that I developed a sort of matrix-vision, and started to be really good at predicting what and who would succeed, and what and who would fail, and why. I was so finely tuned to the key personalities, and the drivers, that I found it hard to muster up any enthusiasm for the stuff that I knew would fail. I lived in a sort of permanent exasperation where it felt was as if everyone was attempting to troll me, but doing it badly. 

After being in the industry over 20 years, I've started to detest anything 'new', because nine times out of ten, its a shit version of something that was done better twenty years previously, promoted by young inexperienced hipsters and lapped up by management who want to be 'trendy'. e.g. "Let's put it in the 'cloud'" (whatever the fuck that means). Or Smalltalk-80/Java. Or Linux/Solaris.

Coupled with being in the investment banking "industry" (and all the bullshit offshoring/rightshoring/downsizing/outsourcing that goes with that), I decided that enough was enough and pulled a 'Bartleby'. Which was hilarious for a while (as it played out exactly how I knew it would), but if you have got to this point, your inner self is telling you that you need to take some time out.

Dude, if you have the resources, take some time out to think things through, and maybe go see the doctor (especially if you are experiencing sleep issues) because you sound like I used to feel if that makes any sense.





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gmd - HuSi's second most dimwitted overprivileged user.
[ Parent ]
I could solve some of my sleep problems with a by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #6 Fri Dec 13, 2013 at 02:29:50 PM EST
pillowcase and a brick. We keep our bedroom door closed since the male cat would like to pee on our comforter, which just means the female cats want in and out a few times a night.

Or a box of water spraying Claymore mines.

scratch, scratch SPLASH!


[ Parent ]
Im sure by gmd (2.00 / 0) #8 Fri Dec 13, 2013 at 02:31:31 PM EST
Thinkgeek sells them. Or if it doesn't, it should.

Perhaps this is a good use case for a raspberry pi?

 

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gmd - HuSi's second most dimwitted overprivileged user.
[ Parent ]
yeah that by Merekat (4.00 / 2) #17 Tue Dec 17, 2013 at 05:00:42 AM EST
"I lived in a sort of permanent exasperation where it felt was as if everyone was attempting to troll me, but doing it badly."

I think that pretty much describes my relationship with the central project management for much of the last year and a bit. Can they really expect us to believe X based on evidence? Worse, do THEY actually really believe it?


[ Parent ]
Happy fucking Christmas. by ana (4.00 / 1) #2 Fri Dec 13, 2013 at 12:42:05 PM EST
We're here, we're listening. We're glad you're still here, writing.

I now know what the noise that is usually spelled "lolwhut" sounds like. --Kellnerin

There's something about facing mortality by toxicfur (4.00 / 1) #3 Fri Dec 13, 2013 at 01:27:08 PM EST
(which you did far more directly than I have), that makes one evaluate priorities. After my mom's death, I certainly went through that -- I asked myself all the big questions, like what the flying fuck is my job for anyway?  what are the most important things in my life? what can I live with and what can't I live without? It was definitely a mid-life crisis, without the sports cars. I'm going through a similar one now, with regards to the genetic stuff, though I've got some better strategies to handle it now, and until I have answers, I don't actually have to face anything directly.

Based on my experiences, it makes total sense to me that you're re-evaluating a lot of things, and stuff that you'd put up with before you went through your surgery and recovery is just not worth putting up with anymore. I'm sorry that you're going through it, for the reasons you're going through it. I hope you are able to find a way to use the crisis to make your life something you really enjoy.
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The amount of suck that you can put up with can be mind-boggling, but it only really hits you when it then ceases to suck. -- Kellnerin

This... by kwsNI (2.00 / 0) #4 Fri Dec 13, 2013 at 01:51:54 PM EST
Anything I really want to do doesn’t pay squat, and I have become accustomed to a certain lifestyle. I can’t just up and change careers, not unless I am willing to take a 50% pay cut. Possibly more

I've had that conversation so many times over the past year.  I can think of a few things I'd love to do but I just can't afford to.  My job sucks, but it pays well and the things I would love just can't compare. 

There's something to be said for perspective by georgeha (4.00 / 2) #9 Fri Dec 13, 2013 at 03:34:59 PM EST
SW still beats working in a coalmine.


[ Parent ]
I'd like to hope so. by gmd (2.00 / 0) #10 Fri Dec 13, 2013 at 03:50:05 PM EST
But miners get to blow stuff up, and drive those humungous trucks, and other heavy duty gear so it can't be all bad. And I bet nobody asks them if they "have a case of the Mondays"...

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gmd - HuSi's second most dimwitted overprivileged user.
[ Parent ]
Oh yeah one more thing by gmd (2.00 / 0) #7 Fri Dec 13, 2013 at 02:30:24 PM EST
Sports cars are good fun, and almost certainly cheaper than dating a 21 year old hottie from alt.com[NSFW] and the subsequent divorce settlement... 

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gmd - HuSi's second most dimwitted overprivileged user.
GET OUT OF MY HEEEEAAADDDD by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #11 Fri Dec 13, 2013 at 10:52:45 PM EST
"I just feel strange, like I was supposed to die in May but just didn’t and now there is no plan for me. Not like there was before, but that’s the feeling, if not the belief."

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

Yep. by ambrosen (4.00 / 1) #12 Sat Dec 14, 2013 at 12:09:30 AM EST
I've not got to the bottom of that, 11 years post surgical crisis. (I'm assuming yours isn't surgery though, ammo).

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Stent placement counts, right? by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #13 Sat Dec 14, 2013 at 07:10:22 PM EST
http://www.hulver.com/scoop/story/2011/9/29/1218/50410

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

[ Parent ]
Can't do what you want by jimgon (4.00 / 1) #14 Sun Dec 15, 2013 at 09:40:54 AM EST
 Seems to be the thing for IT veterans. I think most professionals go through this.






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Technician - "We can't even get decent physical health care. Mental health is like witchcraft here."
Just play the game by theboz (4.00 / 3) #15 Sun Dec 15, 2013 at 12:57:35 PM EST
For me, it's been important to do the following to find some semblance of happiness in my life, despite my work success, good family, etc.

1)  Find something you like to do.  That thing you've considered doing but haven't, do it or start planning to do it.  It could be anything from learning to be a chef, working out to get a six pack, or having a cocaine filled vacation in Thailand while screwing four ladies at once every day for two weeks.

2)  Do the minimum to be acceptable at work, stop worry, and play office politics.  Don't be a complete dick, but try to thrive on the social aspects of work as well.  You know those managers who used to be programmers?  They are often people like yourself who burnt out and decided they needed a switch up.  The easiest way to do that is to be social and focus on that aspect of your work rather than the technology.

3)  Get closer to your friends.  This one is a hard one for me, because most of my best friends end up being more successful than me and thus are too busy or move away.  The people I could hang out with every weekend if I wanted to aren't the people I want to hang out with, to be honest, but I am starting to make more of an effort to do so because it still ends up helping me be more positive and recharged.

Those are the top three things I've been working on for similar problems.
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That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n

Point 2 all day long... by gmd (2.00 / 0) #16 Sun Dec 15, 2013 at 09:50:40 PM EST
 Do the absolute minimum you can get away with.

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gmd - HuSi's second most dimwitted overprivileged user.
[ Parent ]
Zoot Suit Riot | 17 comments (17 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback