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By toxicfur (Tue May 08, 2012 at 11:14:41 PM EST) (all tags)
The following is what I posted in response to the vote in North Carolina today. Amendment 1, which will outlaw not only gay marriage (which was already not recognized by statute) but also domestic partnerships and civil unions, passed. Part of the reason for my writing this was because a couple of people in my facebook friends list - a sister-in-law and the sister-in-law of my brother (along with some other people who don't matter as much) - posted some stuff about (in one case) how I need praying for, and (in another case) how marriage is between one man and one woman as God intended.

It enraged me, and it deeply hurt me. This was my response.

Tonight, North Carolina voters, you told me that you don't want me in your state. Tonight, you told me that I am no longer welcome in what was once my home. Tonight, you told me that you're just as bigoted and heartless as you were in 1875 - the last time you voted to add a restriction to marriage rights. That was when you outlawed interracial marriage. You've told me - just as clearly as the bullies in middle school and high school did - that I don't belong there.

And some of you, no doubt, are celebrating the fact that you've driven one more lesbian away from your state. That you've managed to keep your precious bubble of sanctimoniousness and anti-Christian hatred in place for another year, or two, or five.

But believe me when I say this: There are enough of you North Carolina voters who did not vote to exclude me that you majority who did? Your days are numbered. You are on the wrong side of history. You are on the wrong side of God's love. You are on the wrong side, period.

I've thought a lot about what home is, in part because I've never felt entirely at home anywhere in my life. My family moved constantly. Every house was temporary. Every move was fraught. Two places, though, were home: Grandmama's house and the beach cottage. Those two places had something very important connecting them. They were places where I felt utterly and completely safe, and where I knew that I was loved unconditionally.

Voters in North Carolina who voted against not just the recognition of marriage for people like me, but also for any sort of legal protections? You just told me that I will never feel safe, never feel unconditionally loved in North Carolina again. You just told me that I am not a fully realized person in your eyes.

I had hoped it wouldn't come to this. See, whenever the majority is allowed to vote on the rights of the minority, democracy is turned on its head. It's subverted and used for evil. I had, though, deep in my heart where I barely acknowledged it, hope. Hope that North Carolina would not become yet one more state in the modern confederacy. One more state where some people are more equal than others. One more state where discrimination against people like me - who are in so many ways so very privileged (white, middle class) - is upheld as moral. Excuse the language, but how is discrimination ever fucking moral?

I follow the teachings of Christ. I try my very best to live by the commandments Christ gave as the two most important: To love God, and to love others. I fully admit that tonight? After being told that because of who I am, I and people like me are not worth the same legal protections as everyone else, I am having a very hard time with the second part. It seems that a majority of voting North Carolinians never even tried.

From a legal standpoint, the vote is bullshit. The founders of our country thought that it was important enough to say in our Constitution that no religion should be established by the state. And that's what this amendment tries very hard to do - to make one set of religious beliefs superior to all others. And you know what? From a religious standpoint, it's bullshit, too. Christians happily overlook the parts of the Bible that endorse slavery (or that say not to eat shellfish, or to stone one's non-virgin daughter, or to hide menstruating women away because they're unclean). But you take a handful of verses out of context and you tell me that I am by definition evil? Fuck that. It's lazy theology. And - more importantly - IT SHOULD HAVE NO PLACE IN THE LAW OF THE LAND.

I'm grateful that in my adopted state, I can't be fired for who I am. I can get married to any consenting adult I choose. I can't be kicked out of my house. I can't be denied health care. I can be myself.

But North Carolina? You were the first place I found home. Maybe the only place I've ever found the safety and love that a home makes. And you just broke my heart.

< question of etiquette | Lame poll >
For those of you not on facebook | 31 comments (31 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
i have never been as upset about the news by aphrael (4.00 / 1) #1 Wed May 09, 2012 at 01:24:31 AM EST
as i was the day Proposition 8 passed.

i'm sorry you had to go through this too.

If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.

Thank you. by toxicfur (2.00 / 0) #8 Wed May 09, 2012 at 12:39:15 PM EST
I know you've been here, and the shock I felt from CA was very nearly as much as the hurt I felt from NC. It's dehumanizing, in a real way.
The amount of suck that you can put up with can be mind-boggling, but it only really hits you when it then ceases to suck. -- Kellnerin
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Forgive them Lord for they know not by Herring (4.00 / 1) #2 Wed May 09, 2012 at 06:33:40 AM EST
their arses from their elbows.

christ, we're all old now - StackyMcRacky
No wonder they're sexually frustrated. by ambrosen (4.00 / 1) #11 Wed May 09, 2012 at 01:43:00 PM EST

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Seven! by toxicfur (2.00 / 0) #12 Wed May 09, 2012 at 01:54:34 PM EST
That made me lol -- you're awesome. :)
The amount of suck that you can put up with can be mind-boggling, but it only really hits you when it then ceases to suck. -- Kellnerin
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Well, I do totally empathise with them. by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #17 Wed May 09, 2012 at 06:05:37 PM EST
I'm so sexually frustrated I just saw the word books and read boobs. I somehow manage not to take it out on other people, though.

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also by aphrael (4.00 / 1) #3 Wed May 09, 2012 at 09:51:33 AM EST
If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.
I'm sorry by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #4 Wed May 09, 2012 at 10:29:34 AM EST
I do not for the life of me understand the whole anti-gay thing.  Why does it matter? 

It sickens me that I feel the need to apologize on behalf of heterosexual people.  Then again, I shouldn't have to apologize for the actions of idiots that I'm not responsible for*.  So I won't.  Instead, I will offer my deepest condolences that the people you consider your roots have rejected you. 

Your HuSi family still loves you, and always will.

Being a parent, sometimes I am responsible for the idiot and do have to apologize.  Fortunately, The Dude is a good kid and I don't have to do it often.

Thanks, Stacky. by toxicfur (4.00 / 3) #9 Wed May 09, 2012 at 12:43:13 PM EST
It's not heterosexuals who are the problem. Just about every vocally anti-Amendment 1 person in my facebook friends is heterosexual. It's the evangelical, fundamentalist Christians who use their hatred of gays as a tribal marker - "Look how much I hate gays! Fuck them, they're gross! See, that means I love Jesus and I'm a part of the same tribe you are! Let's all hate gays together!" Those are the ones who should be ashamed of themselves.

I've actually been somewhat relieved today that there's way less gloating than I thought there would be from people I know, and some of the people from high school and college have left incredibly kind and supportive comments on my facebook story. There is hope!

The amount of suck that you can put up with can be mind-boggling, but it only really hits you when it then ceases to suck. -- Kellnerin

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I truly beileve by dev trash (4.00 / 1) #18 Wed May 09, 2012 at 08:38:12 PM EST
That people actually think that if a gay man or woman touches them, looks at them or otherwise does something 'not right' they'll not only become gay themselves but also might just like it.

I don't get the whole 'look how promiscuous they are!' slant either.  Have they looked at humans in general?  We like to fuck, marriage laws or no marriage laws.

Being flamboyant pisses a lot of people off too, not because they're out there being and doing what they want, but because the hater can't see himself doing something just as wild.

It's a lot of different reasons, some homophobes are gay but can't come out for whatever reason and they have to be mean etc, just in case their buddies suspect something.

Anyone who spouts off about limited government, and supports Amendment 1 or Prop 8, doesn't really support limited government at all.


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no one actually supports limited government. by the mariner (4.00 / 3) #27 Thu May 10, 2012 at 05:07:07 PM EST
"limited government" has always been primarily a banner under which conservatives claim principled opposition to policies that benefit minority groups. they have been so successful with this approach they are now starting to run out of such policies to oppose or rollback, so they use public policy to explicitly discriminate against minority groups. the only consistency is hostility toward minority groups. the same political party who took up this noble sounding cause of "limited government" has been relentless in expanding the powers of law enforcement and increasing the onerousness of legal requirements ranging from foreign travel to immigration. again, primarily to the detriment of minority groups.

movement conservatism, which increasingly is the same political force as the republican party, is almost entirely a movement built around cultural resentment and its expression in public policy in the form of screwing minority groups. it's full of bits of cleverness like "limited government," but at bottom this hostility is all it's really about. 

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Fury by 2 plus 3 equals 5 (4.00 / 1) #5 Wed May 09, 2012 at 11:18:14 AM EST
So eloquently stated. Don't they know that the separation of church and state was originally put in to protect Baptists?

-- Do the math.
I know this isn't a complete comfort by yankeehack (4.00 / 1) #6 Wed May 09, 2012 at 11:18:38 AM EST
but when I was dating ex and he was in North Carolina, we were told directly that we weren't supposed to live together and if we wanted to, why not just get married quietly and not tell anyone.

I lived with him for the summer between my junior and senior years of college. The story was that I was "just visiting"...and we were engaged (I think) by then or maybe it was that summer.

Even after I was married and was friends with his colleagues - there weren't that many young couples who were living together.

Now, some of this pressure was because of the military and benefits for dependents...and I can tell you, some of it wasn't.
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

blech by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #13 Wed May 09, 2012 at 03:13:56 PM EST
One of my aunts got all uppidy about my getting divorced.  This wasn't to my face, of course.

Then her daughter got divorced.  My, how her tune has changed!!

This same aunt "knows in her heart" that her sister (the youngest of my aunts) is going to hell because she's gay.  I find it so stupid, it's her SISTER who hasn't done a thing wrong in her entire life!  So she's evil, etc, just because she likes other women?  Dumb, dumb, dumb.

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that always annoys me by gzt (2.00 / 0) #22 Thu May 10, 2012 at 11:36:28 AM EST
If you're going to take a strong moral stance on something (with or without nuance), you have to think it through, because morality is a rather logical enterprise, really. You have to think of all the cases: what if my son/daughter were in this scenario, what if I were in this scenario, what if my father were in this scenario, etc etc. People have such poor philosophical and logical education these days. The idea of one's daughter getting a divorce or being gay is not the sort of thing that should shake your moral system because they are very very easy to foresee and calculate. I suppose I shouldn't blame people too much for failing to universalize their moral considerations, as it's actually a very hard thing to do, but these failures of foresight are just bad.

And I say this as somebody with a rather conservative morality.

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these days? by nathan (2.00 / 0) #24 Thu May 10, 2012 at 01:39:41 PM EST
"People have such poor philosophical and logical education these days..."

I agree that most people are idiots -- I, for instance, am an idiot -- but I don't think this is a recent development (possibly because I'm an idiot.)

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in these great and final days... by gzt (2.00 / 0) #25 Thu May 10, 2012 at 02:04:37 PM EST
...the world is degrading, people are getting shorter, cats living with dogs...

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Divorce is a new thing... by ana (2.00 / 0) #23 Thu May 10, 2012 at 11:45:16 AM EST
on both sides of my family of origin. I think that's one of the reasons it hit me so hard. 

I now know what the noise that is usually spelled "lolwhut" sounds like. --Kellnerin

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Jared asks that I pass this along by aphrael (4.00 / 4) #7 Wed May 09, 2012 at 12:16:07 PM EST
If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.
I love that! by toxicfur (2.00 / 0) #10 Wed May 09, 2012 at 12:43:49 PM EST
Please tell him thank you for me.
The amount of suck that you can put up with can be mind-boggling, but it only really hits you when it then ceases to suck. -- Kellnerin
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Well you should cheer up by anonimouse (2.00 / 0) #14 Wed May 09, 2012 at 03:35:35 PM EST
Obama comes off the fence on gay marriage.

One minus, one big plus I would say.

Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
Guardian has an infographic.. by infinitera (4.00 / 1) #19 Wed May 09, 2012 at 08:55:27 PM EST

Not bad, especially when scaling states by population, but still a lot of minuses.

[…] a professional layabout. Which I aspire to be, but am not yet. — CheeseburgerBrown

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Yeah, that's a hopeful sign by toxicfur (2.00 / 0) #28 Thu May 10, 2012 at 06:01:25 PM EST
Still, I'd rather have the support of my biological family than the support of a political figure, you know?
The amount of suck that you can put up with can be mind-boggling, but it only really hits you when it then ceases to suck. -- Kellnerin
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NoFX summed it up very well... by dmg (2.00 / 0) #15 Wed May 09, 2012 at 04:10:18 PM EST
Leaving Jesusland.
dmg - HuSi's most dimwitted overprivileged user.
Tim Minchin has a song... by Metatone (4.00 / 2) #16 Wed May 09, 2012 at 04:33:09 PM EST
it's targeted at the pope and others who covered up child abuse, but I think the title fits well for North Carolina...

Fuck you motherfuckers.. 

DON'T MAKE ME COME BACK DOWN THERE! by ammoniacal (4.00 / 3) #20 Wed May 09, 2012 at 09:17:02 PM EST

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

Historically speaking... by theboz (4.00 / 1) #21 Wed May 09, 2012 at 10:45:12 PM EST
The Union soldiers primarily destroyed military targets, it was the angry locals that were doing a good chunk of the burning down of cities and plantations.  One of the reasons for that is that Sherman had his men basically living off of whatever resources they could seize since they had no traditional supply line going back into union territory.  The Confederates thought they could stop the northerners (and their sympathizers, mainly union supporters and ex-slaves who ended up accompanying Sherman's troops) by keeping them from finding food and water.  However, since most history books tend to have a more Confederate-friendly point of view when it comes to the Civil War, they have turned Sherman into a genocidal maniac.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n
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toxicfur for President by Herring (4.00 / 2) #26 Thu May 10, 2012 at 02:33:34 PM EST
She's got the qualifications.

christ, we're all old now - StackyMcRacky
I would make a terrible president. by toxicfur (2.00 / 0) #29 Thu May 10, 2012 at 06:03:20 PM EST
No tolerance for bullshit, for one thing, and I'm terrible at thinking politically, even in the low-stakes politics of academia.

Still, that made me lol. Especially the womanizer part (since that hasn't been true in a really long time now...).
The amount of suck that you can put up with can be mind-boggling, but it only really hits you when it then ceases to suck. -- Kellnerin

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Tolerance for bullshit by Herring (2.00 / 0) #30 Thu May 10, 2012 at 06:33:48 PM EST
Seeing as I also have none, I don't see it as a desirable trait. Why have to put up with the creationists, anti-vaxers, climate change deniers? What's wrong with saying "Here's the evidence, you are morons now leave me alone". Why is pandering to the terminally stupid considered a virtue?

christ, we're all old now - StackyMcRacky
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You have to pander to the stupid to win elections? by Dr H0ffm4n (2.00 / 0) #31 Wed May 23, 2012 at 03:54:27 AM EST

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