Ex civil servant. Moderate, wishy washy platform with no real deadlines, costings, no appeal other than "I'm not Boris or Ken". Manifesto Rating - incomplete, uncosted and wildly aspirational.
Carlos Cortiglia - British National Party
That well known, solidly AngloSaxon name is going to endear him to the far left nutters of the BNP faithful. Manifesto Rating - halfway between Communist party and Socialist Workers party, with a healthily sprinkled yet utterly repellant dose of racism on top.
Boris Johnson - Tory
Floppy haired incumbent toff who hasn't made things any worse, apart from the drinking on public transport ban which has been perfectly observed by the hard working employed non problem drinkers, and totally ignored by the unemployed drunken scum pissing it up on the busses. Manifesto Rating - a ten point plan, touch of Mao there, times two. But no wild promises of Mayoral spending. A few lies on social housing, a few stretches on crime, but no real proven skeletons in his record so far.
Jenny Jones - Watermelons
Cat-arsed faced darling of the BBC, hoping to stir the leftist protest vote in her favour. Manifesto Rating - halfway between the Socialist Workers party anf the faeries, with a strong mix of anti business regulation, anti car driving, anti everything planned. Unless we're paying each other to plant trees, give homeopathic reiki massages, it will be taxed, delegitimised or banned.
Ken Livingstone - Labour
I have lost count of Labour's more credible members distancing themselves from this newt lover. Anti Semitic, extremist Islamist welcoming toss end. Manifesto Rating - promises to resign if he has not frozen tube fares until the end of time. Misses the fact that whatever the colour of the rosette - we don't trust any politicians a single bit anymore. The minute you make a "promise" is when we count down to when you break it.
Brian Paddick - Liberal Democrats
Got hammered last election, before the LumpDims had anything like power in the country. Nice enough bloke when I met him (he hid under the same tree as I was last year when it pissed it down raining). He'll pay for Cleggs mistakes. Manifesto Rating - pointless.
Lawrence Webb - "Fresh Choice for London" - aka UKIP
Exactly why they've decided to hide the UKIP tagline here I've no idea. You'd have thought they might try to emphasise the wider UKIP platform of a low tax, low interference policy of government, but there you go. Manifesto Rating - going for low tax, squeeze more productivity out of public services that people need and binning the ones they want.
So those are the choices, and my brief write up of the candidates.
Later this week I will truthfully disclose my actual vote, but you may amuse yourselves by placing the candidates in the order you think I would vote for them in your comments below.
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