Print Story may you bloom and grow forever
By aphrael (Fri Mar 09, 2012 at 11:41:49 AM EST) (all tags)
Wednesday was a beautiful day, with temperatures which rose to the level of a bay area summer; perfect for a long walk through the suburbs of Morris Plains, Cedar Knolls, and Morristown, listening to music. Music which, unexpectedly, gave me a sads.

I work in Morris Plains, and on days when I go to work, I typically walk straight back to the Morris Plains train station. This is sensible; it's 1.3 miles already, and i'd much rather get myself back to the city sooner, because the bottom line is that I like the city more. Plus, walking around in the dark, on New Jersey roads with erratic sidewalks and drivers who don't understand the concept of pedestrians, is terrifying.

But when I was in New Jersey for two nights last week (for the New Jersey bar exam), I found myself in Whippany, which is right next to Morris Plains; the easiest route to the hotel started out from the Morris Plains train station, and my walk back to the train on Friday went to the neighboring town of Morristown. This gave me a sense for the neighborhood; a bigger picture of the land surrounding the area I walk through a couple days a week. It's nice to have that sense of place, and this emboldened me to walk to Morristown after work on Wednesday, a beautiful almost-summer day, at the end of which I was energetic and happy.

I'd read in the IHT that morning that Robert Sherman had died and so, as is often my want, I had been listening to some of his music; the Mary Poppins soundtrack is, embarassingly enough, on my iPod. Mary Poppins led, as it inevitably does for me, to the Sound of Music; a fine, fun, happy soundtrack from what was my grandmother's favorite movie.

And yet.

When I was a child, I thought I understood the song 'edelweiss': it was a song, ultimately, about Captain von Trapp's love for Austria. What I didn't understand about the song, because at that age I couldn't, is that it's a song about his love for Austria, a country which he is about to leave and never see again. In that sense, it's a terribly sad song; a song about losing something you love. It is a 'goodbye' song every bit as much, and perhaps more than, 'so long farewell'.

I realized, as I walked across Cedar Knolls on Wednesday, listening to this song, that I'm homesick.

Don't get me wrong: I like New York City. I see its attraction. There is part of me which very, very much enjoys being here.

And yet.

It's not home.

Maybe it will be someday. (Although my worst fear about this whole situation is that, just when it becomes home, we'll leave again). But it isn't now.

It's been about six months; I understand that this is a normal time frame for homesickness to set in. So it shouldn't be a surprise; and it isn't really; but at the same time, it's unwanted.

I'm going to California twice in the next two months; maybe that will help. Maybe that will make it worse. It's hard to say.


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may you bloom and grow forever | 9 comments (9 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
I knew I had to move back to Virginia by wiredog (2.00 / 0) #1 Fri Mar 09, 2012 at 12:16:03 PM EST
When I woke up from dreams of Virginia and desperately wanted to go back to sleep, and those dreams.

I have never dreamed of Utah, though I lived there for 10 years.

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

*hugs* by R343L (2.00 / 0) #2 Fri Mar 09, 2012 at 12:17:19 PM EST
I've never really (until I moved to Seattle) found a place that I labeled "home". After I left Iowa (at twelve) I moved around so much that no place was really home. It was always just the place I'm living. I don't really remember being homesick for Iowa, so I don't think I can understand. But, hugs anyway!

Sound of Music is probably my favorite musical movie actually. I should learn some of those songs for autoharp. I loved the wistful but accepting tone of Edelweiss.

"There will be time, there will be time / To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet." -- Eliot

home by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #5 Fri Mar 09, 2012 at 03:17:29 PM EST
I felt the same way...I never felt like San Diego was my home town, but now the Bay Area definitely is.
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
Absolutely by notafurry (2.00 / 0) #6 Fri Mar 09, 2012 at 03:56:50 PM EST
I lived in Minnesota for 18 years, Alabama for 4, Chicago for a year, Phoenix for 3... and I never felt homesick for any of them. Oh, a little bit for Minnesota when I went to college, but mostly for specific things and for people - it was the first time I lived on my own after all. But not for the place.

After less than a year in Seattle, I spent three months travelling and missed it terribly. This is "home".

[ Parent ]
*hugs* by ana (2.00 / 0) #3 Fri Mar 09, 2012 at 12:44:46 PM EST
and yeah... I moved every few years from the time I started college until I settled here. Now... I've lived in the same place long enough to pay off the mortgage. I guess it's home? Maybe?

Also, Edelweiss has now driven out of my head whatever Renaissance tune was there.

I now know what the noise that is usually spelled "lolwhut" sounds like. --Kellnerin

20+ years in New England. Not home. by iGrrrl (2.00 / 0) #4 Fri Mar 09, 2012 at 02:21:38 PM EST
I know people gave Romney grief about going on about the trees being the right height in Michigan, but I kinda knew what he meant. Florida feels like home, even though I've been in New England 20+ out of my 50 years.

But for some people, they land in a new place, and it's suddenly home. LA was like that for my best friend.

"Beautiful wine, talking of scattered everythings"
(and thanks to Scrymarch)

santa cruz was home the minute i got there by aphrael (2.00 / 0) #9 Sat Mar 10, 2012 at 10:52:23 AM EST
eventually that broadened to the bay area and, oddly, could probably include LA now.

one of the things that was surprisingly hardest to get used to is that the trees look funny.

If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.

[ Parent ]
You simply must visit Morris Twip. by ammoniacal (2.00 / 0) #7 Fri Mar 09, 2012 at 08:03:50 PM EST
Spend the day in lurvely Morris Co. and smell the dairy air!

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

technically speaking by aphrael (2.00 / 0) #8 Sat Mar 10, 2012 at 10:51:00 AM EST
cedar knolls has no independent legal existence and is part of morris township.

i suppose it's possible it had dairies in the past; now it seems to be mostly suburban homes and office parks. with erratically present sidewalks.

If television is a babysitter, the internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.

[ Parent ]
may you bloom and grow forever | 9 comments (9 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback