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By Gedvondur (Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 11:26:40 AM EST) page 45, offal, rotting, serial killers, skyscrapers, suburbs (all tags)
Unfortunate for me.

Grab the book nearest to you. Go to page 45.  The first sentence is your sex life in 2012.


Sadly for me, that book happened to be The Devil in the White City.

"Holmes knew--everyone knew--that as skyscrapers soared and the stockyards expanded their butchery, the demand for workers would remain high, and that workers and their supervisors would seek to live in the city's suburbs, with their promise of smooth macadam, clean water, decent schools, and above all air untainted by the stench of rotting offal from the Union Yards."

So not only is that sentence run-on, but it describes horrid stench and butchery.  Lovely.  And the Holmes mentioned here isn't the dashing heroin-using detective of much fame and glory, it's H.H. Holmes, serial killer of the late 19th century.  Clearly my sex life will lead to prison.


What's yours?
< Someone walked over my grave. | 3 months >
Page 45 Meme | 55 comments (55 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Had to walk down the hall... by ana (4.00 / 1) #1 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 11:40:28 AM EST
to find fiction. From The Falls by Joyce Carol Oates:
"Where things are lost. Gone."

Or, from the literally nearest book, a software manual:

"The author has found the approximate expression for the JM model by inverting its Fourier transform in terms of elementary functions (powers and exponentials)."

Dunno what either one of those say about me.

I now know what the noise that is usually spelled "lolwhut" sounds like. --Kellnerin

If we count the contents of my laptop... by ana (4.00 / 1) #36 Tue Jan 10, 2012 at 09:34:55 AM EST
which contains PDFs of my own novels, we find this:
"So," said Professor Fitch over lunch one day, "What would happen if moments of inertia were ever so slightly complex?"

I now know what the noise that is usually spelled "lolwhut" sounds like. --Kellnerin

[ Parent ]
Heh by kwsNI (4.00 / 1) #37 Tue Jan 10, 2012 at 10:20:39 AM EST
I've got the FAA Rotorcraft Handbook sitting next to me.  The first sentence is something about computing gross empty weight. 

[ Parent ]
Blood of the Mantis in iBooks by darkbrown (4.00 / 1) #2 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 11:53:28 AM EST
woman she was talking to. 'You're a foreigner - in fact you both are, by your dress.' She pulled the chitin helmet from her head, unleashing an improbable cascade of chestnut hair.
That doesn't sound too bad.

Not sure which book to choose. by ambrosen (4.00 / 1) #3 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 11:54:44 AM EST
As I'm parallel to my bookshelf at the moment. But from Atonement:
It would be Hardman...

I needn't go on.

Oh boy by yankeehack (4.00 / 2) #4 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 11:55:03 AM EST
He had also missed the memo.

From The 4-Hour Workweek...
"...she dares to indulge in the secret sport. You can't be a MILF with the F, at least in part because the M is predicated upon it."-CBB

The closest was a dictionary by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #5 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 11:57:08 AM EST
Next closest was The Arms of Krupp

"It would be a century and a quarter before another lean and hungry Krupp faced the world at bay, and even Auslanders are drawn by the spell of that scene in 1826."

boring

The next sentence is better.

"To Germans it is irresistible."


I am not playing by Merekat (4.00 / 1) #6 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 12:00:58 PM EST
as the book nearest to me is a PRINCE2 manual.

Multi-Paradigm DESIGN for C++ by codemonkey uk (4.00 / 1) #12 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 12:47:28 PM EST
I don't think my sex life ever gets that technical.

--- Thad ---
Almost as Smart As you.
[ Parent ]
Multiple inheritance by Herring (4.00 / 2) #16 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 01:49:28 PM EST
more of a West Country thing ...

christ, we're all old now - StackyMcRacky
[ Parent ]
I also have a technical book closest to me by lm (4.00 / 1) #26 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 07:16:57 PM EST
A Guide to Latex

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]
Oh, I know a book with a title like that by ambrosen (4.00 / 3) #27 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 07:22:55 PM EST
I think it was A Guide to LATEX, though

[ Parent ]
Hmm. by Herring (4.00 / 1) #7 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 12:04:48 PM EST
A General Guide to the Promotions of an Open Event

These notes are written on the basis that you have studied and generally understand the Cycling Time Trials Rules and Regulations.

Just like last year then.

christ, we're all old now - StackyMcRacky

If $D$ is a union of components, $D = U_i D_i,$ by the mariner (4.00 / 2) #8 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 12:21:29 PM EST
then we set $\lambda_D(z) = \lambda_{D_i}(z),$ for $z \in D_i.$ 

if nothing else, it sounds like it will be conformally invariant.

Been reading Foundation lately by jayhawk88 (4.00 / 1) #9 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 12:31:50 PM EST
On eBook, but pages seem to be used appropriately:

"I'll see perhaps," said Pritcher, coldly, "when I see the governor. And what, by the way, if our mentalities are handled?"

and turned away. by gzt (4.00 / 2) #10 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 12:36:59 PM EST
An Armenian walking beside him smiled and answered for him.

This is from Lermontov's Hero of Our Time. by gzt (4.00 / 2) #13 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 01:28:08 PM EST
Friggin' Armenians.

[ Parent ]
From "To Glory We Steer" by notafurry (4.00 / 1) #11 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 12:42:42 PM EST
By Alexander Kent

"Bolitho watched the uncertainty crossing the man's face and felt a touch of pity."

Uh oh.


That's where I'm going too! by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #14 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 01:43:03 PM EST
I didn't need a book to tell me that.

"To this day that was the most bullshit caesar salad I have every experienced..." - triggerfinger

good thing i sit next to ni's shakesperes by misslake (4.00 / 3) #15 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 01:43:44 PM EST
O hard-believing love! how strane it seems
Not to believe, and yet too credulous;
thy weal and woe are both of them extremes;
Despair and hope make thee ridiculous:
The one doth flatter thee in thoughts unlikely,
in likely thoughts the other kills thee quickly.

Robertson Davies, Leaven of Malice by nathan (4.00 / 2) #17 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 02:50:25 PM EST

The Dean took out his key, and listened.

  Dean, please put away your "key."



Great, just great by johnny (4.00 / 2) #18 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 03:02:33 PM EST
"Earthquakes, floods, August gales in February and March, tornadoes, shooting stars, giant waves washing away cities, locust and rats, needle-nose grain-sucking birds darkening the skies, rainstorms in the deserts, droughts in the jungles, infestations of small bugs, lightning in clear skies where no rain is, mold, chaos, sorrow without cause, pain with no explanation. . ."

Actually the first sentence at the top of the page is he ending of the preceding sentence, in Latin: "fulmen in claris caelis sin imbera, basidomucota, chai, dolor sine declarata, poena per haud explicatus. . ."

No one to blame but me. That's from The Pains, by John Damien Sundman

She has effectively checked out. She's an un-person of her own making. So it falls to me.--ad hoc (in the hole)

Man by Gedvondur (4.00 / 1) #20 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 03:38:31 PM EST
That Sundman is a total downer.  :-)

"So I will be hitting the snatch hard, I think, tonight." - gzt
[ Parent ]
Meme needs debugging by Alan Crowe (4.00 / 1) #19 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 03:20:05 PM EST
The only projections which preserve all the tags of their arguments are of the form $sum_i (c_i , gamma_i )$, so it is only in this case that we can be sure of being able to select which branch the case will take.

Perhaps the "projection" is a penis. "Argument" sounds like something one has with ones girlfriend. "case" sound a bit medical (case of syphilis).

No. There is something wrong with the meme. It has to be the book nearest to the armchair in which one reads fiction. "Book nearest the computer" is not a good idea.

> Their intended excursion to Whitwell turned out very different from what Elinor had expected.

That's more like it!

Heh by Gedvondur (2.00 / 0) #21 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 03:39:47 PM EST
I should have given better instructions considering the programming and engineering crowd here....

"So I will be hitting the snatch hard, I think, tonight." - gzt
[ Parent ]
sum -> c... by gzt (2.00 / 0) #22 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 03:50:07 PM EST
Makes it work a little?

[ Parent ]
Drive, by D.H. Pink; Uranium, by T. Zoellner by sugar spun (4.00 / 2) #23 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 04:16:07 PM EST
They asked the artists to randomly select ten commissioned works and ten noncommissioned works.

or

And every aspect of this empire was subject to his micromanagement.

Two books stacked together, equally close to me. Neither looks promising.

And so I think I'll go to bed. Don't we make our own luck?


"She was our friend." by toxicfur (4.00 / 2) #24 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 06:14:21 PM EST
Thanks to ana, I'm rereading To Kill a Mockingbird. I like this one. :)
--
The amount of suck that you can put up with can be mind-boggling, but it only really hits you when it then ceases to suck. -- Kellnerin
uh-oh by marvin (4.00 / 3) #25 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 07:13:45 PM EST
This page intentionally left blank.

The Short Stories of F. Scott Fitzgerald by MartiniPhilosopher (4.00 / 1) #28 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 07:25:12 PM EST
Dinner was an agony.

 -- From "Bernice Bobs her Hair"

Whenever I hear one of those aforementioned douche bags pontificate about how dangerous [...] videogames are I get a little stabby. --Wil Wheaton.

Uncanny! by BadDoggie (4.00 / 1) #29 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 10:12:03 PM EST
"And every aspect of this empire was subject to his micromanagement."

Uranium by Tom Zoellner. It was that or an Icelandic children's book.

woof.

Jesus Christ you're a tool -- Dr Thrustgood

Doesn't really make any sense. by muchagecko (4.00 / 1) #30 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 10:12:56 PM EST
"When Andy was a teenager, he freely interacted with adult males. Lightning and Hunter were his teachers." page 45 of Temple Grandin's "Animals Make Us Human".


A purpose gives you a reason to wake up every morning.
So a purpose is like a box of powdered donut holes?
Exactly
My Name is Earl

from one of my NaNos by dev trash (4.00 / 1) #31 Mon Jan 09, 2012 at 10:31:31 PM EST
"There are four distinct states a toilet seat can be in"

"Oh for god's sake, Jimbo, not NOW."

--
I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR BALLS! ->clock

(Comment Deleted) by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #32 Tue Jan 10, 2012 at 12:49:46 AM EST

This comment has been deleted by ucblockhead



(Comment Deleted) by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #33 Tue Jan 10, 2012 at 12:52:02 AM EST

This comment has been deleted by ucblockhead



So... by ucblockhead (4.00 / 3) #34 Tue Jan 10, 2012 at 12:54:04 AM EST
Husi is breaking on my hiragana.  Transliterated, it is:

kore ha dare no kasa desu ka.

"whose umbrella is this?"

Really bad Japanese porno?
---
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman

is the umbrella pixelated? by the mariner (2.00 / 0) #46 Tue Jan 10, 2012 at 07:26:05 PM EST
if so, i would say yes. 

[ Parent ]
I confirm U+3060 (JPN "da" glyph) b0rks by BadDoggie (2.00 / 0) #48 Wed Jan 11, 2012 at 01:55:28 PM EST
これは 

woof.

Jesus Christ you're a tool -- Dr Thrustgood

[ Parent ]
from: Two Caravan by Marina Lewycka by TPD (4.00 / 1) #35 Tue Jan 10, 2012 at 05:26:47 AM EST
 The gate closed with a clack, and the engine noise dissipated into the stillness.

Same as 2011 then!


why sit, when you can sit and swivel with The Ab-SwivellerTM
From "SQL Pocket guide" by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #38 Tue Jan 10, 2012 at 10:27:12 AM EST
SELECT DATE_SUB(CURRENT_DATE,INTERVAL '1-2' YEAR_MONTH);

Earth First!
(We can strip mine the rest later.)

That's a sentence? by ana (2.00 / 0) #40 Tue Jan 10, 2012 at 11:33:22 AM EST
Seriously, copy editors have fits over that question.

I now know what the noise that is usually spelled "lolwhut" sounds like. --Kellnerin

[ Parent ]
Yes, that's a sentence by lm (4.00 / 1) #45 Tue Jan 10, 2012 at 07:12:28 PM EST
From a language with a formal grammar and a proper termination mark at the end.

Copy editors must be all hung up about natural language and the like.


There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]
From: Fundamentals of Anatomy and Physiology by me0w (4.00 / 1) #39 Tue Jan 10, 2012 at 11:31:35 AM EST
"A salt is an ionic compound consisting of any cation except a hydrogen ion, and any anion except a hydroxide ion."

I suppose my sex life will be ..... salty.

Good gourd.


"the only reason we PMS is because our uterus is screaming at our brain to go out, get fucked, and have a baby ... and it makes us angry."

Nah by notafurry (4.00 / 2) #41 Tue Jan 10, 2012 at 11:43:57 AM EST
That sounds to me like your sex life will be varied with many partners who in turn also have many partners - but none of those partners will be peroxide blondes.

So, looking up then, no?

[ Parent ]
Well, I'm not partial to blondes .... by me0w (2.00 / 0) #42 Tue Jan 10, 2012 at 01:08:58 PM EST
That makes my day better.


"the only reason we PMS is because our uterus is screaming at our brain to go out, get fucked, and have a baby ... and it makes us angry."

[ Parent ]
Hmmm by TheophileEscargot (4.00 / 2) #43 Tue Jan 10, 2012 at 01:16:46 PM EST
Lesbians tend to be more G-spot and female-ejaculation savvy than most folks.

(Lesbian Sex Secrets for Men)
--
It is unlikely that the good of a snail should reside in its shell: so is it likely that the good of a man should?

We have a winner! (nt) by ucblockhead (4.00 / 2) #44 Tue Jan 10, 2012 at 03:23:45 PM EST

---
[ucblockhead is] useless and subhuman
[ Parent ]
Hence, by Scrymarch (4.00 / 1) #47 Wed Jan 11, 2012 at 10:03:31 AM EST
... the scope of "Southeast Asia" is flexible and fluid, depending on the interaction between the two cultural zone - "Han/Confucian Chinese" and "Southeast Asian", with the trend over time being that the former expanded southward, while the latter contracted correspondingly.
-- Assessing te Ming Role in China's Southern Expansion, in SE Asia in the 15th Century

Sounds unlikely, or very metaphorical.

Iambic Web Certified

Truncation at the 'da' char by BadDoggie (4.00 / 1) #49 Wed Jan 11, 2012 at 07:58:15 PM EST
Preview shows all of text with a "b0rken char" glyph at the "da" (U+3060). posting results in complete loss (truncation) at and beyond the use of this char.

woof.

Jesus Christ you're a tool -- Dr Thrustgood

だRight, so it actually is replaced with U+FFFD by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #50 Thu Jan 12, 2012 at 08:26:35 AM EST


[ Parent ]
Nope by BadDoggie (2.00 / 0) #51 Thu Jan 12, 2012 at 02:10:15 PM EST
I have a control char set installed on my machine so that any char which can't find its glyph is displayed with a box containing the 4-digit U+nnnn number. "Da" b0rks; I have no idea how you managed to get that title to work. Try it in the middle of your text. I used Charmap, Word & NJStar to test.

woof.

Jesus Christ you're a tool -- Dr Thrustgood

[ Parent ]
Well, I did post a body too. by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #52 Thu Jan 12, 2012 at 02:50:22 PM EST
That disappeared.

It looks like a UTF-8 bug to me, what with those zeros in the hex.

The U+FFFD thing I said because that's what came up on preview. Using Opera 12. It's probably of no importance, and quite likely wrong.

[ Parent ]
"He tried not to show any emotion." by anonimouse (4.00 / 1) #53 Fri Jan 13, 2012 at 11:05:49 AM EST
Hmm not bad considering its an Alex Rider book by Anthony Horowitz.


Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
Well by Gedvondur (2.00 / 0) #54 Fri Jan 13, 2012 at 12:17:27 PM EST
It certainly could have been worse!

"So I will be hitting the snatch hard, I think, tonight." - gzt
[ Parent ]
Dead Space: Martyr by Subject105 (4.00 / 1) #55 Sun Oct 21, 2012 at 08:22:50 PM EST
 "Come on," said the man with the glasses. "Be a good boy and put down the knife."

Kinky.


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